DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

Also it's completely ridiculous that clearly labelled items are ever classed as 'lost property'?!! It surely wouldn't take much to give letters to the children on the labels asking their parents to come to collect an item of lost property within x weeks or it will be sold.

Happened to my dcs school jumper… some parents are wankers

Shocking but doesn't sadly surprise me in the slightest.

I've lost count of how much stuff I've had stolen over the years with 2 kids. Disgraceful.

This is the problem - there are so many people like this now, because they get away with it. It always blows my mind, how passive and submissive British people are and how much crap and low standards and bad treatment people accept. It’s almost seen as some kind of virtue, to not say anything when you’re being taken for a mug...

This is a perfect example, you’re seen as unreasonable to try to rectify this issue, you’d be ‘upsetting everyone’...

@BatshitBanshee It’s completely irrelevant whether it was stolen out of need or out of nastiness. And what makes you think the OP is swimming in money to spare on another coat?

Whoops, I meant to quote this poster in my comment 😫

I lost count of the clothes, some very new, that went missing at my children’s school, never to be ‘found’ again - and this was a private school! Even an almost brand new pair of school shoes! Never found any of them in the lost property.

Do you have a class/school group chat or FB group? Post a photo of the name tag showing how it’s covered yours. I wouldn’t be afraid to name and shame someone who’d willingly steal from a child.

Saying that the boy may not have realised does not explain the mother writing over the OPDD name on the tag. Especially if the offending mother knows the OP, this is not just theft, which is bad enough, but betrayal of trust which in some ways is worse.

Pretty much the same thing happened to someone I know when our kids were at primary school. The only difference was that the coat was not put in the lost property bin. We live in an affluent area and this particular family is definitely not short of money! Selfish people!

Writing over the name is next level CF!

We've had loads of stuff disappear, and yes, pretty sure we saw a child wearing DS1's coat but the parents wouldn't let us check the name.

We were lax on the name labelling with two new jumpers for DS2 for preschool (non uniform) he left them both behind the first week he wore them. DH asks the staff if they could look for them, they found them and put them aside for pick up and another dad took them. We get daily photos and they could see the child had never worn that style jumper, which they said to the dad but he was adamant they were his son's and as we hadn't labelled there was nothing the nursery staff could do. They apologised but I did tell them it wasn't their fault it was the dad for taking them and us for not labelling.

Happened to us too when DS was little. Really nice coat, £40ish, plush fleecy lining, bought a size bigger so it'd last him two years. Vanished the second time he wore it to school 😭

I kept an eye out but never spotted it being worn, so don't know what became of it. Sold on Ebay probably.

I bought an item in a second hand sale, stuck my child's name over the top and then the previous owner demanded it back! It does happen.... I personally think much more likely to be a mistake than theft.

Our school lost property box is full of labelled items. The teachers find the clothes and put them in the box rather than simply read the name label and hand back to the child 😤

My mother used to do this

she worked at the school my kids went to and if she saw something she thought would fit now/grow into,she’d swipe it

i spent my life trying to hunt down the rightful owner-not always with success (I’d just shove it back in lost property)

I tried telling the teachers but they refused to believe me as ‘mrs never senior wouldn’t do that!’

she runs a beavers group and used to do the same with any lost uniform/anything the kids left-blank looks if parents asked after their stuff

she’s not right in the head-she’s minted but claims to be skint-she works with old people (a home carer) now and does the same to them

she wouldn’t dream of picking up the £10 note on the side,but will ‘forget’ to give them their change,accepts presents when she’s not meant to,fiddles her timesheets/petrol allowance if she can and when they die she’s first in,before family to pick over their stuff for herself-I’ve seen her do all the above

she once gave my (now adult) son some old man aftershave-yep,she’d swiped it from a gent who had been dead less than 4 hours,he’d got rushed to hospital and sadly died-she went back and let herself in-he was a hoarder so the bits she swiped wasn’t missed

the family worshiped her and kept thanking her for all she’d done-if only they knew!

ive tried reporting her again and got nowhere

ive seen her swap bargain bin stickers for full price ones-from tesco to charity shops,she’s helped herself to ‘free’ sugar,tea bags,coffee packets etc and will think nothing of helping herself from your fridge if she got a chance

shes a bold cf thief and although I’m nc with her now,I go so far the other way as not to be tainted by her-her blood in my veins and all that

its theft and I hope and pray she gets caught but her type never do

It might be best to let it pass, It's shocking and awful, but it may be better to continue through the primary years as peacefully as possible, as long as it doesn't happen again!

Sounds like the other kid needed a coat.
Missing the point I know.

This is why my children spend primary school in charity shop coats ive sadly said goodbye to my £1 bargain coat today kept two of my children dry and warm he has now moved up to the buy one get one free bargain charity shop coat again pre-owned by his brother

Never waste money on school coats

mend the coat, cross out the "borrower"s name, calm down....

I think it's wrong to suggest that the mum desperately needed a coat and that the theft was justified. It's not usually that type of person that steals. The type that steals is a CF who doesn't give a shit about anyone else.

The fact is that she is a thief and CF and saw the opportunity to steal so she did. I'd definitely tell people what she did.

The whole point with CFs is that when you confront them, they become even more unreasonable. Never ever does a CF say sorry.

The teacher's attitude stank. I'd tell the headteacher - who deserves to know that the mum is thieving stuff on school premises.

Are we talking those school coats that all look the same like part of the uniform? Those things are the work of the devil. Why on earth would anyone make young kids all wear the same coats! It’s asking for conflict.

Theft. I would follow it up as so.

This.

It is CF of the highest order. I generally either get coats from Primark or very bold and out of stock Boden ones that I know no one else could have possibly bought from a current shop. No one wants to try to brazen out stealing a Boden coat that's ten years old that you bought off Vinted for £5 that has a very distinctive print.

Uniform is mostly from Asda which no one wants to steal.

Nevergoingtobemrsjones ·
My mother used to do this
she worked at the school my kids went to and if she saw something she thought would fit now/grow into,she’d swipe it
i spent my life trying to hunt down the rightful owner-not always with success (I’d just shove it back in lost property)
I tried telling the teachers but they refused to believe me as ‘mrs never senior wouldn’t do that!’
she runs a beavers group and used to do the same with any lost uniform/anything the kids left-blank looks if parents asked after their stuff
she’s not right in the head-she’s minted but claims to be skint-she works with old people (a home carer) now and does the same to them
she wouldn’t dream of picking up the £10 note on the side,but will ‘forget’ to give them their change,accepts presents when she’s not meant to,fiddles her timesheets/petrol allowance if she can and when they die she’s first in,before family to pick over their stuff for herself-I’ve seen her do all the above

You said you've tried to report her-phone Adult Social Care and the police, and tell them that you have witnessed financial abuse of a vulnerable adult.Tell them that you are making a safeguarding alert under section 42 of the Care Act.
This gives Local Authorities the primary duty to make, or cause to be made, whatever enquiries are necessary to enable the Local Authority to decide whether any action should be taken in the adult’s case, and if so, what and by whom.
If they fob you off, ask for their decision in writing, and tell them you will be making a written complaint to the Local Safeguarding Adults Board AND the Care Quality Commission.
This will ensure the vulnerable people she is abusing will be protected, as the CQC have a legal duty to follow up and keep you informed;you can report to them by phone. email or a simple online form.
Please do this, if not, you're colluding in the abuse.

This happens ALL the time. I agree it’s infuriating but it is also incredibly sad especially for older children who can understand the shame attached.