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Original poster

To be annoyed the boys ‘won’t play with girls’

184 replies

Leopardpj · 19/05/2022 22:28

DD is 4 and in reception. She tells me a lot of the boys in her class say they don’t ever want to play with her as they only want to play with boys. I don’t think she is lacking in friends but I think she is confused about it and is wondering what’s so bad about being a girl and it’s this that is bothering me. I don’t want her feeling it’s uncool or a negative thing to be a girl which I think is an impression she is starting to get. I feel as if this wouldn’t be tolerated if it was a comment being made about children from a religious or ethnic group etc and am wondering about asking the teacher whether she could keep an ear out for this sort of talk and try and nip it in the bud? Or perhaps that’s OTT and I am being unreasonable to think you can stop boys from saying/ feeling like this (I only have DDs so no experience with boys!) thanks in advance !

OP posts:
SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 20:20

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 20/05/2022 20:09

@Stompythedinosaur I wouldn't worry about @SlightlyGeordieJohn.

There seems to have been a massive influx of a certain type of poster that was not previously seen so abundantly on MN before (at least not in the time I've beeb around). I initially thought it had been some sort of organised campaign but I'm starting to think the repeated articles based on mn posts that appear in a certain "newspaper" has drawn them in.

I suspect once they realise that mumsnet isn't the echo chamber they are used to and that they will actually have to engage in debate AND tolerate opposing views here they'll slink back off again.

Point of thread missed entirely I know.

Oh yes, which newspaper are you looking down your nose at today?

I read the FT, the Times and the Guardian, why don’t you amuse everyone with your bigoted views about what that says about me?

Johnnysgirl · 20/05/2022 20:21

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 20/05/2022 20:09

@Stompythedinosaur I wouldn't worry about @SlightlyGeordieJohn.

There seems to have been a massive influx of a certain type of poster that was not previously seen so abundantly on MN before (at least not in the time I've beeb around). I initially thought it had been some sort of organised campaign but I'm starting to think the repeated articles based on mn posts that appear in a certain "newspaper" has drawn them in.

I suspect once they realise that mumsnet isn't the echo chamber they are used to and that they will actually have to engage in debate AND tolerate opposing views here they'll slink back off again.

Point of thread missed entirely I know.

What post are you referring to? Hmm
Very rude of you to instruct op to ignore a specific poster's posts, because you disagree with them.

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 20:23

It absolutely goes both ways. The girls don’t want to play with the boys.

It’s age and stage, and it ebbs and flows.

When DS was 4/5 he didn’t see the difference between girls and boys and played with both happily. It was at about 6/7 when things started segregating.

He’s now 13, and starting to come out the other side.

If this was a one way thing - i.e. only boys doing the segregating - I’d get on board with the outrage. But it’s categorically not, so I can’t muster any annoyance.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 20:27

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 20:23

It absolutely goes both ways. The girls don’t want to play with the boys.

It’s age and stage, and it ebbs and flows.

When DS was 4/5 he didn’t see the difference between girls and boys and played with both happily. It was at about 6/7 when things started segregating.

He’s now 13, and starting to come out the other side.

If this was a one way thing - i.e. only boys doing the segregating - I’d get on board with the outrage. But it’s categorically not, so I can’t muster any annoyance.

Exactly, it’s neither one-way, nor permanent, nor universal.

My boy plays with a mixed group, but mainly boys, and whether he ends up with all girls or all boys at some point there’s no problem.

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 20:35

… and just to counter-balance, when DD was 4/5 she didn’t see the difference between girls and boys and played with both happily. Again, it was at about 6/7 when things started segregating.

She’s now 11 and doesn’t have any friends who are boys. That will clearly evolve, although being at an all-girls’ school, the opportunities will have to be extra-curricula.

alpenguin · 20/05/2022 20:38

My youngest is 5 and he’s forever coming out with crap about stuff being for boys and girls and how girls can’t do x,y,z or play certain games. It enrages me because I’ve spent his entire life not enforcing stereotypes, he has long hair, wears princess dresses if he wants, paints his nails, plays superheroes and football and just is a kid. Someone is feeding him this crap and I’ve no idea who. I spent my entire childhood justifying wanting to play with boys and being told girls cans do that so I really wanted my kids to grow up in a different time.

I’ve no answers but I’m just so sad this crap still gets peddled by kids and their parents.

Tamzo85 · 20/05/2022 20:46

@SleepingStandingUp

Relax it’s just my opinion. However I will say all this “it’s all socialisation” is a bunch of malarkey. No, it’s real, boys and girls really are different, even at that age and especially (as you’ve alluded to) when the hormones really kick in. I like to think that they can all find there place even those who aren’t interested in doing what most of their other classmates do, but there’s no point trying to press them into having no difference, it won’t hold unless your forcing them.

The important thing is that we teach boys and girls who aren’t as interested in the same things as others of their gender and find it harder to find their place, that there is nothing wrong with them and they are just as loved and valuable as their peers who behave in the more common masculine and feminine ways.

Tamzo85 · 20/05/2022 20:48

Anyways, half these boys who don’t want to play with the girls now will be chasing after them begging for (or dreaming of) a date once they hit their teens so ha!

PandoraP · 20/05/2022 20:53

I think you are over thinking this massively. My dd refused to have anything to do with boys until she was 13. It’s not sexism when they are 4.

Lavenderlast · 20/05/2022 21:22

My son’s first experience of school was a four year old girl marching up to him and aggressively telling him he couldn’t play with her (he wasn’t trying to, he was on his own basically staring into distance) because he was a boy.

Would you believe it, that girl turned out to have totally arsehole sexist parents.

Just teach your DD that some people are idiots and they’re best avoided and that it is common for boys and girls to play together but if these boys don’t want to, she’s best off without them, as they are clearly idiots.

Also speak to the teacher. Your DD has a legal right not to experience sex discrimination at school, if boys are being nasty to her about being a girl then the teacher needs to discipline them.

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 21:33

This thread is making me realise that there is not enough money in the world to compensate teachers - they are literal saints with what they have to put up with. And I’m not talking about the kids they deal with.

Why2why · 20/05/2022 21:33

Leopardpj · 19/05/2022 22:28

DD is 4 and in reception. She tells me a lot of the boys in her class say they don’t ever want to play with her as they only want to play with boys. I don’t think she is lacking in friends but I think she is confused about it and is wondering what’s so bad about being a girl and it’s this that is bothering me. I don’t want her feeling it’s uncool or a negative thing to be a girl which I think is an impression she is starting to get. I feel as if this wouldn’t be tolerated if it was a comment being made about children from a religious or ethnic group etc and am wondering about asking the teacher whether she could keep an ear out for this sort of talk and try and nip it in the bud? Or perhaps that’s OTT and I am being unreasonable to think you can stop boys from saying/ feeling like this (I only have DDs so no experience with boys!) thanks in advance !

You do realise that religious groups and ethnic minorities also have girls. You seem to have one particular image of girls.

Stompythedinosaur · 20/05/2022 21:37

Thebestwaytoscareatory · 20/05/2022 20:09

@Stompythedinosaur I wouldn't worry about @SlightlyGeordieJohn.

There seems to have been a massive influx of a certain type of poster that was not previously seen so abundantly on MN before (at least not in the time I've beeb around). I initially thought it had been some sort of organised campaign but I'm starting to think the repeated articles based on mn posts that appear in a certain "newspaper" has drawn them in.

I suspect once they realise that mumsnet isn't the echo chamber they are used to and that they will actually have to engage in debate AND tolerate opposing views here they'll slink back off again.

Point of thread missed entirely I know.

Thanks. It isn't the first time a man has tried to belittle me for being a feminist. First time a Vis cartoon character has been brought into it, which at least gives a sense of variety!

SuperTiredAgain · 20/05/2022 21:38

Most kids have a period where they choose to play with the same gender and are a bit like 'eew...boys 🤮' or 'yuck...girls 🤮'.

It's normal

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 21:41

Stompythedinosaur · 20/05/2022 21:37

Thanks. It isn't the first time a man has tried to belittle me for being a feminist. First time a Vis cartoon character has been brought into it, which at least gives a sense of variety!

Show quote history

It was your misandry, not your feminism. You seem quite confused by the difference.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 21:50

Tamzo85 · 20/05/2022 20:46

@SleepingStandingUp

Relax it’s just my opinion. However I will say all this “it’s all socialisation” is a bunch of malarkey. No, it’s real, boys and girls really are different, even at that age and especially (as you’ve alluded to) when the hormones really kick in. I like to think that they can all find there place even those who aren’t interested in doing what most of their other classmates do, but there’s no point trying to press them into having no difference, it won’t hold unless your forcing them.

The important thing is that we teach boys and girls who aren’t as interested in the same things as others of their gender and find it harder to find their place, that there is nothing wrong with them and they are just as loved and valuable as their peers who behave in the more common masculine and feminine ways.

It’s not recent, but “the blank slate” by Steven Pinker is a decent popular text on the subject of what is innate and what is environmental.

I think it’s fair to say that claiming that a young child’s behaviour in this area is all societal is anti-scientific ignorant guff

Thereisnolight · 20/05/2022 21:52

Garagewonderings · 20/05/2022 09:50

What's wrong with preferring to play with boys? This usually means the girl in question likes football, and chase and climbing trees, and more physical activities. The only way to get that sort of fun at an average primary is to play with the boys.

Show quote history

Ha ha this is such rubbish!! And exactly what I meant by the question!
newsflash: lots of girls like sports and being active. This does not make a girl different from other girls in any way.

There is definitely a cohort of mums who claim their girl prefers boys, as if this makes the girl special.
What the mums really mean is that they secretly think boys are better than girls and that by preferring boys, their girl is “better” than “normal” girls.

Pixies74 · 20/05/2022 21:59

I find this strange and quite sad that your DD is experiencing this at such a young age (and at all really, you'd think things had moved on a bit).

My DD is in year 1 and her class is still very much mixed in terms of who plays with who. There are a few girls who stick together and vice versa, though DD plays with both.. She mainly hangs around in a group of three, of whom, one other is a girl and the third a boy. I actually think she's better liked by the boys than the girls.

DS (who is starting school in September) actually mainly plays with girls though has one or two friends who are boys.

They're quite close, so I don't know whether those who are close to opposite sex siblings are just more used to playing with the opposite sex...

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 22:01

Pixies74 · 20/05/2022 21:59

I find this strange and quite sad that your DD is experiencing this at such a young age (and at all really, you'd think things had moved on a bit).

My DD is in year 1 and her class is still very much mixed in terms of who plays with who. There are a few girls who stick together and vice versa, though DD plays with both.. She mainly hangs around in a group of three, of whom, one other is a girl and the third a boy. I actually think she's better liked by the boys than the girls.

DS (who is starting school in September) actually mainly plays with girls though has one or two friends who are boys.

They're quite close, so I don't know whether those who are close to opposite sex siblings are just more used to playing with the opposite sex...

Things have moved on from some people having a single-sex group of friends?

Do you ensure that whenever you go out it’s mixed sex? Do you have as many close male as female friends?

Pixies74 · 20/05/2022 22:10

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 22:01

Things have moved on from some people having a single-sex group of friends?

Do you ensure that whenever you go out it’s mixed sex? Do you have as many close male as female friends?

Show quote history

No, I mean moved on from boys sticking their tongues out at girls and going "Nerr, nerr, you can't play with us because you're a GIRL."

Most of the parents I know don't instill this separation into their children, which is probably why there are lots of mixed groups at school.

x2boys · 20/05/2022 22:19

SomersetONeil · 20/05/2022 21:33

This thread is making me realise that there is not enough money in the world to compensate teachers - they are literal saints with what they have to put up with. And I’m not talking about the kids they deal with.

Indeed, anybody calling a four year child sexist and a misogynistic, says more about them then the child
Can we not just let kids be kids and play with who they want to.

Lavenderlast · 20/05/2022 22:20

PandoraP · 20/05/2022 20:53

I think you are over thinking this massively. My dd refused to have anything to do with boys until she was 13. It’s not sexism when they are 4.

It is sexism. Lots of kids pick up sexist - and racist - views from their horrible parents.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 22:22

Pixies74 · 20/05/2022 22:10

No, I mean moved on from boys sticking their tongues out at girls and going "Nerr, nerr, you can't play with us because you're a GIRL."

Most of the parents I know don't instill this separation into their children, which is probably why there are lots of mixed groups at school.

Show quote history

But the suggestion that this is all taught is known to be false, as is your implication that it’s only in one direction.

This ludicrous attempt to shame the parents if their children have a single-sex friend group by suggesting that they are lesser than you and your friends just comes across as weird.

x2boys · 20/05/2022 22:28

Lavenderlast · 20/05/2022 22:20

It is sexism. Lots of kids pick up sexist - and racist - views from their horrible parents.

Show quote history

My parents were neither sexist or racist, but I strongly remember not wanting to play with boys as a young child
My 15 your old son has a group of male and female friends, but he also went through a phase of not wanting to play with girls as a small child
It's perfectly normal

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 20/05/2022 22:38

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