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Original poster

How seriously should the school take threats of rape?

151 replies

Foxglovesandprimroses · 19/05/2022 18:16

Hi

My DD is 13 and came home from school upset because two boys in her year said they'd like to pay to watch her being raped. She feels threatened and worried, understandably. One of the boys is a loner type with greasy hair and gets annoyed with my DD when they sit next to each other in class and she's chatting to others.

Have spoken to the head of year, who, while agreeing that it is serious and is going to speak to the boys tomorrow, also said that ' people often say things they don't really mean' and was keen to downplay it.

What would you expect from the school in terms of support in this situation? My instincts are to move her asap if possible.

OP posts:
Joeblack066 · 19/05/2022 22:38

Safeguarding and potentially Prevent from an InCel point of view. Your poor DD. You should be very proud of your relationship with her that she told you.

allboysherebutme · 19/05/2022 22:46

I'd ask for her not to have to sit next to them and if she can swap the lessons she is in with him to a different class where possible.
I'd also go to the police station so it is recorded and see will they do anything.
I don't trust schools these days not to brush things under the carpet as much as possible.
Maybe even change her school if you are that worried. X

ZarquonsSandals · 19/05/2022 22:50

DentonsFringeArnottsWaistcoat · 19/05/2022 18:57

Christ Almighty, that was the Designated Safeguarding Lead? Not only report the threat to the police but also make a formal complaint to the Governing Board, they need to revisit their Safeguarding Policy, and those in charge of delivering it, pronto.

Absolutely this. I am q school governor and am appalled that the DSL was so dismissive. Urgent training needed and a new DSL.

fionaapple · 19/05/2022 22:57

Absolutely disgusting. So sorry your DD was subjected to that. What a disgrace of a DSL for brushing off sickening comments like that. They are not qualified for the role they have been given.

allboysherebutme · 19/05/2022 23:00

The more I think about it, I'd change her school and go to the police station. X

knowinglesseveryday · 19/05/2022 23:02

Go to the headteacher, with the option of going to the chair of governors (or similar) if necessary.

Macaroni1924 · 19/05/2022 23:28

In a recent child protection refresher we were told to take all incidents like this seriously and respond and record appropriately. The teenager who threw the young child off the Tate Modern apparently made many inappropriate comments and actions prior that should have alerted people to his state of mind. That was the example they used. I agree people say things they don’t mean a lot but sometimes it can be darker than that and that is why if each incident is dealt with appropriately those who don’t mean it will think twice in the future. Children need to learn the severity of their words and actions.

Fraaahnces · 19/05/2022 23:43

I’m so pleased you are taking this seriously. You are a good mum for taking this to the police so that the school MUST take this seriously. I have found that in my experience, sometimes the most inappropriate people are attracted to positions like Safety or Sexual Discrimination Officer, etc.

Fraaahnces · 19/05/2022 23:44

Also, 13 year olds know exactly what rape is. This is an incredibly violent threat.

dapsnotplimsolls · 19/05/2022 23:58

I suggest you contact the school office in the morning, explain why your daughter won't be in and that you have contacted the police. Make it clear that you'd like to speak to the DSL rather than the HOY.

WeasilyPleased · 20/05/2022 00:00

I agree with pp saying call the police. This is vile and intimidating.

Waltzingderek · 20/05/2022 00:15

You have every right to directly contact the police. Whatever the school says, if you are unhappy with how they’ve dealt with this matter or to clarify points.

The school may not be happy but tough.

As a teacher I would tell pupils who had been fighting or had been threatening to do so this, that parents have every right to go legal. Even if the incident has been in school.

A person I know cares for a secondary age child. The child told staff that she was going to stab the carer when they got home. ( fortunately they didn’t)

The carer got an email from the school 90 minutes after the child got home. No phone call etc - normally they are quick to call about the slightest thing.

School said they’d contact police.

That evening the carer went on email version of 101 and reported the event - really for the record. Police sent person round to take a statement and the took it seriously. School hadn’t reported it, S Services implied they’d rather it wasn’t reported.

If you are unhappy report it - don’t make contact with these boys’ parents.

knockyknees · 20/05/2022 01:28

Good on you for phoning the police. These boys need to be expelled, not just put in isolation or suspended for a few days.

I'd email the school person you spoke to, and say something along the lines of:

"Following our discussion of (date), I brought (the situation) to your attention. Your response was (a pile of shit).

Further to this, I have brought this very serious matter to the attention of the police. They will be in touch with you in due course.

My DD will remain at home until this matter is satisfactorily dealt with".

Original poster
Foxglovesandprimroses · 20/05/2022 08:29

DSL phoned me. He agreed it was v concerning. Actions he was prepared to divulge was both sets of parents will be spoken to, boys will be in isolation today - he didn't tell me this but confirmed DD will not be in lessons with them today so by inference. He said the school has to go through a graduated response re: incidents like these.

He also said he was sure my DD was safe in school as the threats were 'they would like to watch' rather than they will. But also agreed it was a massive red flag.

The lady from the Safer Schools Team is in today for some other incidents and might have time to speak to the boys or she might not! What the actual!

Phoning another much bigger school now to see about moving her. It can't be any worse, right?

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 20/05/2022 08:38

I'm glad the school are doing something now, but don't jump to moving schools. Your daughter might see that as her being punished for something that isn't her fault. Make sure moving schools is what she wants.

Macaroni1924 · 20/05/2022 08:41

This is a horrible thing to go through but don’t react too quickly with moving your daughter. It is scary for her and upsetting but she may find safety in her friends group? Starting out fresh if she doesn’t know others at the new school is scary without her already being upset just now. Just a thought. Do you know what you would like the school to do eg isolation for a set period. Maybe you could say to them this is what I feel is appropriate and see if they support it? Also tell them you want the boys spoken too by the safer schools team by a certain day or you will be calling the police again. Good luck X

Original poster
Foxglovesandprimroses · 20/05/2022 08:48

She's wanted to move schools for a while for other reasons so this is the final nail in the coffin really.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 20/05/2022 16:54

I would also make sure that all communication is via email so there is a paper trail. If you speak on the phone or in person, make sure you follow it up with an email, clarifying what youve spoken about.
Keep receipts!!

orwellwasright · 20/05/2022 16:56

He also said he was sure my DD was safe in school as the threats were 'they would like to watch' rather than they will

Oh fgs. Talk about minimising the offence.

bellac11 · 20/05/2022 18:28

orwellwasright · 20/05/2022 16:56

He also said he was sure my DD was safe in school as the threats were 'they would like to watch' rather than they will

Oh fgs. Talk about minimising the offence.

Its not minimising its risk assessment.

OP what did the police say, as their response should direct the safer schools team worker

GoodThinkingMax · 20/05/2022 19:02

He also said he was sure my DD was safe in school as the threats were 'they would like to watch' rather than they will. But also agreed it was a massive red flag.

Men just don’t get it, do they?

Fraaahnces · 21/05/2022 09:07

I honestly can’t believe the head-in-the-sand attitude of the school. Talk about covering their butts…

Intrigueddotcom · 23/05/2022 13:43

Foxglovesandprimroses · 20/05/2022 08:48

She's wanted to move schools for a while for other reasons so this is the final nail in the coffin really.

To be honest
Given only 13 and needing end of year

i would pull my disgusted out, suck up the cost of a l a tutor for a couple of hours a day

and then start afresh in a different school in September

she wouldn’t be going back

Intrigueddotcom · 23/05/2022 13:45

Sorry typos!

CorneliaMarie · 23/05/2022 14:38

Jesus OP. I’d be fucking FURIOUS and at the HoYs response. I can’t believe this is minimised so much at school these days. I honestly feel like this would have been a minimum suspension and possibly expulsion back in my day. Saying things we don’t mean at 13 is “I hate you, you are no longer my friend”, it is not sexually threatening language. Those boys parents need a serious talking to as they’re obviously accessing material/games they shouldn’t be.

Good on you for escalating and report to Governors also as that HoY also needs a talking to. At the least they will review the policy.

I’m annoyed she is the one missing school over this and potentially has to move. That is not right but do what’s best for your DD.

Hope you get a good resolution over the summer.

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