How seriously should the school take threats of rape?

[Foxglovesandprimroses]

Hi

My DD is 13 and came home from school upset because two boys in her year said they'd like to pay to watch her being raped. She feels threatened and worried, understandably. One of the boys is a loner type with greasy hair and gets annoyed with my DD when they sit next to each other in class and she's chatting to others.

Have spoken to the head of year, who, while agreeing that it is serious and is going to speak to the boys tomorrow, also said that ' people often say things they don't really mean' and was keen to downplay it.

What would you expect from the school in terms of support in this situation? My instincts are to move her asap if possible.

Awful. This is absolutely not a normal thing for any 13 year old not to think or say to a peer at school. I’m glad your DD has you to fight her corner. Response absolutely pathetic.
Yes of course it’s relevant if a child appears to be neglected or have self neglect going on and is apparently acting out.

That is a ridiculous response from the DSL, especially in the light of Everyone’s Invited.

Unbelievable that he would act on it??!!! Have you been living under your duvet your whole life? Do you have any idea how common sexual violence towards women and girls is???!!!

Christ fucking almighty!

If the school don't take it seriously I would 100% involve the police

I doubt the police will do anything. Tell the parents maybe? But if the parents aren’t the types to care or if the boys don’t care about that because they have a shitty home life anyway then that’s somewhat pointless.

What is the school actually doing? I know the teacher said “they can say things they don’t mean” and you took it as a dismissal - but if he’s punishing them or will take action that’s not necessarily what it was. After all teenagers do say “edgy” and “dramatic” things they would never actually do.

Extremely seriously. I’m a school DSL. This has happened recently at my school and we reported to the police and made a social care referral.

Schools should be responding to harmful sexual behaviour robustly. The government guidance is clear.

If these children are being neglected it is possibly a reflection of what games or YouTube they are watching unsupervised rather than a genuine threat. I would expect the school to investigate and assert that the boys didn't know the gravity of what they have said. I would then expect them to be made to apologies to DD.

Agreed, I’d call the police.

I’d then call HoY a colossal twat. Because ‘people often say things we don’t really mean’. Would also be detailing his comments to his boss as he needs more training in common decency and safeguarding.

Its possible, but unlikely that a 13 year old would have the means or ability to pay someone to rape a child he goes to school with

However who knows what is being said to him, what he is seeing and hearing indoors, or what is happening to him indoors which leads him to say such a violent thing at such a young age.

I suspect that the unlikeliness is what the teacher is referring to and perhaps the teacher should have said more along the lines of,, 'I will put into process our safeguarding strategies' but rather just made it sound as if they're having a chat with the child but I doubt it would be as low key as this.

The other route if OP doesnt get satisfaction from the police is to make a safeugarding referral to SSD on the basis that her daughter may be at risk of sexual harm at school.

The school should be following the very recent government guidance to schools on sexual harassment and sexual violence in schools. One of the key aspects of this is the duty on schools to deal properly with ‘low level’ harmful sexual behaviour.

I wouldn’t even call a rape threat ‘low level’, but the point is, schools must deal with harmful sexual language, name calling, threats, harassment and other behaviour that breeds an unsafe, harmful culture. It’s safeguarding 101.

In the case at my school, the police didn’t bring charges against the boy (the girl’s parents didn’t want to proceed), but they did have a stern educational talk with the boy about his behaviour and we put in extra support for both children and did a series of assemblies on harmful sexual behaviour at school.

The school should NOT be downplaying this.

I work in behaviour and well-being in a school and this would be taken straight to safeguarding and police asap. An urgent meeting would be called to discuss this and decide further actions and we would make a refferal to an outside agency probably social services on a child protection need as it would need to be investigated how he has this knowledge of sexual violence. Personally a dsl refusing this is absolutely disgusting and I would go straight to the head and straight to governors.

Tell that to the girls who have been raped in school by their peers, this is not just with older kids in secondary education but in primary schools as well.

The school’s response is not acceptable.

@Grumpybutfunny

I agree with this. They need punishing - a lot of detention or suspension and then apologies are in order but the chance of this being a genuine threat is basically zero. What chance is there that a 13 year old boy is going to pay major money for people to commit a serious crime on one of his classmates? There is no way he would have the means to do that.

If he had of said he was going to force her to do something sexual then that would actually be worse imo because that is something that could actually be followed through on, whereas this won’t be. So it’s far more likely to be a stupid teenage boy trying to be dark and cool and saying the worst thing he can think of.

Good luck with the police. The way the school has responded is awful.

If you had read my balanced post properly you'll see that I said it is possible. The reality is that thankfully it is unlikely. These things do happen, but not more often than not.

You'll see that I also gave sound advice about the other safeguarding avenues.

I dont have to be holding a pitchfork to be taking something seriously

Yes he is clearly interested in intimidation and fear and that indicates to me that something is happening for him at home

This happened to a child I work with (male child) and we involved the police and they worked with the school to 'talk' to the perpetrators in the school in front of their parents.

I consider myself very laid back and would be appalled by this! Where have they got that terminology from so young?! Absolutely awful

This is shocking and definitely a police matter imo.

Is the HOY male or female out of interest?

I really hope that something is done @Foxglovesandprimroses

Please go to the police. This behaviour is not normal and needs reporting. Schools are useless at taking things seriously.
Last year my 13 year old dd was physically assaulted on the school bus by a bunch of boys her age.
I should have contacted the police but left it in the hands of the YH and school. They did very little, gave the boys a rap over the knuckles and an hours detention.
She is still too scared to get that school bus.

Without going in to too much detail - a student I worked with said something about someone being verbally raped, so no where near anything like what these boys said and he got suspended over it.
He was mortified he said it but understood and agreed with the consequences.
What these boys said is vile.

These are just words and we all say things we don’t mean, so the police probably won’t do anything but they absolutely need harsher consequences.

The school need to do something and I would hope a community police officer could at least have a word with them.

I'm glad you're contacting police OP. Stay firm. This is v serious. Good for you

This is definitely a safeguarding issue. The school should have protocol to deal with this. It's very serious and I would expect the matter to be escalated in some way and the student sanctioned or even excluded for a fixed period to drive home the point that what he said is completely unacceptable. If they don't take it seriously I would inform the governors and the local education authority. The school should consider how this 'threat' makes your daughter feel and they should be concerned for her safety and the safety of other girls. How they've handled it is diabolical. I don't think you'd be 'overreacting' if you told the police.

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