How seriously should the school take threats of rape?

[Foxglovesandprimroses]

Hi

My DD is 13 and came home from school upset because two boys in her year said they'd like to pay to watch her being raped. She feels threatened and worried, understandably. One of the boys is a loner type with greasy hair and gets annoyed with my DD when they sit next to each other in class and she's chatting to others.

Have spoken to the head of year, who, while agreeing that it is serious and is going to speak to the boys tomorrow, also said that ' people often say things they don't really mean' and was keen to downplay it.

What would you expect from the school in terms of support in this situation? My instincts are to move her asap if possible.

This horrible toxic behaviour is learned. When my son was in Year 5 a lot of his friends had phones and were all in a WhatsApp group. During the World Cup, one of the boys repeated what one of the adults said whilst watching the England match. He messaged the group something along the lines of “if England lose my uncle is going out to rape someone”. This kind of threat should never be ignored or worse considered funny. You have done the right thing OP.

It as no bearing that the HOY is not the DSL, but a safeguarding lead, if the DSL is unavailable they are the one who has to step up. Clearly they need a crash course on what safeguarding involves, I would definitely name and shame in this situation.

Just wanted to point out to those who are shocked that a teenager would make such a comment - I’m 26, and when I was at school joking about rape was pretty common among some groups, especially the ‘emo’ types. I also often heard jokes about adoption, dead babies, abused women. I was actually called stuck up when I reprimanded other kids about this, so I’m so glad to hear that things are changing and this kind of thing is being taken seriously now, rather than being ‘just a distasteful joke’. Definitely set an example op!

I am a teacher and a mother of two teenagers. I work with young people up to the age of 17 who have committed very serious crimes. I would not let this be swept under the carpet.

Unwarranted overtly sexual talk to girls is now seen as a safeguarding issue in school. It needs dealing with. Even if it's just stupid boy talk it's completely wrong.

Have spoken to the head of year, who, while agreeing that it is serious and is going to speak to the boys tomorrow, also said that ' people often say things they don't really mean' and was keen to downplay it.

Good Lord! That is an inadequate response from the teacher.

A child has been sexually harassed and threatened by peers, with whom she is required to share space.

This is why girls drop out of things.

Letter to Head and CoG saying you are reporting to police. Ask what steps they have taken to safeguard not only your DD but every other girl in the school.

They should be taking safeguarding extremely seriously. It is not a matter to be downplayed in any way whatsoever.

I hope your DD is OK.

Fucking hell OP that's absolutely disgusting. I'd call the police too and would be kicking up an almighty stink with the school. Do not be fobbed off this needs to be taken seriously.

Im relieved to see you contacted the police, but want to add, I'm a school governor, we do numerous safeguarding courses, and this is one of the biggest red flags we have recently been warned about in terms of potential sexual violence. There is no excuse for the HOY comments and at our school he'd be immediately suspended and rightly so. Please complain to the governors as well

Police. Now.

Awful. Really disturbing thing to say, if the school
don’t take it extremely seriously I would not be happy. I’m not sure what the police could do though? Although I’d be overjoyed if they did do something.

School governor here - we have sadly recently had a similar incident at our school. Our response has been to report to police and SS and to encourage the parents to report to police also.

We are continuing to support both families.

This should never be minimised.

Police. Hours ago! If you won't read the whole thread, at least read the OP's updates.

If you don't get a satisfactory response tomorrow, OFSTED will be very interested.

How awful OP. Hopefully the school will take this very seriously. That is beyond nasty and intimidating. Sorry I don’t have the words. Shocking really.

They really won't unless the full statutory complaints process plus appeal process has been followed.

You don't just go running to Ofsted.

In what way, theres nothing to say the school are not doing anything

The teacher certainly didnt instill confidence by the words chosen but said that they were going to speak to the child. They didnt say thats all they were going to do, until OP knows more theres not a lot to tell Ofsted

It's also a possible report to PREVENT for incel radicalisation.

The safeguarding policy (and peer on peer abuse) will be available on the school website. It'll have the details of the Safeguarding Link Governor, who should also be copied into the complaint to the Chair of Governors (probably via the Clerk).

Just because boys say this kind of shit to girls all the time, that doesn't mean it's possible to turn a blind eye anymore - and a DSL of all people should know that. it's not 1980-fucking-5 anymore.

Some might 'just' say it to cause fear.

Some actually intend to make it happen.

The school should take it very seriously; apart from anything else, these boys need to learn that you cannot make such comments without serious consequences. It’s important that these boys learn and understand that.

I hope I’m setting your mind at rest, though - and not meaning to minimise what has happened at all - when I say that I think the actual, physical threat to your DD is likely to be very low. They’ve heard this shit
somewhere and are showing off. But they absolutely need to be made aware of the severity of the offence and its consequences.

Ofsted will definitely be interested as this is a safeguarding issue. But yes needs to go through the process in the school first

It's also a possible report to PREVENT for incel radicalisation.

Yes@NeverDropYourMooncup that's a really good point - I think that what @Foxglovesandprimroses says here:

One of the boys is a loner type with greasy hair and gets annoyed with my DD when they sit next to each other in class and she's chatting to others.

About the behaviour of the boy - read past "greasy hair" and look at his attempt at controlling behaviour: "gets annoyed with my DD when she's chatting to others."

Escalate this to Police.

How many safeguarding issues do you think schools deal with every single day of the week?

In what way do you think Ofsted are particularly interested in any of them outside of their specific inspection programme for that school?

I think I would ring the police and see what they advise. It is very worrying.