To be annoyed at being called enormous

[Howenormous]

I have an 8 month old baby. I am just getting back into running post baby. On holiday recently I returned from a run wearing tight running shorts and a vest, and my gran said to my aunty - "look isn't she enormous!".
I was pretty taken aback to be honest and sharply said what do you mean to which she laughed and said nothing.
I know for a fact I'm not 'enormous' as I'm 5'5 and weigh 54kg. However I have a history of restrictive eating so I have been much much lighter than this in the past - so probably compared to the stick I used to be maybe I am enormous. I'm proud of getting my body to a place where I have been able to have a baby, and had been finding confidence in my new body - but her words ring in my ears and I don't want it to make me go down the route of restrictive eating again.

Should I raise it with her and ask what she meant and why she said it? She's 100 and I don't want to upset her, in every other way she's lovely and I don't know why she felt the need to say it.

Or should I just work on forgetting and move on? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by this?

[LampLighter414]

She's an old bag

Don't be calling her anymore

[ChiefWiggumsBoy]

You're 8 and half stone?

I mean you're not being unreasonable to be pissed off, but you're clearly not even big let alone enormous. Are you sure she wasn't trying to be funny?!

My nan would say this directly to my face, it wouldn't be a joke because I'm twice your size. Honestly I'm not arsed seeing her anymore because she's just mean all the time to me, but if yours is generally nice to you then I'd be inclined to assume the best not the worst.

[Underroad]

It sounds like she was joking/being sarcastic to me - making a joke that you are ‘huge’ so having to go running because it’s so obvious that you are tiny.

[Egghead68]

Ignore it

[Hankunamatata]

Shes a 100 I wouldn't sweat it.

[Thethreecs]

Jaysus I wouldn't confront a 100 year old 🚑 🏥⚰️.

[Sisisimone]

Are you sure she wasn’t being sarcastic? Perhaps they had been talking about you not needing the exercise/being able to cut down on exercise because you didn’t need to lose any more weight?
This was my first thought

[UnsuitableHat]

Due to her age and the fact that you know very well you’re not enormous, I’d ignore it. Maybe if she says it directly to you again, ask her not to say things like that to you.

[InstaHun88]

Leave it. There's absolutely nothing to be gained, you've already confronted her at the time. YANBU to be hurt but move on, you're clearly not enormous.

[Howenormous]

Thanks for your replies.

For those that have questioned whether she was being maybe joking - I really don't think so as she has been known to say things like this before, e.g. she said my bum was wide when I was a teenager which has always stuck with me! And she is generally quite "fattist". Fortunately nobody else in the family is like this, I think it must be a generational thing. And she's not senile, I think it just came out.

What I found frustrating is that I've got myself to a place where I can have a baby, breastfeed, I'm back running and finally feeling confident and accepting enough of my body to wear tightish running kit and I'd just finished my run so was feeling pretty good...for my bubble to be burst and she definitely touched on a very sensitive subject.

It made me think - maybe everybody thinks I am enormous but they just don't say it.

For reference, at my lightest I was 6.5 stone and hovered around 7.5 stone for years. So she is used to me being very slim (but unhealthy). I made the choice during the pandemic to put weight on to get a regular period to conceive and she hasn't seen me much since then so in comparison I definitely look larger than before.

I will take the general advice and let it go for both of our sake. If she says it again I'll have to think of a response!

[Howenormous]

@LongLiveThyKing

I can completely relate OP I have a 7 month old baby and I’m 5’6 and 52KG but have a history of eating disorders and because I didn’t lose all the weight instantly I actually got asked if I was pregnant again! At 6 weeks postpartum! By multiple people! I was only 120lbs 😫 And after a recent family dinner with the OHs family we took a group photo which my MIL sent me over message and I said gosh that is unflattering of me and she replied words to the effect of “don’t be so hard on yourself you have two beautiful DCs” along with comments saying that she even thought my SIL looked fat and she’s never thought that. This struck me hard, and even though it was weeks ago I haven’t been able to forget it as all I could think is she thinks I’m fat and she thinks I’m ugly (if she believed that truly hideous picture of me to be representative of how I look and my children to be my only redeeming feature).

I think when you are a skinny person people get so used to the underweight -and probably the really unhappy, not eating etc - version of you that they see you now at a healthy weight and you are “enormous”. It sucks but I’d just focus on being healthy for you and your baby, you know your weight is healthy and petite so I think ignoring the negative comments is the way forward. And well done for getting back to running so soon!

Absolutely - people get used to you being the underweight version. It was part of my identity I guess.

[Nomorefuckstogive]

You are slim, fit and healthy. She is old and either doesn’t realise she’s being hurtful or thinks that because she’s old she can say what she likes. If she is cognitively functioning, she’s probably a bit jealous of your youth and vitality. Let it go 💐

[Nomorefuckstogive]

But YANBU xx

[BackAgain777]

I think older people sometimes just have no filter. I'm not sure if it's a generational thing, to do with the times they were brought up in, or a senility type brain decline. I remember my DHs gran telling me "I was putting on the beef" (getting fat), my Dad telling me I had "rugby players legs", DHs Dad telling me I didn't suit my hair when it was "up" (styled in an updo) etc etc.
I would never comment on anyone's appearance and I hope I never do even when I'm old.
For what it's worth I was a size 12! Not sure what the response is supposed to be? Are you supposed to thank them for the insult?
Anyway OP, ignore it.

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

I wouldnt confront her. But I am a size 12 and the same height as you and you're a atone lighter so you must be 8-10 which is pretty much the ideal healthy weight. You've said you've had issues with eating in the past but it seems from your post that it's not in the past. You talk about 'accepting' a body that most people would kill for, you talk about your bubble being burst...I think if you were truly happy with yourself now you would be thinking 'silly old bat, is she going blind!?' And laughed at how un PC she is, instead of letting it upset you so much. So YANBU to be upset, but I think maybe it raises questions of how you see yourself and if there is any work you can do to see yourself in a realistic way...you said you questioned if everyone sees you as enormous...realistically of course they don't, you're much smaller than average, but it is worrying you've even wondered this.

[Jmaho]

Aside from the fact that your Gran is a complete cow, 54kg makes you in the 8 stones. At 5 ft 5 inches there is no way on earth you could be considered anything other than very slim!

[tinx]

@Howenormous


let’s be real here…

clearly you are not enormous!!

how can you be thinking to start restricting again because of a comment from a 100 year old woman?


You are a mum now, put your baby first and your own health first forget everything else that doesn’t serve you.


:)

[rhowton]

Was she being sarcastic?

[AmbushedByCake]

OP I am actually enormous.

Would you like me to come sit on her until she can tell the difference between us?

[Allthelols]

Im your height and when I was only a little bit thinner than you are now I had no periods for 8 years, got osteoporosis and was always cold, tired, had thin hair. To some my weight wasn’t that low but it was too low for my build clearly.
All I was ever told was oh you are so slim you are lucky etc. No one saw the disordered eating and constant guilt and checking and self loathing. If my body looked nice then it was not compensation for the horrible place my head was in one bit.
When I got my head around how unhealthy it was and gained weight gradually, got my period back etc I had SO many people comment on how much weight I’d gained and now I am dragged in and included in the ‘don’t we hate how fat we are’ banter at work and even had someone ask what I do about thigh chaffing when I run today. I’m 9stone4.

Our absolute obsession in society with bodies and shapes and weight gain is ridiculous and so totally messed up that all you can do in the end is make peace with yourself and how you feel about your own body.
Your amazing body grew, birthed and is feeding a baby and also took you out running, something many people couldn’t even contemplate doing. It is a thing of beauty and joy and it’s the only one you got so you have to love it and not allow anyone else’s opinion on it to take up any space in your head at all.

[Mummyneedsacoffee]

You obviously know you are not “enormous”
, you are lovely and healthy. I know she’s 100 but she’s clearly clueless!
please don’t think you are actually enormous. I know from experience just one comment can really affect someone, you know you’re healthy and happy, this sounds like a silly comment someone made.

if she says something again I would just retaliate with “happy and healthy” and let it go xx

[Newpuppymummy]

Do you think she was being sarcastic? In no are you are enormous

[Wavygravy1]

No wonder people get eating disorders with family like that!

[allboysherebutme]

Maybe just say to her how hurtful her words are and how she should think what she says to people, as unkind words can have a very bad effect on some people. X

[Indicatrice]

I voted YANBU but changed it to YABU when you said she was ONE HUNDRED YEARS old.

Give her a break! Just tell her ‘no I’m not enormous’ and move on.