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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at being called enormous

121 replies

Howenormous · 19/05/2022 16:21

I have an 8 month old baby. I am just getting back into running post baby. On holiday recently I returned from a run wearing tight running shorts and a vest, and my gran said to my aunty - "look isn't she enormous!".
I was pretty taken aback to be honest and sharply said what do you mean to which she laughed and said nothing.
I know for a fact I'm not 'enormous' as I'm 5'5 and weigh 54kg. However I have a history of restrictive eating so I have been much much lighter than this in the past - so probably compared to the stick I used to be maybe I am enormous. I'm proud of getting my body to a place where I have been able to have a baby, and had been finding confidence in my new body - but her words ring in my ears and I don't want it to make me go down the route of restrictive eating again.

Should I raise it with her and ask what she meant and why she said it? She's 100 and I don't want to upset her, in every other way she's lovely and I don't know why she felt the need to say it.

Or should I just work on forgetting and move on? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 19/05/2022 16:25

You are not unreasonable to be annoyed but raising it with her will probably just prolong your annoyance. I would just try to ignore and move on. You are clearly v far from enormous.

Mally100 · 19/05/2022 16:26

Yanbu that was a horrible thing to say given you've had a baby. I'm 5'4 and weigh 54kg and I'm a petite size 8 so there is no way that you are enormous, let alone in any way overweight. So what if she's 100, she should know better at her age! I would definitely say something as she will probably do it again.

JennyAct3 · 19/05/2022 16:27

5ft 5 and 54 kgs, you are clearly very slim. Your Gran is 100 so I would completely ignore her comment. It was rude, hurtful and inaccurate but she is a very old lady so take the high moral ground.

EinsteinaGogo · 19/05/2022 16:27

If your nan is indicative of your upbringing, OP, you're a bloody marvel to have got your head around healthy eating at all.

Ignore ignore ignore. She has her own twisted demons, and you're a healthy, active new mum with her head screwed on 💕

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 19/05/2022 16:28

I don't think there's much to be gained from raising this with a person who is 100. Most likely her empathy is blunted and her impulse control poorer these days as her brain ages. Most likely she meant you're larger than she remembers you being when you were unhealthily small.

Hold on to the good place you're in and let it go.

EinsteinaGogo · 19/05/2022 16:28

I missed that she was 100 -'sorry!

Aria999 · 19/05/2022 16:28

Could she have meant your boobs?

Comedycook · 19/05/2022 16:28

I don't know kg so had to convert it into stone and omg, it's less than nine stone. Obviously you're not enormous...but she's 100... don't bother to challenge. She's talking nonsense

Discovereads · 19/05/2022 16:29

YANBU to be annoyed, but I’d not mention it. At 100yrs old, she’s probably senile and so has regressed to having the tact of a toddler.

2orangey · 19/05/2022 16:30

YANBU. 54kg...that's only 8.5 stone isn't it? I weigh that and I'm an inch shorter. I think if anything you must be slimmer than average, possibly a size 8/10? All I can think is that maybe your figure is a little different now that you've had a baby, if were super slim before there might be a contrast. And I know elderly relatives sometimes have no filter....

CloudPop · 19/05/2022 16:30

As someone said previously, a lifetime of that kind of crap is probably what led to your difficult relationship with eating. Well done for breaking out if the loop and no - you are far from enormous.

Roughntumble · 19/05/2022 16:33

Well I haven't voted because, while you're absolutely NOT unreasonable to be annoyed by her comment, she is 100 so maybe give her a pass? I hope your aunt told her that you're not? Has nan got good eyesight? Any 100 year olds I've come across were pretty visually challenged!

At 5'5 you're the perfect weight I'd say, and its great that you've got confidence in your body; I'm 5'7 and weigh 4 stone more than you and I just cannot seem to get to a point where I both feel healthy and look ok.

Put your nan's hurtful comment out of your mind and keep on doing what you're doing. She's probably one of those people who feel that at 100yoa they can say what they like!

Clymene · 19/05/2022 16:34

Just ignore it. You're slim. If she says anything again, ask if she thinks she's beginning to suffer with dementia.

And well done for getting to a healthy weight to be able to conceive.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/05/2022 16:35

I'd leave it now, you replied at the time and that was probably enough.

IF she does it again I would tell her she's being rude - Miranda style ideally, just look at her and say 'Rude!' IDGAF if shes 100, she's still rude!

KILM · 19/05/2022 16:35

I actually, at your weight and height, would have interpretated it as she was making a joke, in the same way if for example someone saw a picture of Marilyn Monroe and joked 'well, she's hideous isnt she'
Like, its so obvious that you arent bigger that thats the point of the joke? I hope this makes sense. Obviously not a great one if it hurt your feelings!

Somuddled · 19/05/2022 16:36

It was an unkind thing to say but I'm not sure why you want to ask her what she meant. Surely it's is really clear. She meant that she thinks you look big.

Keeping in mind that when she was in her 20s and 30s the accepted view was that womens main value way how they looked. So I would either ignore entirely or if I did feel I had to say something it would be more along the lines of explaning to her that I felt pleased that the world isnt quite as terrible for women now on that front and if she still hold thoes views, I'm not interested in hearing them.

Snowflakes1122 · 19/05/2022 16:37

YANBU. I can understand where your restrictive eating issues stem from 😞 Many women struggle with body image after a baby, and this was completely unacceptable.

Your weight is ideal for your height. Please don’t listen to the comments.

cecilthehungryspider · 19/05/2022 16:40

YANBU to be upset but I don't think it is worth saying anything. At 100 she won't be around much longer and it's not worth causing an upset over it. A lot of it will be generational. I know family members around my grandmother's age are terrible for commenting on weight. TBF in my case I actually am overweight but it's still none of their business!

catscatscatseverywhere · 19/05/2022 16:40

Ignore it. My grandma also works for weight loss police and always is the first one to comment on how you look.

ErrolTheDragon · 19/05/2022 16:40

Given that you're clearly not even slightly large, maybe she just used completely the wrong word and she meant something like 'awesome'?

AngelinaFangelina · 19/05/2022 16:41

At 100 I couldn't be bothered bringing this up. You clearly are not so don't give it any more thought.
My gran was so rude when she got into her 80s, I've no idea what happened but she seemed to just lose her filter and would say anything she thought. When she was in hospital (nothing terribly serious) they actually moved her into a single room as she was so annoying and fiesty. We never took it seriously and all felt her sharp tongue at some point. Now she's gone we all laugh at some of the things she used to say to us in the guise of advise.

yellowsuninthesky · 19/05/2022 16:41

Discovereads · 19/05/2022 16:29

YANBU to be annoyed, but I’d not mention it. At 100yrs old, she’s probably senile and so has regressed to having the tact of a toddler.

Actually a lot of 100 year olds are not senile at all.

That doesn't mean that her comments were not inaccurate and hurtful.

If it makes you feel better OP when I started running (and I was only around 58kg at the time) I was called a running marshmallow! I was wearing a pink t-shirt at the time but...

SnowyPetals · 19/05/2022 16:42

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 19/05/2022 16:28

I don't think there's much to be gained from raising this with a person who is 100. Most likely her empathy is blunted and her impulse control poorer these days as her brain ages. Most likely she meant you're larger than she remembers you being when you were unhealthily small.

Hold on to the good place you're in and let it go.

Exactly this. Elderly people sometimes have a lesser ability to check their thoughts before they express them compared with when they were younger. You are clearly not enormous so take it with a pinch of salt.

PinkSyCo · 19/05/2022 16:42

Are you sure she wasn’t being sarcastic? Either way, you clearly are not enormous so please don’t let the words of a very old (possibly slightly senile?) lady affect you.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 16:42

Somuddled · 19/05/2022 16:36

It was an unkind thing to say but I'm not sure why you want to ask her what she meant. Surely it's is really clear. She meant that she thinks you look big.

Keeping in mind that when she was in her 20s and 30s the accepted view was that womens main value way how they looked. So I would either ignore entirely or if I did feel I had to say something it would be more along the lines of explaning to her that I felt pleased that the world isnt quite as terrible for women now on that front and if she still hold thoes views, I'm not interested in hearing them.

Even in an earlier era, the OP would not have been considered big. She is a slim woman.