To be annoyed at being called enormous

[Howenormous]

I have an 8 month old baby. I am just getting back into running post baby. On holiday recently I returned from a run wearing tight running shorts and a vest, and my gran said to my aunty - "look isn't she enormous!".
I was pretty taken aback to be honest and sharply said what do you mean to which she laughed and said nothing.
I know for a fact I'm not 'enormous' as I'm 5'5 and weigh 54kg. However I have a history of restrictive eating so I have been much much lighter than this in the past - so probably compared to the stick I used to be maybe I am enormous. I'm proud of getting my body to a place where I have been able to have a baby, and had been finding confidence in my new body - but her words ring in my ears and I don't want it to make me go down the route of restrictive eating again.

Should I raise it with her and ask what she meant and why she said it? She's 100 and I don't want to upset her, in every other way she's lovely and I don't know why she felt the need to say it.

Or should I just work on forgetting and move on? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by this?

[SirenSays]

Im aorry OP that must havw stung but dont take it to heart.
My nana was usually a lovely woman but age does strange things to the brain. Towards the end she'd flip between telling us there was a lion at the door, asking if we wanted a toffee and calling my happily married SIL a slut for getting pregnant.

[YouHaventDoneAnyWork]

I didn’t read any comments suggesting OP confront her gran something untoward regarding dementia, you’ve come up with that on your own.

Losing mental and physical capacity is a fact of the aging process.

[Parkperson00]

@YouHaventDoneAnyWork

Clymene (2022-05-19 15:34:31):

Just ignore it. You're slim. If she says anything again, ask if she thinks she's beginning to suffer with dementia.

[Clymene]

@Parkperson00

@YouHaventDoneAnyWork

Clymene (2022-05-19 15:34:31):

Just ignore it. You're slim. If she says anything again, ask if she thinks she's beginning to suffer with dementia.

So let me get this straight @Parkperson00 - an elderly person is perfectly within their rights to make cruel and unpleasant remarks to a younger person but the younger person is not allowed to retort in any way?

[Johnnysgirl]

You sound so aggressive, Clymene
We're talking about a 100 year old person here...

[Clymene]

@Johnnysgirl

You sound so aggressive, Clymene
We're talking about a 100 year old person here...

No, not aggressive, just asking what @Parkperson00 thinks someone should do when an elderly person makes a deliberately cruel remark.

[Imaginary]

You can't be enormous at 54kg. I was very slim when I was that weight (although I'm taller than you).
But she's 100, so I'd just ignore it.

[JennyAct3]

100 is terribly old, I commented earlier in the thread. I do think someone that age should be given some slack, of course she shouldn’t have said it and clearly the Op is very slim so her Gran is talking nonsense. But yes I agree with those saying just ignore and don’t engage.

[Comedycook]

I do think someone that age should be given some slack

Absolutely agree

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

My DH is 42 and his gran is 104, the age thing is not an issue.

Ignore, move on, if she says anything again your response could be along the lines of 'don't be cruel gran I am a healthy weight and you are hurting my feelings by criticising me' - or even 'oh do fuck off nan that's mean'.

[Ihaventgottimeforthis]

I think elderly people do generally become more disinhibited with what they say, but that doesn't mean we can't respond in the moment. They're still people, even if they are old. They don't get a free pass to be cruel and offensive.

[Tulips21]

@Mally100

Yanbu that was a horrible thing to say given you've had a baby. I'm 5'4 and weigh 54kg and I'm a petite size 8 so there is no way that you are enormous, let alone in any way overweight. So what if she's 100, she should know better at her age! I would definitely say something as she will probably do it again.

I agree- I would say something too

[10HailMarys]

It was a rotten thing to say and of course it was hurtful, but I don't think there's anything to be gained from mentioning it to her, given her age and your otherwise good relationship.

I would add that a lot of very elderly people have absolutely no filter and become very outspoken. Nothing to do with dementia, just one of those gradual changes that seems to happen to a lot of people. Anyone who's ever worked in a care home is familiar with suddenly blunt remarks that seemingly come from nowhere, even from residents who have no dementia.

[Parkperson00]

@Clymene I don't think many people would respond by calling a very elderly lady a 'cunt' in real life. It is horribly aggressive and ageist

[showmethegin]

@AffIt

Maybe I'm just a cynic, but are there bits of this story that don't add up?

5'5" and weigh less than 9st... yes, fair, it's on the lighter side, but not impossible. Lots of people are naturally slim.

Called 'enormous' even though on the lighter side - again, we live in a shitty society that views women as commodities, so not entirely a million miles away from the truth.

To a woman who has a very young child, so 45 at probably the absolute widest margin, by a gran, who's 100...

Um. Rly?

My Nan is 100 and Im 36 weeks pregnant and will be 34 in July. Not that odd is it?

[Merryclaire]

My Nan once said in front of the whole wider family (in a horrified voice) ‘gosh, what a big girl you’ve turned into, it’s such a shame’.
I am overweight (though I don’t think I’m ‘big’ as such) - but was extremely upset to have been humiliated like this in front of everyone.
Given her age, general ignorance as a person, and fact I didn’t want to upset others in the family, I decided to just let it go and didn’t change my behaviour towards her.
However, inside I’ve never forgiven her - it was the last straw on a pretty poor show of grandmothering throughout my whole life (too much of a long story to describe).
If I really think about her, she makes me feel angry and so nowadays I barely give her a second thought as a person.
So there’s an option for you - publicly let it go, and seethe on the inside!

[Clymene]

@Parkperson00

@Clymene I don't think many people would respond by calling a very elderly lady a 'cunt' in real life. It is horribly aggressive and ageist

And if you can find any evidence that I would have said that to her or that OP should have done, go ahead.

As I said before, I said that's how she was behaving.

[ChiefWiggumsBoy]

It made me think - maybe everybody thinks I am enormous but they just don't say it

@Howenormous You clearly have a history of disordered eating and skewed body image, at the very least.

NO ONE thinks you're enormous. You need to let this one go as nan being either bitchy or trying for funny. Your choice.

But please try and let it go.

[WildNights]

How about the comment this woman made when OP was a teen? And the fact that OP describes her as ‘fattest’, which hints she has made other shitty comments about people’s weight. Does being 100 years old excuse all past and present behaviour? Fuck that. If people don’t want to be called a cunt then they shouldn’t act like one.

[kateandme]

The worse thing about this is us as a society trying to constantly throughout this thread persuade the op that its ok shes not fat.do we not see a bloody big problem here.ft phobia and diet culture make living in any body hard.but can you imagine if she was fat.woukd that be ok?should she then feel awful?we've been persuading op her weights not enormous.what of the posters who are?or if she was.noone deserve to feel lesser than.noone knows the lengths someone goes to be be any weight.nor the story behind weight gain or loss.eeryonr deserves love and respect and to honour and feel good.not only if your society acceptable weight.
And it's feeds the eating disorder that its ok because your not fat.what if she got fat.what if she gained weight.the ed would spin this as then awful.tell her she needs to stay slim.then it's all ok,we can deal with the comments because she is clearly tiny?wrong

[YouHaventDoneAnyWork]

So what are you suggesting @kateandme?

That OP explains societal pressure of body image to a 100 year old in the hope she never says anything to anyone about size, or that no one on the thread should say that based on the height/weight stats the OP gave she is healthy BMI (and that’s very relevant here given the OP said she may have a skewed body image).