To be annoyed at being called enormous

[Howenormous]

I have an 8 month old baby. I am just getting back into running post baby. On holiday recently I returned from a run wearing tight running shorts and a vest, and my gran said to my aunty - "look isn't she enormous!".
I was pretty taken aback to be honest and sharply said what do you mean to which she laughed and said nothing.
I know for a fact I'm not 'enormous' as I'm 5'5 and weigh 54kg. However I have a history of restrictive eating so I have been much much lighter than this in the past - so probably compared to the stick I used to be maybe I am enormous. I'm proud of getting my body to a place where I have been able to have a baby, and had been finding confidence in my new body - but her words ring in my ears and I don't want it to make me go down the route of restrictive eating again.

Should I raise it with her and ask what she meant and why she said it? She's 100 and I don't want to upset her, in every other way she's lovely and I don't know why she felt the need to say it.

Or should I just work on forgetting and move on? Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed by this?

[AffIt]

Maybe I'm just a cynic, but are there bits of this story that don't add up?

5'5" and weigh less than 9st... yes, fair, it's on the lighter side, but not impossible. Lots of people are naturally slim.

Called 'enormous' even though on the lighter side - again, we live in a shitty society that views women as commodities, so not entirely a million miles away from the truth.

To a woman who has a very young child, so 45 at probably the absolute widest margin, by a gran, who's 100...

Um. Rly?

[Howenormous]

@AffIt

Maybe I'm just a cynic, but are there bits of this story that don't add up?

5'5" and weigh less than 9st... yes, fair, it's on the lighter side, but not impossible. Lots of people are naturally slim.

Called 'enormous' even though on the lighter side - again, we live in a shitty society that views women as commodities, so not entirely a million miles away from the truth.

To a woman who has a very young child, so 45 at probably the absolute widest margin, by a gran, who's 100...

Um. Rly?

Lol, yes rly

I'm in my early 30s and both my mum and gran had babies in their mid-late 30s.

Plenty of people at 5'5 weigh less than 9st. At my lightest I weighed 6.5st.
As you imagine I must look VERY different now at 8.5st Vs 6.5. Not enormous in most people's eyes, but perhaps in comparison to how I used to look.

[YouHaventDoneAnyWork]

She’s 100 and statistically is likely to be suffering some level of dementia even if not overt.

You sound in a healthier place but still have issues with body image.

Combined, you need to let it go.

[Knittingchamp]

Are you sure she wasn't making a joke about saying you're enormous because you're clearly tiny already at that heiggt and weight, and she was trying to make a point that you didn't need to try and lose any more?! That'd sound more like it to me. Her generation probably wouldn't faff about with jogging and were curvier anyway so you might come across as little to her already, with no need for all the exercising! She might have thought that was a nice way of joking about it and getting you to slow down with humour.

Usually I'd say have it out with her but as she's 100 I'd definitely let it go, as you say she's very nice (which also makes me think she might have done the above), and go forward trying to tackle your negative ideas toward your own body instead as your idea of yourself seems a lot more negative than it probably should be.

[Tamzo85]

Get over it, she’s 100. Anyone who would actually bring this up with a 100 year old is ridiculous. She was a grown woman in the 40’s ffs when this was totally normal and now at 100 she is unlikely to have full cognition. Let her say whatever the fuck she wants and go easy on her and hope someone will do the same for you.

[Tamzo85]

@Knittingchamp

Her generation definetly we’re not “curvier”, her generation was the 40’s and 50’s, people were far less fat back then. She may well perceive people considered “normal” by us as “enormous”. I’m 60 and I know I do sometimes.

Regardless she is 100, laugh it off.

[Longdistance]

‘Gran, you should’ve gone to SpecSavers!’

[Tamzo85]

After rereading your post I can’t help but think how completely unreasonable you are being, as in you aren’t using your reason and are acting like this isn’t an incredibly old woman

You have already confronted an 100 year old about a rude comment and are now thinking of doing it again. Why? Why not just laugh it off as she is 100?

This post really is peak Mumsnet, just move on because she is 100 ffs. A reasonable person would laugh off or at comments by a person of this age, not take them online to get confirmation she should question her over them.

I repeat - this woman is 100, think about it.

[JennyForeigner]

Agree your gran is past the age of full responsibility but your aunt and any other family should be batting this back on your behalf. It's not on to implicitly encourage it, if that's what happened.

I have babies of a similar age and weigh a lot more than you. If anyone says my body is huge, I respond with something like 'hugely awesome to have made these incredible new lives and I appreciate it every day'

And then appreciate it.

[catfunk]

I have an elderly aunt with dementia and she goes around saying everyone is fat.

Op you had an eating disorder and you managed get a handle on it in order to conceive. That's incredible ! Bugger her.

[Sunnysideup999]

At 100 she might not have all her marbles!
ignore ignore ignore and if she says similar again ask her to clarify exactly what she means as her comments are hurtful

[Tamzo85]

@catfunk

I think some very elderly people really just see loads of people as fat. Because to them by the standards of when they were younger or “in their day”, people are fatter. Once they get past a certain age they just lose the filter - and also this woman was a grown woman in the 40’s and 50’s were saying stuff like this wasn’t considered unacceptable.

Im 60 and even though I never tell them, loads of people in the last 30 years of so look way too fat to me compared to in the past. Especially young people.

[FAQs]

Are you sure it wasn’t in reference to her not seeing the point of you running because you’re so slim. So a dig at your running and and sarcasm, the opposite of enormous.

[MrsLargeEmbodied]

she is 100!
and she is rude
just ignore

[AtwilightRebellion]

But you are clearly not enormous. I am 5.5 and many moons ago 54kilos and I was tiny. I remember how slim I was. So you know you are too.

At 100 years old I would simply ignore, especial as its demonstrably not true.

[Shamplade]

You are clearly far from enormous- which makes me wonder about her perception. Certain forms of dementia involve occasional hallucinations. Her vision is likely to be poor. Mix those two together and who knows how you might have looked.

Her word finding might not be great. She may have meant to say something completely different.

I’d put it down to senility TBH.

[hazandduck]

Op I am the same height and weight as you and I am happy generally with my body even though when I was younger I was about a stone less I was not any where near as healthy or happy! I know I work out and eat ok and am setting a good example to my kids.

My mum however has a very unhealthy relationship with food, she is malnourished and basically bones, she said to me the other day when I was just sat happily lounging in the sun “such a shame you got your dad’s legs and not mine.” I said what do you mean and she said “very meaty.” That comment just knocked me back to the insecure teenager I was, it is very hard to ignore these things but people who make these comments won’t change, it isn’t worth dwelling on it.

Be proud of your body for growing a baby! It’s a beautiful and miraculous thing ❤️

[KohlaParasaurus]

She had a little slip twixt eye and lip. She meant to say, "Isn't she gorgeous?" Happens to everyone sometimes.

[insomnia101]

That was really rude of her and such a horrible thing to say - whether she's 100 or not! (I'm referring to this because of people saying 'give her a pass because she's 100')

I do think it's horrible what she has said. I would completely ignore her comment as you did challenge her at the time, however if she made another, I'll tell her "what you've just said is really hurtful".

Do not go back to restricting your eating. Nothing is worth that. Focus on being healthy and your well-being.

[WildNights]

You’re a healthy weight and sounds like you’re in a much better place than you have been previously. Your grand attitude towards weight sounds problematic, awful what she said to you as a teen as well. Don’t let her affect you, your doing well and are healthy, just think ‘silly old cunt’ and roll your eyes.

[Howenormous]

@Longdistance

‘Gran, you should’ve gone to SpecSavers!’

Love it - this is the perfect response it it happens again!

Thank you for all the replies understanding where I'm coming from. I won't bring it up with her, it's not worth it and I don't want to spoil our otherwise good relationship. To those who said it's more an issue with my own body image than her - absolutely! I know this and I'm working on it. But comments like this don't help.

And to the person who said this is peak Mumsnet - I'm honoured! But seriously, I doesn't sound like you have any comprehension of what it's like to have body image issues. Regardless of whether she's 100 or 50 a comment like that can sting.

[Parkperson00]

This reminds of a poster on here who left her baby with her 98 year old great Nan and then complained that her great nan fell asleep when looking after the baby . Some posters are completely unrealistic about their expectations of really elderly people. As for the posters who suggest the OP accuse her 100 year old grandmother of dementia, unbelievably unkind.
It is a common response to MILS on here. Truck them into thinking they have dementia, an incurable terminal disease. Can you imagine being annoyed with a friend and trying to suggest to her that she had breast cancer?
Some very thoughtless and cruel posters on this thread.
MN posters constantly request special consideration because they are hormonal or pregnant or have PND or are struggling with motherhood. Perhaps the same consideration should be shown for someone who is very very old?

[Clymene]

@Parkperson00

This reminds of a poster on here who left her baby with her 98 year old great Nan and then complained that her great nan fell asleep when looking after the baby . Some posters are completely unrealistic about their expectations of really elderly people. As for the posters who suggest the OP accuse her 100 year old grandmother of dementia, unbelievably unkind.
It is a common response to MILS on here. Truck them into thinking they have dementia, an incurable terminal disease. Can you imagine being annoyed with a friend and trying to suggest to her that she had breast cancer?
Some very thoughtless and cruel posters on this thread.
MN posters constantly request special consideration because they are hormonal or pregnant or have PND or are struggling with motherhood. Perhaps the same consideration should be shown for someone who is very very old?

Being very old doesn't give you the right to behave like a cunt

[Parkperson00]

Calling a 100 year old woman who makes a thoughtless remark a 'cunt' is pretty nasty. I hope you are never involved in care work.
Last time there were suggestions about suggesting someone elderly had a terminal illness like dementia, I forwarded a link with the thread to Age Concern who campaign for the rights of the elderly. They were pretty shocked. Hopefully most posters on MN are kind, decent people and not people who throw abusive terms such as ´cunt' at a centenarian

[Clymene]

@Parkperson00

Calling a 100 year old woman who makes a thoughtless remark a 'cunt' is pretty nasty. I hope you are never involved in care work.
Last time there were suggestions about suggesting someone elderly had a terminal illness like dementia, I forwarded a link with the thread to Age Concern who campaign for the rights of the elderly. They were pretty shocked. Hopefully most posters on MN are kind, decent people and not people who throw abusive terms such as ´cunt' at a centenarian

No, I don't work in care.

But that's irrelevant. The OP is a woman who has had an eating disorder, who is a perfectly healthy weight and has been referred to as 'enormous'. If the OP's grandmother is normally a kind and lovely woman who has said something so cruel and very out of character, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that she may be starting to suffer from dementia. There is no shame in dementia so I'm not sure why you're implying it.


Incidentally, I didn't say she was a cunt, I said she was behaving like one. There is a difference.