Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband taking only car on stag do

351 replies

Clego · 19/05/2022 15:55

My husband and I have a one year old, and he is due to go on his brother's stag do for two nights in June. It will be his second stag do of the year and the third time he has left me for more than one night to look after DS.

We live in a village and have only one car between us, which my husband bought. I did have my own car, but sold it as we used it so infrequently that I kept having to replace the battery.

My husband wants to take our only car on the stag do, which would leave me and DS car-less for the weekend (not great for emergencies and would leave me and DS house bound). I have offered to pay for a rental car for him to use, but he is insisting that he wants to take our car. My real problem is that I would have to move our very safe, but very heavy and difficult to install car seat into a rental car, just so he can take our car instead. Husband cannot fit the car seat as he's not very practical, and given that DS's safety is at stake, I'm not prepared to let him do a rubbish job of it.

Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to take a rental car so I don't have to fight with the car seat twice?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2022 18:57

As OP said she rarely used her car, its reasonable to assume she lives somewhere she doesn't need it on a day to day basis. Therefore it is just a case of the MN accident that might happen. If it does there are taxis ambulance or neighbours

emmetgirl · 19/05/2022 18:58

He's a tosser.

Lockheart · 19/05/2022 19:00

Ponderingwindow · 19/05/2022 18:50

Baby develops fever and you need to go to doctor in daylight hours. Doctor is 20 miles away.

you realize that you ran out of bread/milk. You just want some chocolate. Nearest store is 8 miles away.

there is no taxi in town. There is a bus 8 miles away. It comes once a day on weekdays and only goes to the main city center.

Not everyone has walking distance options.

And then you're in an accident on the way to the doctors.

Or the car breaks down on the way to the shops.

We could play the what-if game all day, it's pointless.

What you can do is make sure there's plenty of food in before and accept that the odds of your child developing a fever which needs a doctor in the space of this specific 48 hours are pretty low. The same as the odds of being in an accident or breaking down.

Emmelina · 19/05/2022 19:02

I assume with it being a stag do that your DH will be drinking! I wonder about the practicalities of him taking a car at all.
Is it close enough for you to drop off/pick up? Or offer to drop off/pick up from the train or bus station or his brother’s house?

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/05/2022 19:02

I wouldn't particularly mind being at home with a toddler for two days. I would like to feel that my DP was thinking of me in his decision making though.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/05/2022 19:04

Well personally I think YABU. It's a couple of nights in June, invite a friend or family member to come over for that weekend. Get a food delivery or go shopping the day before he goes. Have a BBQ. Go to the park, go for walks, download an entire box series you want to watch and binge it on the sofa surrounded by bags of crisps and bottles of coke.

Inconvenient - yes. But it's really not insurmountable.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 19:04

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2022 18:57

As OP said she rarely used her car, its reasonable to assume she lives somewhere she doesn't need it on a day to day basis. Therefore it is just a case of the MN accident that might happen. If it does there are taxis ambulance or neighbours

Why?

She shares a car with her husband. You have no idea if he even uses it to go to work.

They only need one car.

She is looking after their child for the weekend solo so that he can go on a jolly.

Why should she be further inconvenienced? Where's the give and take? Or is it penis takes all?

SleeplessWB · 19/05/2022 19:05

For me the point is that if OP is doing all childcare so that DH can go away, he should make life easy for her by leaving the car... In our house this wouldn't even be a conversation.

AchatAVendre · 19/05/2022 19:06

I'd be more annoyed by your DH's repeated jaunts away, expecting you to pay for a hire car to facilitate it and his inability to fit a child seat for his own child than the car. He sounds very selfish.

IfNoTwitterThenWhat · 19/05/2022 19:08

No way would I look after the child without a car. You need to be able to go places. The car stays with the child, YANBU

Blarting · 19/05/2022 19:10

YABU to say the old adage of what about emergencies, I'm one of 6, neither parent could drive and we all survived. Lots of people can't drive or afford a car. You're using emotional whataboutery to win the argument .

YABU maybe about the amount of stag dos he's gone to, based on whose they are. A brothers really important, a work mate from 7 years ago, not so much.

YANBU that he should accept the hire care and leave you with the car for transport. Don't understand why you would pay for it, it comes from family money.

HappydaysArehere · 19/05/2022 19:11

Do you have anyone in your neighbourhood who could help you in an emergency or a cab firm? It is only for a couple of days but I know how vulnerable you can feel when the car isn’t there. The fact that this has happened other times of late is blooming annoying. However, tempting it is to make an issue of the situation perhaps it isn’t worth it. Must say my dh could be selfish and thoughtless when we were young but if you can wait a decade or so he will probably grow up and be the complete opposite.

BreakorMake · 19/05/2022 19:12

Hide (pretend you've lost) the car keys on the morning of his departure. The fallout (if any) will tell you all you need to know.

StoneofDestiny · 19/05/2022 19:17

We .....have only one car between us, which my husband bought

how does this even happen in a marriage? Surely the car is jointly owned?

Anyway - just get taxis if you need to get out.

Pyri · 19/05/2022 19:18

IfNoTwitterThenWhat · 19/05/2022 19:08

No way would I look after the child without a car. You need to be able to go places. The car stays with the child, YANBU

Do people really take their child out in the car every single day of the year?! Really?

toastofthetown · 19/05/2022 19:20

BreakorMake · 19/05/2022 19:12

Hide (pretend you've lost) the car keys on the morning of his departure. The fallout (if any) will tell you all you need to know.

What could that possibly tell the OP? That people get frustrated if they can't leave at their planned time due something as simple as lost car keys? Especially if the husband isn't the one who lost them.

FreetheKhalo · 19/05/2022 19:21

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2022 15:57

You can't just plan ahead and stay home for a couple of days?

He can’t just plan ahead and use alternate transport?

ladytessa · 19/05/2022 19:24

You sound so helpless! Rental cars can have car seats included so you don't have to lift anything heavy. Or just spend the wknd at home, not the end of the world.

JennyForeigner · 19/05/2022 19:25

I feel like I'm going a bit mad OP. All of these comments saying YABU. I live in a village with similar age children and would be uncomfortable with this. I am a less confident driver than my husband and want a car I know. I would hate being without the means to get the baby to a doctor if needed.

Just feels wrong to me.

Crikeyalmighty · 19/05/2022 19:29

People making lots of assumptions here - that OP is in a village with facilities- any facilities! Some these days are literally just houses and as I don't drive I never live in one

Also that OP has a garden and friends/neighbours she could call on locally in an emergency.

To be honest i don't see why H needs a car on a stag weekend- they are usually in a big town or city and hence have metros or at least taxis!! And I'm sure OP could take him to the train station- personally I think it's selfish in his part .

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/05/2022 19:32

Absolutely nothing to do with penis takes all. I was working on the basis that most people who live somewhere that they can't get out and about without a car would most probably need a car for work. The OP has a one year old so has probably been on maternity leave recently. If her DH needed the car for work and she wasn't using her car so sold it then I would take that to mean she had access to shops playgroups parks etc without the need for a car.
This may not be the case but if her village was that cut off or rural then they would most likely need 2 cars

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 19:35

Do people really take their child out in the car every single day of the year?! Really

No but the OP just wants the option to go out for the day, if she wants to instead of having to stay at home.

What if she finds out about a food festival or other event in a town 20 miles away that takes ages to get to on the bus, or she decides to go to the beach or whatever?

But no, nearly everyone seems to think she has to sit in her own garden or walk around the village that she's probably circuitef hundreds of times before.

DelphiniumBlue · 19/05/2022 19:35

I think it's selfish of him to take the car and leave you stranded for a whole weekend whilst looking after his baby.
If he really does need to drive to the stag do, he can get a hire car, but better still, get a lift with someone.
If he sees the car as his, and thinks he has more say than you, then it's not a shared car, and if I were you I'd be getting my own car again.
Quite honestly he sounds very second-rate... the fact that he would even consider taking the car to go on his 3rd jolly of the year leaving you holding the baby , is mean. Then you say he's so impractical he can't fit a car seat...wtaf! And why should you fund a hire car? He's the one going off for the weekend! What actual use is he?

Ponderingwindow · 19/05/2022 19:37

It’s a big assumption that someone is taking the car for work. We kept two cars just because someone running long errands or going out for a day left the other person very isolated, but DH and I both WFH so neither of us drive to work.

Pyri · 19/05/2022 19:44

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2022 19:35

Do people really take their child out in the car every single day of the year?! Really

No but the OP just wants the option to go out for the day, if she wants to instead of having to stay at home.

What if she finds out about a food festival or other event in a town 20 miles away that takes ages to get to on the bus, or she decides to go to the beach or whatever?

But no, nearly everyone seems to think she has to sit in her own garden or walk around the village that she's probably circuitef hundreds of times before.

Ah yes I see, the hypothetical food festival which OP cannot possibly see is on until the day of the festival and which she would definitely want to visit with a one year old. On her own. Definitely wouldn’t want to just stay around the house, sit in the garden with a picnic and invite a family member / friend for a takeaway in the evening. She’ll probably be too full up from all the hypothetical food at the hypothetical food festival.