My coworker is doing my head in!

[cuppateaandabiccie]

Recently, one of my coworkers split up from her boyfriend (they had been with each other for about 2 years )

it was clear that it wasn’t going to work as she was always coming into work with some sort of drama that had happened between them and they were always on and off.

they split up for good (allegedly) about 3 weeks ago and all she does is talk about him in work.

i know him (not personally or all that well) from being out at a work dinner as we brought our OHs with us and I have him on my Facebook lists.

this coworker is constantly talking about him In work and how terrible he is and she’s running around telling people who work in different offices about him. She is constantly getting us to “take sides” and she even asked me to delete him off my Facebook list!

the problem is, the others are joining in and I seem to be the only one who thinks this is all dramatic and not suitable for the workplace!

this is more a WWYD?

Well, if all of this isn't suitable for the workplace you shouldn't have added him on facebook in the first place? Just take him off and then move on. And if she wants to gkeep going on about it perhaps just say you don't want to get involved. Job done.

No reason why I shouldn’t have been friends with him on Facebook.

It's entirely your choice who you are Facebook friends with, she is certainly obsessed if she is checking who has deleted him and who hasn't. If she mentions it again just give a vague okay then 'forget' to do it. As for all the rest just keep repeating 'its probably time to move on' like a stuck record.

I agree though. By adding him to Facebook it blurs the professional/friends boundary line.

we became Facebook friends after we had all gone out for dinner. I’ve never even had a conversation with him on Facebook.

but that has nothing to do with her splitting up with him and constantly going on about him. I have absolutely zero reason to remove him from my Facebook list

True. But you don't really have any reason to keep him on there either? It's clear that lines are generally a bit blurry in your office and now it's getting out of hand as a result of this breakup.

No I don’t have any reason to keep him on my list, well except for the fact he may notice I’ve removed him and I don’t want him to think I’ve got myself involved in the drama because I’m very much neutral and staying out of it!

Why does it matter if he sees you have removed him from FB? He's the ex of a work colleague. You're not likely to ever meet him again, are you?

Unless you want to, of course...

No I don’t have any reason to keep him on my list, well except for the fact he may notice I’ve removed him and I don’t want him to think I’ve got myself involved in the drama because I’m very much neutral and staying out of it!

Neutrality or bloody-mindedness? Both are fine, I'm a big fan of the latter. But own it if it's true.

I don't think that insisting on keeping a man you've met once, never engaged with and are unlikely to ever see or speak to again on your facebook is you staying "neutral".

You don't have to engage with her silliness of course, but it does seem to me that you are way too focused on the issue of side taking considering this is a work colleague and a relative stranger!

I’d be tempted to say ‘Look Doris, I could remove him from my Facebook list, but you’ll probably get back together next week like you always do - then the next time you bring him out for work drinks I’ll feel like an idiot’.

I suppose a more diplomatic approach would be to make sympathetic noises and change your privacy settings so that she can’t see your friend list.

Remove them both from your fb, and then a bland 'onwards and upwards' reply

Hate to say it but you're here banging on about it. You're involved!!! Time for a new job?

I really can't understand why you're facebook
friends with him to start with, let alone why you feel a need to stay friends with him now they've split up - you literally have no relationship with him at all why do you want him seeing your business?! Going out for a work meal once wouldn't lead to anyone I know committing to being life long social media followers... it feels like you're being stubborn just to spite her - I doubt he cares if you delete him.

Delete him and she'll stop being able to use it to talk to you about it. When she brings it up just keep saying things like "sounds like it's for the best", "time to move on" and then go back to doing your work.

Who are these people who have time to monitor their Facebook friends lists and notice if someone has disappeared. I mean a close friend you message or tag a lot then sure but someone random like this? Hardly. Don't flatter yourself that he'd notice!

Why does that matter though? He's just your work colleagues ex? Do you fancy him or something?

The Facebook thing is irrelevant, surely. The issue is that the colleague is constantly talking about her relationship issues at work and involving people who work in different offices. OP removing the bloke from her Facebook won't stop the other woman doing that, and it is unprofessional, inappropriate and time wasting.

I don't know what you can do about it though, OP. Is your/her manager on the spot and witnessing all this?

Keep saying 'The sooner you forget him, the sooner you will meet someone lovely.'
Don't comment further.
Take some headphones to work.

No especial reason to be friends either.

I've never understood this adding Randoms to your Friends' list lark.

^^This

If anyone at my work was telling me who to delete off my FB, I’d block them. No one’s business who you have. This is some petty shit right here.

I’d be deleting the lot but of course your choice is your choice. As your collegue needs to understand.

we became Facebook friends after we had all gone out for dinner. I’ve never even had a conversation with him on Facebook.

so you basically don’t no him, I doubt he gives a crap what you do with your Facebook, so why are you more worried about upsetting him by deleting him than your colleague who’s upset and you actually do no?

She sounds annoying but you clearly cross over your personal and work lives (going out for meals etc) so I don’t think you can moan it’s inappropriate.

Make you friends list private?

This is all a bit too involved imho.

If other staff are getting involved with who you are mixing with in your personal life, I would suggest that you remove and block all of the people you work with from all your social media. You don't need to be dragged into the domestic spats or be an electronic onlooker in their personal lives.

You now have a neat reason to remove all your co-workers in one go. Explain that it is not being personal just you making a professional distinction between work and home and that you are happy to chat as usually during work.

Treat it in the same way as if you had someone talking only about one subject, say their favourite music, or sports team, or endlessly about their next holiday. Tell them you don't want to hear any more about it at work.