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AIBU?

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Original poster

My coworker is doing my head in!

107 replies

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 15:11

Recently, one of my coworkers split up from her boyfriend (they had been with each other for about 2 years )

it was clear that it wasn’t going to work as she was always coming into work with some sort of drama that had happened between them and they were always on and off.

they split up for good (allegedly) about 3 weeks ago and all she does is talk about him in work.

i know him (not personally or all that well) from being out at a work dinner as we brought our OHs with us and I have him on my Facebook lists.

this coworker is constantly talking about him In work and how terrible he is and she’s running around telling people who work in different offices about him. She is constantly getting us to “take sides” and she even asked me to delete him off my Facebook list!

the problem is, the others are joining in and I seem to be the only one who thinks this is all dramatic and not suitable for the workplace!

this is more a WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:28

Giraffesandbottoms · 18/05/2022 18:21

You sound awful! You don’t “have to” delete him but you’ve known her for several years and work with her every day and have met him a few times. If it means so much to her and costs you nothing I don’t get it? You’re just refusing on principle which I think in this case is childish and if she’s upset after a break up it’s unkind. Sounds like you hate her, in which case stop talking to her altogether 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t hate her at all. But I dislike her dramatic behaviour in the workplace.

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

i don’t get why she would want me to delete him -it makes her out to be very insecure.

allegedly he was planning on proposing to her but that all fell through so she made a big song and dance about it for days on end

OP posts:
BadNomad · 18/05/2022 18:28

That's some highschool bs. She can't go around telling people who they can and can't be friends with. When she starts her drama, just let the others get on with enabling it. Hopefully she'll get over it soon. Probably when she finds a new guy.

Giraffesandbottoms · 18/05/2022 18:30

i don’t get why she would want me to delete him -it makes her out to be very insecure

yes. She sounds very insecure. But this person means nothing to you and she’s your colleague and surely a bit of a friend if you’re socialising outside of work. So just do the nice thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

itsgettingweird · 18/05/2022 18:30

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 15:37

we became Facebook friends after we had all gone out for dinner. I’ve never even had a conversation with him on Facebook.

but that has nothing to do with her splitting up with him and constantly going on about him. I have absolutely zero reason to remove him from my Facebook list

But if you don't speak to him on FB you also have absolutely no reason to have him on there.

Deleting him won't affect you - it could help your co worker.

ClaryFairchild · 18/05/2022 18:38

I'd delete them BOTH from FaceBook.... then you're not involved at all.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/05/2022 18:39

vrrnbb · 18/05/2022 18:26

I say, keep him on your FB if that's what you want. It shouldn't matter to her who you are friends with. And since they've always been "on and off", would you add/delete him depending on their relationship status?

She is being unreasonable involving everyone else around her.

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

So again, loving the drama and being involved because you won't take the simple step that would end it all and have even admitted it would cause you no pain or hardship to do. At least own it.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:40

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/05/2022 18:39

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

So again, loving the drama and being involved because you won't take the simple step that would end it all and have even admitted it would cause you no pain or hardship to do. At least own it.

Show quote history

When did I ever get involved?

OP posts:
NotYourOscarSpeech · 18/05/2022 18:46

I had no idea adults (or anyone really) still behaved like this over Facebook. My entire Facebook feed is just targeted news stories and group posts, nobody adds people or posts pictures anymore 😕

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 18/05/2022 18:55

OP - there’s quite a significant faction on MN that likes to get competitive about how trivial and childish they find social media, what a terrible waste of time it is and how they would never want people knowing all their business. So a lot of people responding will have essentially damned you from the start for even having a Facebook profile in the first place. Ignore them. There’s nothing weird or ‘random’ about adding someone you’ve met a few times.

I wouldn’t want to be told who I could and couldn’t have on my friend list either. It could be worth deleting him to shut her up, but if you do take that route, I’d refuse to listen to any more tales of woe either. I’d say ‘I did what you asked because I don’t want to be involved - so please stop asking me about it.’ She can’t have it both ways.

vrrnbb · 18/05/2022 19:11

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/05/2022 18:39

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

So again, loving the drama and being involved because you won't take the simple step that would end it all and have even admitted it would cause you no pain or hardship to do. At least own it.

Show quote history

The coworker will keep doing stuff like this if this stunt for attention works. If people keep listening to her drama, and buys into her stories she won't ever stop.

I used to have a friend who was like this, she always would seek other people's input into her relationships, always was on and off with her ex. If someone told her something she didn't want to hear, she'd find some other person that would sympathize with her. To her, she could do no wrong, and the other person was the terrible person. I was friends with her ex as well because we all hung out from time to time. She never told me directly not to be friends with him, but I felt like I had to choose a side. When I told her how I felt, she just responded, "I never asked you to pick a side but I guess you already have". Talking to him later on I realized how much damaging it was for him to be bad mouth by her to everyone else. Everyone picked the side of the girl, and he was cut out of a lot of friend circles because of that. I also better understood his side when he shared that she would physically hit him. I did hear of that before, but I was like everyone else and didn't think it was such a big deal since she was so tiny. He shared that whenever he opened up to anyone about it, it would always get back to her and she'd get mad at him for it. So he stopped talking to people about it. In the end I realized he was much easier to be friends with, and I cut her and her constant drama out.

BattenburgDonkey · 18/05/2022 19:35

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

So you are just keeping him as a friend to annoy her basically? Sounds like you quite enjoy your involvement here really.

yesthatisdrizzle · 18/05/2022 20:43

Tell her that he's deleted you.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 21:46

BattenburgDonkey · 18/05/2022 19:35

it’s all about her getting attention and making him jealous. If she wasn’t getting on like that I’d probably delete him.

So you are just keeping him as a friend to annoy her basically? Sounds like you quite enjoy your involvement here really.

I’m keeping him as a friend because he has done nothing on me to warrant me deleting him and the fact that she has no right to call the shots on who I am friends with on Facebook! If I keep him on my friends list then that is nothing to do with her!

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 21:47

She messaged me this evening asking me has he posted anything on Facebook as she can’t see his Facebook posts anymore (they aren’t friends on Facebook)

OP posts:
BattenburgDonkey · 18/05/2022 22:30

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 21:46

I’m keeping him as a friend because he has done nothing on me to warrant me deleting him and the fact that she has no right to call the shots on who I am friends with on Facebook! If I keep him on my friends list then that is nothing to do with her!

Show quote history

But you literally said you would probably delete him if she wasn’t going in about it.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 22:38

BattenburgDonkey · 18/05/2022 22:30

But you literally said you would probably delete him if she wasn’t going in about it.

Show quote history

If she wasn’t going on about it so much then yes I probably would, but right now she’s showing me that she was hard to put up with in the relationship so if anything I feel sorry for the poor guy!

OP posts:
vrrnbb · 19/05/2022 00:09

If she wasn’t going on about it so much then yes I probably would, but right now she’s showing me that she was hard to put up with in the relationship so if anything I feel sorry for the poor guy!

I don't blame you. To me it seems like her goal is to try to get everyone else against him, even people not involved. She's doing it to try and hurt him.

You might try to be upfront to her about it, say how he didn't do anything towards you, and that you are not interested in getting involved in their matters. Hopefully then she'll at least know not to bug you about it.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/05/2022 07:26

You are being ridiculous.

If you deleted him, you could say firmly, you've no idea what he's doing on FB as he's not a friend there anymore. Then tell her to stop discussing it.

You are adding to the drama, intentionally. She sounds mad. You sound immature.

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 07:30

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 21:47

She messaged me this evening asking me has he posted anything on Facebook as she can’t see his Facebook posts anymore (they aren’t friends on Facebook)

Just delete him..it will save you so much hassle.

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 07:31

EarringsandLipstick · 19/05/2022 07:26

You are being ridiculous.

If you deleted him, you could say firmly, you've no idea what he's doing on FB as he's not a friend there anymore. Then tell her to stop discussing it.

You are adding to the drama, intentionally. She sounds mad. You sound immature.

Exactly. Remove yourself from her games.

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 07:33

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 22:38

If she wasn’t going on about it so much then yes I probably would, but right now she’s showing me that she was hard to put up with in the relationship so if anything I feel sorry for the poor guy!

Show quote history

Being your friend on Facebook probably isn't his life goal. If he barely knows you he won't even register you've unfriended him. You are placing far too much importance on the Facebook friend in, it's not some kind of honor to be bestowed to the fortunate individuals.

HollowTalk · 19/05/2022 07:39

You barely know this man. I'm sure he doesn't even realise you're friends now. Personally I think you are attention seeking with this.

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 19/05/2022 08:45

This sounds like my niece who is 15 falling out with friends, deleting social media and photos then re-grouping then it going full circle
You kind of expect it at 15
Not adults in a professional working environment

Shelby2010 · 19/05/2022 09:08

She sounds hard work, but if you socialise & text outside of work, then surely she’s a friend, not just a co-worker? In which case why are you so determined to stay ‘neutral’ instead of being more supportive?

She’s being a drama llama & needs to get on with her work, but you sound like you’re deliberately trying to wind her up with your oh so smug, ‘not taking sides’ attitude. It would be different if you (or your partner) were friends with the ex too, but you aren’t, so stop stirring. Delete him off Facebook along with the other 250 people on there that you never interact with.

Carrotten · 19/05/2022 09:20

Your way too invested in this. You don't know him, only in the capacity as your colleagues boyfriend. You don't need to stay neutral, this man is basically a stranger! And this woman seems to be at least a mild friend. Its not about taking sides, you just support the person you know. And it is a bit odd to be so insistent on keeping a colleagues ex as a Facebook friend

Essentially it's fine to be irritated at constant drama, but you seem very involved in it, and are creating drama yourself.