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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My coworker is doing my head in!

107 replies

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 15:11

Recently, one of my coworkers split up from her boyfriend (they had been with each other for about 2 years )

it was clear that it wasn’t going to work as she was always coming into work with some sort of drama that had happened between them and they were always on and off.

they split up for good (allegedly) about 3 weeks ago and all she does is talk about him in work.

i know him (not personally or all that well) from being out at a work dinner as we brought our OHs with us and I have him on my Facebook lists.

this coworker is constantly talking about him In work and how terrible he is and she’s running around telling people who work in different offices about him. She is constantly getting us to “take sides” and she even asked me to delete him off my Facebook list!

the problem is, the others are joining in and I seem to be the only one who thinks this is all dramatic and not suitable for the workplace!

this is more a WWYD?

OP posts:
Windbeneathmybingowings · 18/05/2022 16:45

Additionally it doesn’t matter how OP knows this man.

If OP just happened to know this guy in another capacity, doesn’t matter which, would it be ok for her to keep him as a friend then?

Or would she still have to delete him to placate her work colleague? At what point does a work collegue get to decide who she can and can’t be friends with?

OP do what you like on your social media. It’s ok to have who you want if you so choose to.

EmotionBot9to5 · 18/05/2022 16:52

Delete him.
It's weird to be so determined to be neutral.
Do you fancy him? Or want him to fancy you?

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 16:52

I will have whoever I want on my Facebook, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me so why would I delete him?

who is she to dictate who I can and can’t have on my Facebook?

OP posts:
MrsBlaue · 18/05/2022 16:57

You are way too invested in this, just cut it out and move on. Easy 🙂

justamushypea · 18/05/2022 17:02

Just remove him from FB and say to her that you don't want to get involved.
If it really is distracting you at work then have a word with her (or the relevant HR person) and tell her to keep her drama at home.
Like a pp has said sounds like she will probably be back with him soon enough anyway.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/05/2022 17:07

People get really weird about Facebook

EarringsandLipstick · 18/05/2022 17:14

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 16:52

I will have whoever I want on my Facebook, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me so why would I delete him?

who is she to dictate who I can and can’t have on my Facebook?

What an odd thing to say - you don't know him at all - your only connection is your work colleague, and now they are split up. Why would you keep him a FB friend?

Equally, by doing so, you are helping fuel the drama you are complaining about.

BattenburgDonkey · 18/05/2022 17:16

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 16:52

I will have whoever I want on my Facebook, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me so why would I delete him?

who is she to dictate who I can and can’t have on my Facebook?

She’s an idiot. But your question was ‘wwyd’ so that’s why several of us said to just delete him! No point being grumpy about the answer.

Pumperthepumper · 18/05/2022 17:18

I would delete him too, if he’s not someone you’d consider a friend or anyone you’re likely to see again.

NerrSnerr · 18/05/2022 17:33

It is really strange to stay Facebook friends with an ex of a colleague.

What reasons do you have to stay FB friends with him? You think of him as a friend? Doing it just to piss her off? You fancy him?

SpaceMaaaaan · 18/05/2022 17:39

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 16:52

I will have whoever I want on my Facebook, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me so why would I delete him?

who is she to dictate who I can and can’t have on my Facebook?

Of course you can it just seems odd to have added him in the first place. Are you sure you don't fancy him?

TabithaTittlemouse · 18/05/2022 17:52

Are you Facebook friends with lots of randoms?

Aren’t you a bit wary that this man that you had dinner with once and could be a lunatic is looking at what you post on social media?

Is the colleague a friend or just a colleague?

I think that you like drama too tbh.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 17:54

No I don’t fancy her ex. We got on very well when we all went out, I’ve only seen him a small handful of times since. No real reason for us to be friends on Facebook I suppose but no reason for me to delete him either.

their split is nothing to do with them. I just don’t think she should be constantly going on about him in the workplace and looking at who is friends with him on SM.

to be honest, I’m not deleting him as I’m trying to make it clear to her that she doesn’t get to boss me around.

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 17:54

Sorry I mean their split is nothing to do with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 17:57

She even asked me to DM him and act like me and her had a fallout to try and get information out of him!! I said absolutely no way

OP posts:
SpaghettiNotCourgetti · 18/05/2022 18:05

I get it, OP. It's the principle of not letting some drama llama at work dictate who you can have on FB. It would piss me off no end to be told I had to remove him and I'd just leave things as they are. If you're really lucky, she might delete you from her Facebook!

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:07

Also, she wanted everyone to share onto their Facebooks a picture she had uploaded of herself onto her Facebook in the hope that he would see them and be jealous

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 18/05/2022 18:07

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 17:54

No I don’t fancy her ex. We got on very well when we all went out, I’ve only seen him a small handful of times since. No real reason for us to be friends on Facebook I suppose but no reason for me to delete him either.

their split is nothing to do with them. I just don’t think she should be constantly going on about him in the workplace and looking at who is friends with him on SM.

to be honest, I’m not deleting him as I’m trying to make it clear to her that she doesn’t get to boss me around.

Be careful that you don't enmesh yourself any further because you and your colleague have to work together. You are doing a fine job of involving yourself so far. There's no reason for you to be facebook friends - not with him or with her. You could put a stop to all this immediately if you wanted to.

I see threads like this and wonder why the OP always seems to relish the drama of it all. That's what it sounds like to me anyway. Stop it, or don't. Up to you.

SpaceMaaaaan · 18/05/2022 18:09

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:07

Also, she wanted everyone to share onto their Facebooks a picture she had uploaded of herself onto her Facebook in the hope that he would see them and be jealous

Why on earth would you want to share a picture of her. She needs to calm down.

GodspeedJune · 18/05/2022 18:12

It’s weird that you added him and weirder still that you’re so keen to keep him on there. You both sound as bad as each other.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:14

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 18/05/2022 18:07

Be careful that you don't enmesh yourself any further because you and your colleague have to work together. You are doing a fine job of involving yourself so far. There's no reason for you to be facebook friends - not with him or with her. You could put a stop to all this immediately if you wanted to.

I see threads like this and wonder why the OP always seems to relish the drama of it all. That's what it sounds like to me anyway. Stop it, or don't. Up to you.

Show quote history

I’m not involved at all - anytime she talks about him or asks me to take sides I say their relationship is none of my business and that I don’t care.

me being friends with him on Facebook has nothing to do with that. She needs to catch a grip. I won’t allow her to click her fingers and say “Delete him” and me roll over and do what she says! Again, I have no issues with the bloke. It really has nothing to do with me at all.

i can see why he broke up with her though! I’m sure he found it difficult to be with someone so demanding and attention seeking

OP posts:
ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/05/2022 18:15

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 16:52

I will have whoever I want on my Facebook, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me so why would I delete him?

who is she to dictate who I can and can’t have on my Facebook?

Sounds like you're actually loving all this drama you've complained about...

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:18

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 18/05/2022 18:15

Sounds like you're actually loving all this drama you've complained about...

Show quote history

No, I don’t particularly like a coworker causing drama about her relationship problems. I don’t want to be drawn into it

OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 18/05/2022 18:21

You sound awful! You don’t “have to” delete him but you’ve known her for several years and work with her every day and have met him a few times. If it means so much to her and costs you nothing I don’t get it? You’re just refusing on principle which I think in this case is childish and if she’s upset after a break up it’s unkind. Sounds like you hate her, in which case stop talking to her altogether 🤷🏻‍♀️

vrrnbb · 18/05/2022 18:26

I say, keep him on your FB if that's what you want. It shouldn't matter to her who you are friends with. And since they've always been "on and off", would you add/delete him depending on their relationship status?

She is being unreasonable involving everyone else around her.

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