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Original poster

My coworker is doing my head in!

107 replies

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 15:11

Recently, one of my coworkers split up from her boyfriend (they had been with each other for about 2 years )

it was clear that it wasn’t going to work as she was always coming into work with some sort of drama that had happened between them and they were always on and off.

they split up for good (allegedly) about 3 weeks ago and all she does is talk about him in work.

i know him (not personally or all that well) from being out at a work dinner as we brought our OHs with us and I have him on my Facebook lists.

this coworker is constantly talking about him In work and how terrible he is and she’s running around telling people who work in different offices about him. She is constantly getting us to “take sides” and she even asked me to delete him off my Facebook list!

the problem is, the others are joining in and I seem to be the only one who thinks this is all dramatic and not suitable for the workplace!

this is more a WWYD?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 19/05/2022 09:33

OP, you've been given good advice on how to untangle yourself from this drama.

But you choose not to.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to let it affect you at work and even at home?

Tell her you're not willing to be caught up in the middle of her relationship troubles. She needs to resolve it herself. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Then, honestly, seriously consider taking a break from Facebook.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 19/05/2022 10:04

No I’m not giving into her ridiculous demands. I’m not deleting him off my Facebook, he hasn’t done me any harm and their break up is none of my business.

OP posts:
Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 19/05/2022 10:07

Also, she is not my friend outside of work. We are merely just work colleagues

OP posts:
NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:14

cuppateaandabiccie · 18/05/2022 18:07

Also, she wanted everyone to share onto their Facebooks a picture she had uploaded of herself onto her Facebook in the hope that he would see them and be jealous

All the more reason to remove him. It's very odd to keep a FB friend that only added you because of the link to coworker. Why do you care what he may think of you unfriending (if he even notices)? You don't know him

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 12:28

cuppateaandabiccie · 19/05/2022 10:04

No I’m not giving into her ridiculous demands. I’m not deleting him off my Facebook, he hasn’t done me any harm and their break up is none of my business.

Why are you keeping him on your Facebook though? He's just a randomer.

Anyway people have suggested how to remove yourself from all this drama and you are saying no so then you'll just have to put up with it.

SpaceMaaaaan · 19/05/2022 12:29

NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:14

All the more reason to remove him. It's very odd to keep a FB friend that only added you because of the link to coworker. Why do you care what he may think of you unfriending (if he even notices)? You don't know him

Show quote history

Exactly he won't crumble because someone he doesn't doesn't know has removed him from Facebook.

NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:50

Controversial, but I think there is a bit of 'pick me' mentality at play here.

In this scenario you won't unfriend him because you don't want him to notice and think that you've 'sided' with her.

But why do you think he even notices you to begin with? By keeping him as a friend you're projecting the idea that he will 'notice' that you haven't unfriended him and 'realise' that you chose him.

When in reality he probably doesn't even remember your name. Just unfriend, all other issues aside with your coworker, it's not a good look.

NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:53

NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:50

Controversial, but I think there is a bit of 'pick me' mentality at play here.

In this scenario you won't unfriend him because you don't want him to notice and think that you've 'sided' with her.

But why do you think he even notices you to begin with? By keeping him as a friend you're projecting the idea that he will 'notice' that you haven't unfriended him and 'realise' that you chose him.

When in reality he probably doesn't even remember your name. Just unfriend, all other issues aside with your coworker, it's not a good look.

And to clarify: by 'pick me' I'm referring to the act of putting down another woman for male approval.

I don't mean you literally want him to 'choose' you as a mate or that you're even attracted to him, just that in this scenario you care more about a man's opinion of you than a woman's.

Vikinga · 19/05/2022 12:55

Well I removed a guy from facebook because he split up with a friend and there was no reason to have him as a fb friend. My only connection to him was her.

Just remove him and refuse to engage in further conversation about him

Vikinga · 19/05/2022 12:56

He's met you once, he won't notice that you've unfriended him nor give a shiny shit.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 19/05/2022 15:55

NippyWoowoo · 19/05/2022 12:53

And to clarify: by 'pick me' I'm referring to the act of putting down another woman for male approval.

I don't mean you literally want him to 'choose' you as a mate or that you're even attracted to him, just that in this scenario you care more about a man's opinion of you than a woman's.

Show quote history

What absolute rot. The OP doesn’t owe the woman OR the man anything in this scenario. She’s just refusing to be a supporting player in their drama.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 19/05/2022 15:59

@WomanStanleyWoman2 you’ve hit the nail on the head!

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 20/05/2022 08:21

She’s just refusing to be a supporting player in their drama.

No she's exactly being a supporting player

If she wasn't friends on FB with a random person, she could easily say to dramatic colleague: 'I've no idea what you're talking about. Now let's get back to work'

If you don't like the situation OP, you do something to change it

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 20/05/2022 08:25

You do sound like you enjoy the drama.

I have an annoying colleague who does things a million times worse than talking about her ex, but I wouldn't start a thread about it as it's boring AF.

Lazerbeen · 20/05/2022 08:26

I mean it's weird to add someone you aren't friends with outside of works boyfriend you've met once at a meal anyway- why are you bothered about deleting him? I doubt he will be bothered at all as you don't speak anyway and only met through his now ex briefly- I agree you seem to like the drama you're claiming to hate. Bit pathetic really.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 11:18

It’s a bit controlling on her part. She does not get to control who I and others have on our Facebook friends lists.

im off today but was in work yesterday and all
she was talking about was how horrible he is, their sex life and how he made her feel so bad about herself.

sick listening to it!

OP posts:
UnsuitableHat · 20/05/2022 11:20

None of her business who you're friends with on FB. Ignore her?

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 11:23

UnsuitableHat · 20/05/2022 11:20

None of her business who you're friends with on FB. Ignore her?

Yeah I agree. But hard to when she’s constantly talking about him and asking us for our opinions and to take sides

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 20/05/2022 11:32

Headphones on and ignore her.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 20/05/2022 11:47

First it's "delete him" then it's the next thing and the next thing. I had a coworker like this, OP. After the "block him everywhere" was the "can you just make a fake profile so you can see what he's doing?" then it escalated until it was, "I've printed these posters that say "get gay sex here" and his phone number can you stick them in the phone box?" (this was when people used phone boxes)

It won't stop if you unfriend him. It's not just "one little thing that will make her happy" and if it was she wouldn't keep asking you what he's posted.

And you know that, which is why you don't want to delete him.

I'd just stop reading any messages from her outside work time and make yourself super busy around the office e.g. be on the phone when she comes to your desk. These people think the world is all players in their drama. And from this thread you can see exactly how they get everyone doing what they want to #bekind.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 20/05/2022 11:54

However one thing to bear in mind is if you fall out with her (or if she falls out with you) this is how she'll be behind your back.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 12:05

@PeekabooAtTheZoo yes, this is so her! Yesterday she asked another colleague of ours to look up his Instagram to see what he was posting and to see if he has a new partner! She also asked her to write a rude comment under one of his photos!

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 20/05/2022 12:39

I get where you are coming from.
No you barely know him and don't need him on FB but it's the principle of not being told what to do and who you can have on there by your batshit colleague.
She isn't even your friend, just someone that you work with.

Everytime she talks about him, change the subject. If she carries on you might have to be really blunt and tell her that you don't want to hear about it anymore.

10HailMarys · 20/05/2022 12:51

To be honest, you seem every bit as dramatic and obsessive as her, except she's obsessed with her ex's behaviour and you're obsessed with her behaviour.

Yes, she's being unprofessional and no, you don't have to delete him for your Facebook if you don't want to (although I guarantee he will not give a shit if you do, and probably won't even notice). You've already said you won't delete him, so... just don't? She can ask you to delete him, but whether you choose to say yes or not is up to you so where's the issue?

You don't seem to be wanting anyone to suggest a solution to your problem and you haven't actually been forced to do anything by this woman, so I assume you're just here in the hope that everyone will agree with you how awful she is and join you in slagging off her behaviour. In other words, you're doing the same thing about her on Mumsnet that she's doing about her ex at work.

Original poster
cuppateaandabiccie · 20/05/2022 14:39

@10HailMarys of course I am going to slag off her behaviour! It’s weird and annoying!

OP posts: