MIL not happy I share pictures of baby online.

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 2022-05-17T15:55:29+00:00

When I found out I was pregnant with DD, I created a Facebook account and added only family. No work colleagues, no friends of friends etc. I'm a very private person who is very close to my family. I share pictures of my DD on Facebook so that my family are seeing updates of my DD and that way no one is missed out - it's how my family are as we are all very close. One of my best friends is my cousin (for context). Anyway, today, I posted pictures up of DD at a baby sensory class from the other day. Within 5 minutes, my mil had messaged me saying she would prefer I sent the pictures to her first before I uploaded them on Facebook as she feels that she's "not important enough in her granddaughters life". This annoyed me as she knows my family are all close. The Facebook page is purely for family (I feel I've said that enough lol). So AIBU by not sending her the pictures first? My own parents think the page is a great idea and they've not complained once. This is why I normally stay off social media as I don't really like the drama that can ensue from it, but the Facebook page was better as not all my family use WhatsApp etc.

stuntbubbles · 17/05/2022 16:56

Your baby, your rules. Try muting or blocking MIL’s texts, it makes life much more pleasant.

Frogsonglue · 17/05/2022 16:57

God no just ignore her. She's in the group, yes? Then she's no more or less special than your family.

WalkWithDignityAndPride · 17/05/2022 16:57

Tell the miserable cunt to fuck off.

Your baby, your rules. She certainly is no more important than your family. If she doesn't like it, delete her.

SoggyPaper · 17/05/2022 16:57

It doesn’t sound like she objects to the group. It’s that she feels there should be some hierarchy where you have to send photos to her first. That’s weird.

I’d pass it on to her son to manage.

Basilbrushgotfat · 17/05/2022 16:59

Your MIL sounds a delight.

Keep on carrying on.

GarlicGnocchi · 17/05/2022 16:59

That sounds a bit OTT of her. However, I do find my mum and my MIL both like getting a seperate photo through every so often, I don't up load to Facebook anyway but they do like the more personal touch. But if either of them ever demanded it I'd be pissed off.

cottagegardenflower · 17/05/2022 17:00

Don't respond, just block her from seeing your facebook page. Fuck all to do with her what you post.

GarlicGnocchi · 17/05/2022 17:00

SoggyPaper · 17/05/2022 16:57

It doesn’t sound like she objects to the group. It’s that she feels there should be some hierarchy where you have to send photos to her first. That’s weird.

I’d pass it on to her son to manage.

Very good point, I'd refer this to her actual child.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2022 17:01

Don't even think of giving in to this utter self-absorbed nonsense. If you do, her batshit demands will never stop.

Original poster

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:02

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

She really gets involved in loads of things as her best friends daughter takes their twins to a sensory class and she really wanted me to take my DD there too! She kept texting me daily asking if I had booked it yet and her best friend was doing the same too - kept texting and asking. I ended up booking another class elsewhere and I still get texts asking if I'm taking DD back to the class next week etc! I've told both of them several times that my DD seems to really enjoy the class we're going to so I'm not going to change but it falls upon deaf ears!

OP posts:

MintJulia · 17/05/2022 17:03

Yanbu. Creating a private group is the perfect way to ensure no-one has reason to feel they are less important in any way.

Your MIL is being unreasonable. I'd just ignore her. Don't rise, just keep including her with the rest of family.

ImBurtMacklin · 17/05/2022 17:04

“I’m sorry that you feel that way. I will let your son deal with sending you pictures in future”.

Natty13 · 17/05/2022 17:05

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:02

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

She really gets involved in loads of things as her best friends daughter takes their twins to a sensory class and she really wanted me to take my DD there too! She kept texting me daily asking if I had booked it yet and her best friend was doing the same too - kept texting and asking. I ended up booking another class elsewhere and I still get texts asking if I'm taking DD back to the class next week etc! I've told both of them several times that my DD seems to really enjoy the class we're going to so I'm not going to change but it falls upon deaf ears!

I had one of these for a MIL. Dealing with it is good practice for when your child is older and you get the same questions over and over.

"Susan you've asked this before and I've answered it"

"Susan you've asked me the same question many times, are you having problems with your memory?"

Etc.

toomuchlaundry · 17/05/2022 17:05

Does she message your DH at all? Maybe he could send her some separate photos, and maybe he could ask her to reduce the texts to you at the same time

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2022 17:06

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

NO. Absolutely NOT. If your milquetoast of a husband wants to cave into mummy, fine, then he can send the pictures. You are not a skivvy nor a secretary, do not allow yourself to fall into the traps of people pleaser and wife work.

From now on, direct all of her messages straight to your husband.

WalkWithDignityAndPride · 17/05/2022 17:06

This reply has been deleted

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BlueOverYellow · 17/05/2022 17:07

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:02

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

She really gets involved in loads of things as her best friends daughter takes their twins to a sensory class and she really wanted me to take my DD there too! She kept texting me daily asking if I had booked it yet and her best friend was doing the same too - kept texting and asking. I ended up booking another class elsewhere and I still get texts asking if I'm taking DD back to the class next week etc! I've told both of them several times that my DD seems to really enjoy the class we're going to so I'm not going to change but it falls upon deaf ears!

Hard no.

Tell your DH if he wants to accommodate her, he can do so, but you're going to carry on as you want.

Afterfire · 17/05/2022 17:08

How does she know you’re uploading them to your family’s Facebook account? If she’s not in it who is telling her?

If she isn’t in it maybe just add her to keep her quiet or go the other way and block her completely from it and pretend it doesn’t exist anymore…!

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:08

“Hi Batshit MIL. I don’t want anyone in the families to feel more or less important than anyone else - I find that the group is perfect for that, and easy for me. No problem if you want extra photos though - I’ve told <your son> you’d like that.”

FancyFelix · 17/05/2022 17:09

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2022 17:06

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

NO. Absolutely NOT. If your milquetoast of a husband wants to cave into mummy, fine, then he can send the pictures. You are not a skivvy nor a secretary, do not allow yourself to fall into the traps of people pleaser and wife work.

From now on, direct all of her messages straight to your husband.

Agree with this. Do not pacify her for your DH's sake. She's his mother, he can deal with her. I speak from a position of 15 years of experience dealing with a mother-son relationship like this. It's a constant battle. Give either of them an inch and they take a mile.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/05/2022 17:10

Tell her and your DH that he's now in charge of sending her photos, that you'll be uploading them to the family Facebook as normal. Don't accept DH's putting it onto your shoulders. If it's not a big deal, he can do it.

Original poster

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:12

Afterfire · 17/05/2022 17:08

How does she know you’re uploading them to your family’s Facebook account? If she’s not in it who is telling her?

If she isn’t in it maybe just add her to keep her quiet or go the other way and block her completely from it and pretend it doesn’t exist anymore…!

She's family so she's in the group, as is FIL (who has never once complained)

OP posts:

toastofthetown · 17/05/2022 17:13

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. It's perfectly normal to share photos os you child in one place. Many friends of mine have Google photo drives for their children, so they can upload pictures as they want to, but don't feel like they are bombarding people, as people log on when they want to see.

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:14

You could try putting her on the spot.
“I’d never thought that someone might feel unimportant because they got photos in a group with others. Do you think that’s how my mum feels? I’m worried she won’t be honest with me though, not to hurt my feelings. Maybe I should I ask you to talk to her?”

(And know you’re sounding like a total dick to her)

Or maybe a (not really) lighthearted response, “oh good lord MIL, no way! Would I need a specific time to wait in between? Would I have to check who has been online from the group? Ain't nobody got time for that, hey?!”

Seriously though: say no.

LampLighter414 · 17/05/2022 17:14

Bloody MILs.. Totally unreasonable