MIL not happy I share pictures of baby online.

[ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin]

When I found out I was pregnant with DD, I created a Facebook account and added only family. No work colleagues, no friends of friends etc. I'm a very private person who is very close to my family.

I share pictures of my DD on Facebook so that my family are seeing updates of my DD and that way no one is missed out - it's how my family are as we are all very close. One of my best friends is my cousin (for context).

Anyway, today, I posted pictures up of DD at a baby sensory class from the other day. Within 5 minutes, my mil had messaged me saying she would prefer I sent the pictures to her first before I uploaded them on Facebook as she feels that she's "not important enough in her granddaughters life". This annoyed me as she knows my family are all close. The Facebook page is purely for family (I feel I've said that enough lol).

So AIBU by not sending her the pictures first? My own parents think the page is a great idea and they've not complained once.

This is why I normally stay off social media as I don't really like the drama that can ensue from it, but the Facebook page was better as not all my family use WhatsApp etc.

From what the OP has said so far - she really doesn't.

Yup, I’d tell her your family all have the same priority hence they all get to see the pictures at the same time. She’s being ridiculous.

Your DH is in the wrong-if he wants to placate her, let him. Not your mother, not your job.

Nooooo

Dont make out the other GP's are equally selfish & batshit!! & don't apologise!!

'Sandra, who I send photos to & how isn't up for discussion. I'm happy to remove you from the group if getting photos the same time as my parents etc bothers you'.

...and get your DH told too!! You are NOT pandering to this bullshit & if he wants to stay happily married he can stop 'advising' you do pander to such nonsense!!

Your MIL sounds unhinged and seriously needs to get a grip / get a life.

Ignore, it’s typical Monster-in-Law behaviour, she using a power play to make herself think she’s the most important grandma. Unfortunately, in most cases the woman’s mum generally has that in the bag, simply because we are the main care-givers, so generally speaking we interact with our mums more than men do.

I meant unfortunately for MIL!

Say to her, "I don't send individual photos, not even to my mother, so it'd be unfair if I sent them to you"

What a needy cow. YANBU AT ALL

Your MIL isn't unhinged or narcisstic (and neither is she the c word - that was an unexcusable insult). She's just being overkeen and has an overblown sense of her own importance. Just carry on as you are. If she wants more photos she can ask your DH for them. Don't respond. Move on, it's not worth it. If she carries on, then get your DH to speak to her.

Your last para @ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin is all you need to send back to MIL.

she doesn’t get to dictate anything about your baby

Just another crazy mil gran. I don't understand these needy people.

Love your username op

id just say ok then i'll remove you from the group of you dont feel its for you-then ignore her

If my MIL (or my mother for that matter) did this it would immediately be the end of her receiving pictures at all. I do not play, and they both know it.

I am the gatekeeper to my child. It's me who decides. If they want access, they have to follow my rules.

Aren’t you delightful

Seems a sensible way forward

Tell her to stop being bloody ridiculous.

If my MIL (or my mother for that matter) did this it would immediately be the end of her receiving pictures at all. I do not play, and they both know it.

I am the gatekeeper to my child. It's me who decides. If they want access, they have to follow my rules.

Blimey.
How commendably .. .assertive of you @aNewYorkerInLondon

You will remember that this is a small human, & not your personal possession though, won'tcha?

Don’t do what your husband said, that will just reinforce to her the crazy idea that this entitled stance is justified. It’s not. This is her sh*t.

@KettrickenSmiled, lol! It sounds that way, doesn't it?

You'd need to meet the mothers to understand.

The rest of the family is positively lovely, rational, and reasonable on both sides.

I'd just ignore her and continue as you are.

If she keeps pushing it then just firmly tell her that you created the FB page as a quick, easy and fair way to share photos with all of the family simultaneously. Tell her that you have no intention of changing that but if she wants you to remove her from the group then you will do that. However, point out that then she will run the risk of not seeing the photos. Her choice.

Give her the benefit of the doubt this time

’Hi MIL, I don’t think you realised that the Facebook page is a special one for sharing pics of DC with close family. To be on there you HAVE to be important in little one’s life!’

Thank you for your reassuring response @aNewYorkerInLondon
And for being so measured. Very kindly of you.

Indeed I am aware of ... Certain Types of mother. On reading your post, I was scared for your child, that you might be One Of Them.
But given that the breed doesn't DO self-awareness let alone self-deprecation, I reckon your baby's probably safe

I would do this.

In fact, I have done something similar with whose job it is to remember birthdays. I told MIL not to text me with reminders of her family birthdays, she should go direct to DH. Apparently she was astounded, but the messages stopped so really, who cares?

You could send her a few to keep her happy

you could tell her that she’s no more or less special that your own parents, and you think they’re very special in DDs life

or you could change the settings on the group so she doesn’t get updates and doesn’t know what you’re uploading
and then just send her some photos when you remember