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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL not happy I share pictures of baby online.

117 replies

ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 16:55

When I found out I was pregnant with DD, I created a Facebook account and added only family. No work colleagues, no friends of friends etc. I'm a very private person who is very close to my family.

I share pictures of my DD on Facebook so that my family are seeing updates of my DD and that way no one is missed out - it's how my family are as we are all very close. One of my best friends is my cousin (for context).

Anyway, today, I posted pictures up of DD at a baby sensory class from the other day. Within 5 minutes, my mil had messaged me saying she would prefer I sent the pictures to her first before I uploaded them on Facebook as she feels that she's "not important enough in her granddaughters life". This annoyed me as she knows my family are all close. The Facebook page is purely for family (I feel I've said that enough lol).

So AIBU by not sending her the pictures first? My own parents think the page is a great idea and they've not complained once.

This is why I normally stay off social media as I don't really like the drama that can ensue from it, but the Facebook page was better as not all my family use WhatsApp etc.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 17/05/2022 17:14

Your MIL sounds like she's halfway up her own arse. Tell her son to deal with her

RandomMess · 17/05/2022 17:15

"MIL the whole point of the group is that I upload photos once for ALL the family to receive at the same time"

Then repeat repeat repeat then just ignore.

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:15

Ooooh - block her from the group!
”Hey MIL, as you’d prefer to get personally chosen photos, I’d taken you out of the group and asked <Your Son> to send ones he thinks you’ll like directly.”

LIZS · 17/05/2022 17:15

Take mil off the list of those you are sharing too?

viques · 17/05/2022 17:16

You could always take some blurry photos of dds arm or leg, or the back of her head and send her those. “Let’s take some special pictures just for grandma, then we can take some more pictures for everyone to enjoy……”

loobylou10 · 17/05/2022 17:17

@WalkWithDignityAndPride

*
'It's bad enough that your DHs old trout is having a fucking go, but someone else's? Fuck that. Bin the cunt off. You'll have a much quieter and nicer life without that noise.'*

Your post doesn't make any sense, but really????!?

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 17/05/2022 17:17

Set your limit (dont do anything you dont want to do) and stick to it. If DH wants to do something different, he can.

1FootInTheRave · 17/05/2022 17:18

Delete her from the fb group and let your dh send her pics from now on.

She's ridiculous and I would be supremely irritated.

ivykaty44 · 17/05/2022 17:18

I’d close down the Facebook

get family album for your family

send a few photographs to MIL and tell her to distribute them to her family if she chooses

Original poster
ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:19

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:15

Ooooh - block her from the group!
”Hey MIL, as you’d prefer to get personally chosen photos, I’d taken you out of the group and asked <Your Son> to send ones he thinks you’ll like directly.”

Oooh I'd love to do this if I knew there'd be no backlash lol!!

OP posts:
LittleLego · 17/05/2022 17:19

Better than my MIL who uses the whastapp pics I send her and uploads them to her FB 😬

Just smile and ignore

MajorCarolDanvers · 17/05/2022 17:19

Your MIL is being a twit.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2022 17:21

She sounds like a PITA.

I would tell your DH she is too intense with you and ask him to be more proactive with communicating with her yourself so it isn't all falling to you. Why can't her son send her photos?

Moodycow78 · 17/05/2022 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You sound lovely!

loobylou10 · 17/05/2022 17:23

@Moodycow78 dont they just!

Calphurnia88 · 17/05/2022 17:24

Next time she mentions it I would just say you don't have the time to share photos individually, the purpose of the FB group is that noone misses out. If she keeps on just tell her to speak to DH.

FWIW I don't send DC photos to my in laws, DP does that.

Lockedoorsopen · 17/05/2022 17:26

What ever you do don't send her 'a few to keep her quiet'. It wont work and it will set a precedence.

Just reply back its easier for you and every one sees them at the same time so no one feels left out

GarlicGnocchi · 17/05/2022 17:26

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:15

Ooooh - block her from the group!
”Hey MIL, as you’d prefer to get personally chosen photos, I’d taken you out of the group and asked <Your Son> to send ones he thinks you’ll like directly.”

That might work?

Original poster
ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin · 17/05/2022 17:26

LittleLego · 17/05/2022 17:19

Better than my MIL who uses the whastapp pics I send her and uploads them to her FB 😬

Just smile and ignore

That's probably what my mil would do!

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 17/05/2022 17:28

I think the best option is to ignore.

I'd be tempted to say - I can take you out of the Facebook group if you'd prefer and dh can share photos directly with you?

She'll then beg to stay in and hopefully shut up as she will likely know that dh will fail in this task...

LittleOwl153 · 17/05/2022 17:29

I'd be tempted to say - I can take you out of the Facebook group if you'd prefer and ask dh to share photos directly with you?

Noisyprat · 17/05/2022 17:30

My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

Your response to your DH should have been: no - if you want to send some photos to keep her happy then you do it and by the way you need to tell YOUR mother that the photos are going on FB, if she doesn't like it they you are happy to remove her.

Up to you but long term it will be easier if your DH takes this on as things could only get worse. You need to nip this in the bud!

TaranThePigKeeper · 17/05/2022 17:30

Testina · 17/05/2022 17:15

Ooooh - block her from the group!
”Hey MIL, as you’d prefer to get personally chosen photos, I’d taken you out of the group and asked <Your Son> to send ones he thinks you’ll like directly.”

This is exactly what I was going to suggest! Then she can complain to him, and not you, when he doesn’t do it.

Extra marks for muting her number on your own phone.

Effitall · 17/05/2022 17:32

So put the responsibility on her son to send her photos when he wants and carry on as you are.

it’s not your place to manage his mother’s entitlement, set the foundations now that he can deal with her.

Luculentus · 17/05/2022 17:32

Looks like she doesn't realise it's a restricted FB group and thinks you are sharing the photos with the whole world at the same time as she sees them. Maybe explain that to her, and that she is getting the photos at the same time as the rest of the family and that that seems fairest to you.