MIL not happy I share pictures of baby online.

[ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin]

When I found out I was pregnant with DD, I created a Facebook account and added only family. No work colleagues, no friends of friends etc. I'm a very private person who is very close to my family.

I share pictures of my DD on Facebook so that my family are seeing updates of my DD and that way no one is missed out - it's how my family are as we are all very close. One of my best friends is my cousin (for context).

Anyway, today, I posted pictures up of DD at a baby sensory class from the other day. Within 5 minutes, my mil had messaged me saying she would prefer I sent the pictures to her first before I uploaded them on Facebook as she feels that she's "not important enough in her granddaughters life". This annoyed me as she knows my family are all close. The Facebook page is purely for family (I feel I've said that enough lol).

So AIBU by not sending her the pictures first? My own parents think the page is a great idea and they've not complained once.

This is why I normally stay off social media as I don't really like the drama that can ensue from it, but the Facebook page was better as not all my family use WhatsApp etc.

This is solely her sons issue to sort. Nothing to do with you.

"I put all the pics on our group as its the quickest way to reach you all. I've let DH know that you would also like pictures sending separately too so he can send any he takes direct to you"

Does she realise only selected people can view the images? But in any case, it’s your baby, so whatever you think is best. I am a mum to adult DS, no way would I push my ideas/opinions on their partners without being asked.

No backlash if you asked if she would like to be deleted and her son sending her photos instead.

Makes me feel warm inside when people fight over who gets to love a child the most though. Can't get enough love.

Does your DH not have a phone/not have a phone with a camera/not know how to take a photo/not know how to send a photo?

All of the above

Why is it your problem?

I’d put her and FIL into an acquaintances group, and then change all post settings to ‘all except acquaintances’ so they are still in the group but can’t see anything you post. Then your DH can send photos to her directly, and she can feel all special.

I may have done this to every single person in my DH’s family because I cannot be arsed with their drama. They don’t think I use FB now 😁

Hi MIL, I put them in the family group so everyone in the family gets them at the same time, I wouldn't want to play favourites!

I would make a post along the lines of, 'It has been brought to my attention that posting photographs here for all to see at the same time does not take into account any self-perceived importance in the family hierarchy. If there is anyone else on here that feels they should be seeing the photographs before the rest of the plebs, please reply below.' But then I'm a bit of a bitch!

Sorry MIL, that doesn't work for me, it's much easier to share to everyone at once instead of sending pics individually so fuck off you horror

Anyway, today, I posted pictures up of DD at a baby sensory class from the other day. Within 5 minutes, my mil had messaged me saying she would prefer I sent the pictures to her first before I uploaded them on Facebook as she feels that she's "not important enough in her granddaughters life".

Sorry, MiL, I really don't understand your message. At first I thought you were complaining that you are not being prioritised above my own mother and siblings and your other children, but clearly that can't be right as that would be so incredibly unreasonable and entitled! Lol! If you have a problem with being on the facebook group then please let me know and I will remove you, otherwise any other photo related issues please discuss them with your son.

Omg......is this the start of a pattern. She needs to be first to see every photo, video etc before anyone else. Stamp it out now

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal.

Fucksake - his instant response is to do bugger-all about it, but assign you the job of appeasing his mother's bullying?

He needs to do better.

I think PP are right in advising you to simply ignore the batshit demand to have some kind of VIP photo-receiving status.

However - given your updates, I don't think she's going to let it lie.
So when she needles you again, about pics or baby classes, or anything at all - keep it short, & deflect:
"Don't be daft Muriel - why on earth would I do that? Anyway, how's Jims leg? Did you enjoy the restaurant last weekend?" etc

Every. Time. On. Repeat. - "broken record technique".

Thanks for the quick replies! My DH just rolled his eyes when I told him and said maybe send her a couple to keep her happy then just carry on as normal

Ha ha ha, no.
HE can send a couple of pictures, if he doesn't want to for whatever reason , that's not your problem. You refer mil to him every single time.

Perfect. 10/10. Send this OP.

Also ... 11/10 if you accidentally type 'batshit' & send it ...

Hi MIL,
Sharing photos with the whole family at once is what works best for me. It’s difficult to please everyone and of course there are other grandparents involved with a variety of opinions, I’m sure. But it’s no indication of anyone’s level of importance in little Shellery’s life.

Hey MIL and Old Trout friend,
The sensory class is fantastic and little Shellery loves the one we attend now. This is what works for us so we are sticking with it. But won’t forget whose brilliant idea it was to find one.

@Clovacloud you are an evil genius 😂😍

Yes say this really sincerely.
Ignore.
Don't send her extra.once you give a dog a bone...
Your child keep your control and in children case upper hand.if you start treating her different on irrational things like this it won't stop there

Your MIL sounds like she has a narcissistic personality.

tell your DH you won’t be sending her a few pics extra to make her feel more special and important than he rest of the family either, that is just encouraging the behaviour. Nip this in the bud or she’ll be like it and worse.

I think you're all bloody unreasonable for feeling the need to create means of sharing pictures with people at all and your MIL for caring what order she sees things in. What a load of fuss and bother and over-sharing and self/family absorption. I barely care about photos of my own children let alone anyone elses bar major occasions (the kind that come up a handful of times in a childhood).

@ReginaPhalangeIsMyTwin - the private FB group sounds like the perfect way to make sure that family all get to see the pictures! If I were you, I’d send your MIL a message saying “Dh and I have set up the FB group to ensure that you all get to see the pictures, and no-one’s nose is out of joint because someone else saw the pictures first. If we sent you the pictures first, then the other grandparents would feel hurt, and we want to be as fair as possible to ALL of you, so we will continue posting the photos in the private FB group. I hope you understand.”

Wow, if only everyone were like you.

How dare any of us enjoy seeing photos of our nieces/nephews, children of cousins and friends. How dare we share our own.

OK @theleafandnotthetree - chill your boots.

I feel much the same about the plethora of Megan'n'Harry threads, or PP banging on about what they reckon they know about vacuous celebs.

That's why I don't bother opening them, or commenting ...

No please don't indulge her by trying to keep her happy. Very firmly put her in her place. Don't allow her to bully you like this.

Oh problem MIL alert! I'd nip this in the bud right away. Tell her everyone is family, no-one has priority. Then ask if she wants to be removed from the group entirely. Don't offer her special photos or special access of any kind.