On holiday with elderly mum who can't walk far

[Stressedout65]

Has anybody been to Anglesey & could recommend anything we could do with my elderly mum please. She has arthritis & can't walk very far. She refuses to have a mobility scooter or be pushed around in a wheelchair yet. I can't understand why she refuses the wheelchair at least. This leads to a very frustrating & limiting holiday to say the least. We can't do much & neither can she, what is the point in being here? We may as well be at home; so we said we'd go out tomorrow, but what do we do? Just drive around? It makes me feel quite cross. She does have bad nerves & gets upset easily, so the conversation ends up being shut down. She says she'll go anywhere so long as she doesn't have to walk far. I do not mind at all bringing her on holiday but I'm getting to the stage where I'm going to insist on her having a wheelchair or we don't bring her on holiday as it feels like a waste of time. Can someone suggest something we can do, or offer another perspective from her point of view if I'm being unreasonable?

I don't know Anglesey at all, but my granny used to love going to bingo and playing on the slots in the arcades. Not too strenuous, although maybe not what you are looking for.
Cinema or theatre in the evening.
Boat cruise, if there is such a thing.
Fish and chips on the sea front.

Presumably if she can’t walk far, you spend a lot of time in the accommodation?

I’d work out what you actually want to do, and then plan a short walk with her each day, Social time in the evening or lunchtime - whatever suits - and you go off and do your thing whilst she reads, catches up on box sets, whatever…

You don’t have to be joined at the hip.

Plas Cadnant gardens have a tea room.
We deposit my mum in tea rooms regularly if we want to look around an attraction.

yeah, I think you have to plan some separate time. You go out for a few hours, then come back & drive somewhere with her where she can walk not far to sit & enjoy view & cafe. Drive back. Maybe dinner together too...

It's not my thing but some folk literally drive to sea side. Sit in their car, enjoy their tea & sarnies & the view, & drive back. Having never exited the car. I still see a lot of this.

I understand it must be frustrating, but try your best to be patient. Your mums pride is getting in the way of wanting a wheelchair or mobility scooter, but she still wants to enjoy being somewhere new and going to new places. My mum had limited mobility but no way would she have used a chair or scooter 😁 I’m afraid I don’t know what’s local to you but if near the sea, a drive and fish and chips? Is there a steam train ride where you could take in the sites, or an open top bus? Afternoon tea somewhere nice? Theatre or movie? I hope you enjoy your holiday.

I dont know the area but round here a favourite past time of people who can't walk far seems to be eating fish and chips in the car parked up somewhere with a nice sea view. Maybe then you could go for a walk and she could sit in the car/on a bench with a good book.

I think its a bit much to be annoyed at the refusal to use a wheelchair, it must be awful havint to be pushed around, you get no control, reliant on someone else and you're lower down than everyone else.

I think it would set off my vertigo being wheeled round as well.

You just have to go a lot slower and walk slowly

No good advice but sympathy. I have an elderly relative whom we want to include in outings etc but she won’t use any mobility aid or disabled badge and so is increasingly housebound.

Drive round the north coast (from Valley crossroads to Beaumaris) and stop at each little bay - Amlwch, Moelfre, Bull Bay and Caemes are the main ones) and sit on a bench and look at the sea. Ice creams are optional.

Go to Breakwater Park in Holyhead, there's a nice lake to sit by,just next to the car park.

Get a buttie from Pete's Van on the front at Holyhead Harbour - the best butties in Anglesey.

Go to Trearddur Bay and sit and watch the people on the beautiful beach.

Plans Newydd used to have a buggy for mobility impaired visitors which takes you down to the house, and there's a great view of the Menai Bridges and Strait. It's probably still going, but probably best to check first.

Can you tell I visit Anglesey often with my parents who aren't as mobile as they once were?

Beaumaris is an absolutely gorgeous little town (or village). Has lovely independent shops etc and beautiful views. I'd highly recommend a visit. There doesn't need to be a lot of walking to enjoy it either. One of my favourite places to visit on Anglesey.

Would she be able to manage a boat trip?

www.seacoastsafaris.co.uk/Booking/

Oh, and if she likes shopping there's a huge James Pringle shop at Llanfair PG, all under one roof.

I don't get why OP needs to be patient and not get annoyed. If someone's pride is ruining the holiday for everyone maybe they need to hear some home truths. Maybe the elderly mother needs to decide whether a wheelchair is better than not being invited next time. I'd suggest giving her this ultimatum. If she gets upset she gets upset, the conversation still needs to happen.

Drives me mad that pride thing. She's quite happy to have you all couped up in the accommodation for the sake of a wheelchair. I had to put my foot down with otherwise very lovely mother in law and emphasise that we were all on holiday together and she needed to do her bit.
The sea zoo is good and not too big.

Boat trips

It’s all about discussing expectations and compromise.

Would your mum be content to sit in a Cafe with a book at a local attraction… nice scenery etc but little walking? Allowing you to explore the grounds for an hour etc?

Theatre trips - with accessible seats?

Pretty drive to a nice lunch destination?

Steam train ride?

I know it involves driving, but if the weather's nice I'd recommend going for a tour around Snowdonia National Park. Lots of beautiful views and places to stop for a few minutes to have a quick look around, you can do as much walking on these stops as you like.

I was in Anglesey on holiday in November once, on the morning of the first snows on the mountains we just drove around Snowdonia and it was stunning (and we were grateful to have a warm car to go back to!).

I can't walk far but you don't get a wheelchair in nhs unless you need one all the time for more Than 4 days a week inside your home too

Borrow a foldable wheelchair from Red Cross for the holiday. Mum can come out with your or not but you aren't sticking to 20 metres only from the car.., so she hopes in to wheelchair and you push or she sits in the car for a few hours or is left at the holiday Accomodation.

It's very hard to accept the help and that you may need wheels, but when it's a strain to walk sometimes then having a wheelchair brought out is a relief

Agree with above posters again with the #bekiiiiind 'do what they want' 'don't ever think of you or your kids and that it's your holiday too', how breathtakingly sad that one person's wants and demands are placed over everyone else.

Get her to try a rollator - I have one atm because of a slipped disc - it's blooming brilliant. You can walk along with it and if you get tired/in pain, you turn it round put the brakes on and you have a seat so you can take a break. This is the one I have: www.completecareshop.co.uk/mobility-aids/rollators-and-wheeled-walkers/rollators-4-wheeled/compact-easy-rollator?sku=M66739&gclid=CjwKCAjw7IeUBhBbEiwADhiEMVeBFhB_sEayqdxAyB_lvdsKAMDZk1llsdIBYvrqHLGFmD_oHeyIPBoClj0QAvD_BwE This one is particularly good as it folds down further than most.

I am going on hols with AC and GC and am happy to go somewhere and sit and enjoy the view or paint; or be back in the cottage enjoying doing some cooking for us all while they go out wherever they want. The last thing I could bear would be being a stumbling block to them enjoying themselves. You don't have to take her with you on every jaunt.

I’ll try to suggest some things but it’s not easy, and I think you’re right to feel aggravated!

anyway..

beaumaris is lovely BUT the pavements on the high street are very very narrow - buggies struggle - so wheelchairs will too. If you go stick to the front and pier. Coffee in the Buckley Hotel would work.

Drive on to Penmon point. Pay the toll to drive down to the lighthouse you can part RIGHT on the front - she can view the lighthouse and beach, you can have a small meander.

Benllech. Nice beach with car park right on the front, benches, cone of chips that sort of thing.

afternoon tea at Plas Rhianfa.

good luck!

I've had great holidays with people who can't walk very far. Don't underestimate how awful it is walking if you have arthritis. I wear high heels to slow down/limit my own walking. I suggest a scenic driving tour of the coast and cafes. Don't park in the car park and have mum trudge with you to the cafe or hotel. Drop her right at the door before you park. Limit how much walking your mum does to the absolute minimum. Don't expect her to climb stairs or walk up and down looking for a bus-stop or nice cafe. There's nothing to stop you running ahead to see something and running back to her while she rests. I would highly recommend cruise holidays as there's lots to do and you wouldn't feel obligated to stick together all the time. Cruises often run shore trips that are coach tours suitable for people who can't walk very much at all. The scenic drive & cafe tour actually runs a close second to cruises and is cheaper,so you're on the right track.

What about going to newborough forest, and to llanddwyn beach? The car park is very close to the beach, so she could hopefully walk to there and rest/read, while the rest of you could walk along to twr mawr lighthouse, it's beautiful there!

Get binoculars so you can all it and bird watch?

I’d work out what you actually want to do, and then plan a short walk with her each day, Social time in the evening or lunchtime - whatever suits - and you go off and do your thing whilst she reads, catches up on box sets, whatever…

I think this is a good idea. She doesn't need you with her 24/7.