Control Your Kids

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Children running around in pubs. Personally I never let mine as you have people walking with drinks and food. The pub I’m in has a massive park opposite, take them there to burn off their excess energy after you’ve finished your meal instead of them zooming past me at 100mph. AIBU?

I was holding a viewing for a house I was letting out, a family with two young girls, and the girls ran around at 100mph while the parents said nothing (red flag).

I said to the parents, could they discourage the girls from running in the house as I'd hate for them to get hurt - the father gave me the nastiest look.

A minute or so later, one of the girls tripped up and came down on the hard tiled floor of the kitchen, she burst out crying and was evidently hurt.

He was furious with me, like I'd caused it by what I'd said! They didn't get the house...

But how about children with SEN who may need to move around. Are we saying that they shouldn't be in pubs?!

I have two children with neurodevelopment disabilities. They aren't allowed to tear around the pub.

When we go out to eat we always choose a suitable table for them, I will ring ahead and reserve to ensure this and pretty much all venues are happy to reserve a specific type of table when you explain why it's needed. We ask for a table either in a quiet corner or against a wall/not in the middle of the floor or a booth if booths are available.

If they need to move then we engineer this into the trip - they can walk to the bar with me to order, they can walk to the toilets to wash hands, they can walk to collect a box of cutlery or some condiments.

If they need to crouch down in a ball they can go under our own table with an arm around my lower leg so I know they're there and haven't crawled off.

If they need to jump or flap, they can go behind the chairs closest to the wall so they're not invading anyone else's space and there's no chance of them colliding with anyone.

If they need a bit of a noise/smell break or to move in a larger way then DH or I takes them outside for a few minutes, finds a quiet/safe spot, and let's them have at it.

There is a lot of middle ground between "don't take them" and "running riot".

Kids running around in pubs are annoying but the most annoying humans in pubs that I've ever encountered are groups of rowdy really pissed men.

Bloody hell, I do hope that family suing the pub lose, and have to pay the pub’s hefty costs, too. And some lurid publicity in the media might help to ram the message home to those parents who think their kids must be allowed to behave exactly as they like, wherever they happen to be.

IMO there’s a small minority of parents who actively enjoy seeing their kids being a nuisance to other people. I used to know someone like this - she’d sit there with a little, secret sort of smile and say things like, ‘That’s kids - what can you do?’

That sounds like ‘active parenting’ which used to be known as ‘good parenting’ and before that just ‘parenting’.

Hesperian, it sounds like you are both teaching your children how to behave in public as well as accommodating them. I wish more parents were like you.

Hospedia, apologies for your name change - bloody autocorrect!

The family are lucky pub hasn't done a child safeguarding report for neglect of their child, taking to pub failing to supervise child such that the child got hurt.*
*
Fucking hell 🙄 what a load of bullshit. Yes it is clearly the parents' fault but this is not a safeguarding matter.

OP, YANBU. Although I have done it

It’s really basic parenting that you keep your kids at your side when you are out.

for their safety and for the safety of others.

keep running for outside

Once upon a time I was a Waitress with Wings (flight attendant). I have explicitly told people that the hot chocolate I am about to hand over is VERY hot. (And fatty due to the milk powder stuff). I told a couple that I was very uncomfortable with giving them hot chocolate while they had a toddler stretched across their laps, and suggested a cold beverage instead. They insisted that it would be fine. I was just cleaning up the food service when there was an almighty scream. You guessed it. I spent 20mins pouring running water on the kid in the loo while they demanded “free things”. The people sitting in front of them signed a witness statement claiming that they had heard them discussing deliberately tipping it onto the child’s leg, so that they could get “free stuff”. They tried to sue.

Also can’t tell you the number of times I have requested that toddlers not be allowed to wander up and down the aisle unattended due to the fact that they a) could easily be injured or even die if the aircraft hit unexpected turbulence. (I have been injured when hitting the ceiling.) and B) they are annoying everyone when they grab at their food or laptops, whatever… The parents of those kids are usually gazing at them adoringly with giant manga eyes, oblivious to the fact that not everyone thinks their kid is as cute as they do.

I have two kids who are hard to control (one is neurotypical but excitable, the other has some additional needs). So when we go to the pub we make sure we're prepared- we have lots of stuff to entertain them at the table and we pay attention to them and play games (it's amazing how kids who have attention will sit at a table, but bored kids want to run around). I also usually take them out of the pub to stretch their legs between food ordering and arriving. They know that if they start messing around in the pub they'll have to go outside straight away (with an adult obviously). I think it's good for them to learn these boundaries and I'd be mortified if other diners were annoyed by my children - especially as sometimes I go out with friends to the pub and know it is annoying when kids run round you when you're trying to have a nice adult conversation. I don't think there are any good excuses.

I’ve been to France several times on driving holidays and noticed how well behaved children were in cafes and restaurants. Children were interspaced with the adults who engaged with them, chatting, laughing including them in he conversation. Smaller children were sometimes taken outside to let off steam in between courses. One particular Sunday a family group of about twenty people of different generations came to eat at the hotel we were staying at. A long bench table was set up for them in outdoor eating area, I was sat nearby on a lounger and it was a pleasure to observe them during this long 3 hour lunch.( I wasn’t spying on them )
They were mindful of other diners and guests but still had a lovely time without the running and screaming you often see here.
After lunch they all changed into swimming gear and went into the pool, the hotel lets the locals use it if they’ve eaten there.
Coming back to Dover, we stayed at a Travel Lodge as we had a long drive back home and the difference in how parents let their
kids behave was noticeable.

I noticed that in Japan too. The children were so well behaved in public, entertained themselves quietly, ate nicely and engaged in conversation with their parents.

😆
You really need to believe nobody wants your kids running round pubs, orchid
They're not "expressing themselves", they're being a pain in the arse.

Someone actually wrote a book called, ‘French children don’t throw food.’

Er, just possibly that’s because French parents don’t allow them to?

This with bells on!
If 30 kids can sit with a couple of adults in a classroom without running round then your two or three kids can sit with two or three adults.
If your child can't sit still for an hour then you take turns at taking them out.
You put your phone away
You focus on your child
Other people are paying good money to eat there. Your child should not move from your table without an adult.
Start at home. Sit down at the table with them. They won't know what to do unless you tell them what's expected.
Family friendly means all families not just yours.

but they shouldn't have been sat down for an hour in the first place!

YANBU.

I think it also makes it harder for other parents as IME there can start to be hositily to young children generally being places.

When our's were young - we did make sure they were tired had activties and parental attention to distract - so they were well behaved - or we left.

Despite this we had few occasions were people were very nasty just because we had young children with us - an even rare few occasions same people came over later comment on how unbelievably well behaved our children actually were. Though personally I'd rather they'd kept their inital comments and thoughts to themsleves and not pre-judged us making me bit more stressed and wary.

I think letting kids run wild in inapprioate places isn''t just obviously dangerous for them and others it also errodes the general levels of tolerance towards children being in places.

Throwing food!
We were in a "Brewers Fayre" type eaterie a few years back it was between 9-10pm and two kids on a table near us decided to have a food fight, I couldn't believe it as the adults with them were laughing and of course the waiter carrying plates slipped on some of it and went down.

@Hospedia i just wanted to say, you sound like a great parent and a really considerate person. If only more parents were like you. Wishing you and your kids all the best.

My children can be both seen and heard without running around like idiots during a meal.

Sorry if your child cannot behave appropriately, you remove them from the situation and parent them. That might mean sanctions if they're badly behaved; it might mean employing coping strategies for disabled children.

Regardless of the situation, it is our responsibility as adults and parents to bring up our children to live in a society, If you find that objectionable <some posters> then be prepared for people to avoid you and your children.

Hospedias post shows why all the “but they may have special needs” posts are wrong and actually in a lot of ways offensive. Special needs shouldn’t be used as an excuse for bad behaviour.

most parents of children with additional needs are very tuned into how to meet their needs while also being considerate to those around them.

I don’t understand why people take their children to places that aren’t kid friendly in the first place!

I was once in a bar that also sold food in a city centre, on a street that was full of bars and basically is the “drinking, hen do, party centre of town”, not a single establishment on that street is kid friendly. No kids menus, lots of drunk people etc.

Went for a child free date and had to endure children running around my table with bread knives, whilst their parents did nothing!?!? Well apart from little twinkly laughs and coos about how funny and amazing their little shits where..

Some people really think the sun shines out of their kids arses

We go to the kinds of pubs that have play areas in the garden for this reason. The kids can run around in a designated area without irritating anyone or endangering themselves and others.

You get some incredibly judgmental threads on here about people who allow their kids to watch phones or iPads in restaurants in pubs!

YANBU - people should teach their kids to behave appropriately in different situations. Kids crying and talking loudly is one thing and unavoidable but zooming around completely unsupervised where there is a risk they could injure themselves or others is not ok and lazy parenting. If you don't want to look after your kids & want to chill out & relax leave them at home with a sitter or choose a more appropriate venue.