School, dd with special needs

[Leftie202]

Dd age 10, struggling significantly at school. They have gone to a reduced Time table, she has a one on one, echp, not yet been diagnosed but all professionals say probably adhd. She’s hard work at school no doubt about it. At home she’s not so bad. She lives full time with her father, only spends weekends and half the holidays with me. It has been this way for a couple years, she seems happy with this arrangement. So here is the aibu… the school struggle so much with her that they have to call me or her dad in to help them quite often, daily, every other day if we’re lucky. Now they usually call her dad first, but he normally says he can’t come in for whatever reason, so it’s left to me. I work full time, im having to leave work, have so much time off which I simply can’t afford to do. Her dad claims all the benefits for her, so I simply have to work to live, so I’ve said to school I can’t come in anymore, sorry, but I can’t. Im going to end up losing my job if it keeps happening. They said that’s not acceptable and I should be available when they need me. But I think her dad should be! He’s the main parent, he claims for her, including dla and carers. Basically he has the option to not work and care for her, where as I do not. So aibu or not? Im so stressed with it because I can’t keep on like this.

Yes I can imagine that Morph but it wouldn’t go anywhere and if it did would be challengable.

I find it bizarre that OP and her ex are being told to come into school and be with their child. I have taught children with all levels of special need and major behavioural difficulties in mainstream and (mainly) in special schools. And I have never once heard of a parent being called to come and sit in the classroom with their child.

It makes no sense other than as a tactic to avoid illegal exclusion. So both parents simply need to stop doing it.
Tell them that if the child is excluded then they will be picked up. But neither of you (he's self employed so equally can't just leave a customer/client in the lurch) can leave your work to sit in the classroom.

The school needs to either shit or get off the pot, frankly.

I've known a child to be on a 20 minute per day reduced timetable and the parent has to stay on site. The LA was aware and just increased funding but school wouldn't change the arrangements.

There were 2 winners and neither was the child.

I know. But the reality is that if a school says no the LA usually accepts it, even when it shouldn't.

My LA regularly names schools that have said no.They might start scrabbling about for another once an appeal is underway, but it's pretty standard here.

The OPs ex naming it as would also influence things.

Same here Pen.