School, dd with special needs

[Leftie202]

Dd age 10, struggling significantly at school. They have gone to a reduced Time table, she has a one on one, echp, not yet been diagnosed but all professionals say probably adhd. She’s hard work at school no doubt about it. At home she’s not so bad. She lives full time with her father, only spends weekends and half the holidays with me. It has been this way for a couple years, she seems happy with this arrangement. So here is the aibu… the school struggle so much with her that they have to call me or her dad in to help them quite often, daily, every other day if we’re lucky. Now they usually call her dad first, but he normally says he can’t come in for whatever reason, so it’s left to me. I work full time, im having to leave work, have so much time off which I simply can’t afford to do. Her dad claims all the benefits for her, so I simply have to work to live, so I’ve said to school I can’t come in anymore, sorry, but I can’t. Im going to end up losing my job if it keeps happening. They said that’s not acceptable and I should be available when they need me. But I think her dad should be! He’s the main parent, he claims for her, including dla and carers. Basically he has the option to not work and care for her, where as I do not. So aibu or not? Im so stressed with it because I can’t keep on like this.

Just refuse, the school cannot force you. You aren’t helping DD long term by going in.

Neither your’s or your ex’s choice on schooling carries any more weight than the other.

You need to call and have a chat with these 2 organisations

www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/advice_and_support_for_single_parents/

www.ipsea.org.uk/

There are special schools ,we have no idea if the Op,s child meets the criteria for one as its not a one size fits all
The school in this instance are completely in the wrong and clearly not sticking to the child's EHCP.

Leftie202
I have been told by the school that what her dad says is what’s counted because he is main parent. If it was my decision I would want her to go to a special needs school.

Unfortunately, this is now true. The school could be saying to the LA that they can't meet her needs, they could have all the evidence that said child needs a special school place or at least enhanced provision but if the resident parent says "No, I want this school," then what the child actually needs becomes irrelevant.

As a parent with PR you can ask a court to reconsider which school would be best for your dd. He doesn't get to decide.

But the school don't even seem to be trying to meet the child's needs ,by illegally excluding her and insisting the parent comes in to help out .

Iamnotthe1 do you have a link to this change because as far as I was aware existing case law says otherwise? And that isn’t the case with normal school admissions outwith EHCPs either.

This is both right, wrong and incredibly misleading at the same time.

Yes what you are saying is correct BUT assuming both parents still have parental responsibility, BOTH parents have a right to have their views heard. Whilst the Main parent would usually hold more weight, there is clear evidence here that the school are not coping. Ironically it is the OP that is masking the problem by going in to help. Unfortunately support generally has to be seen to have failed before any further action can be justified.

It is also why you need to talk to those helplines, some of the information you get on the internet is just fundamentally incorrect from a legal perspective

Notagoodnight do you have a link to the resident parent’s preference usually holding more weight? Because according to case law the resident parent’s preference doesn’t automatically carry more weight because they are the resident parent. The case law I am aware of is SG v Denbighshire CC [2016] UKUT 460 (AAC) and K v LB Haringey HS/3004/2014. The latter slightly different in that grandmother and the LA share parental responsibility. Is there any more recent case law you are aware of?

x2boys
But the school don't even seem to be trying to meet the child's needs ,by illegally excluding her and insisting the parent comes in to help out.

I'm not saying that the school is trying, just that the OP is correct when they say that the LA's are basically taking the resident parent's wishes as gospel regardless of the circumstances. However, I don't think we know enough about the day to day reality of the child's classroom to be able to accurately pass judgement on whether they are trying or not.

AReallyUsefulEngine
do you have a link to this change because as far as I was aware existing case law says otherwise? And that isn’t the case with normal school admissions outwith EHCPs either.

I'm afraid I don't have a link, just the experience of how it is working in our local authority at the moment. If the parent names the school on the EHCP, the child will go there regardless of whether the level of need can be met, including when the school states they cannot meet the level of need and can demonstrate that.

Then, if the needs of the child aren't being met (or can't be met), the LA will only move the child if the parent manages to force a change in the named school on the EHCP. The school flagging it and saying, with evidence, "We cannot meet the needs of this child," makes no difference whatsoever to the LA.

Stop answering calls from the school....

Do you know what is written into the EHCP in terms of support in school? The EHCP should be written in a way that supports DD and aims to reduce the number of incidents that lead to them asking for someone to be with her.

If she has 1-1 support, how much time is that for? In effect, they’re telling you that you must be the 1-1 for her.

I would request an emergency review of the EHCP and make sure your view is heard at the meeting. If the current school can’t meet her needs, the authority will either have to put something in place that will, or request a transfer to a different setting.

If she’s 10, it will be necessary to get it absolutely right for secondary school.

🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣

Just to clarify I was wholeheartedly agreeing with you. It was Iamnotthe1's post that was very wrong
Legally both parents have equal rights
Often a tribunal will give more weight to the main parent (thankfully in my case) but I cant imagine they would when there is such clear evidence of failure of provision.

Have you and dd dad been to the GP? Is she on waiting list for diagnosis with NHS? If she's an adhder medication could potentially hugely help. Other option if between yourself and dd dad would be private adhd diagnosis, much quicker (within a month) but about £800 minimum.

Iamnotthe1 This is a case of your LA thinking they can have their own policies because the case law says neither parents’ preference carries more weight. The resident parent’s wishes are not legally taken as gospel.

If the parent names the school on the EHCP, the child will go there regardless of whether the level of need can be met, including when the school states they cannot meet the level of need and can demonstrate that.

This might be because, wholly independent schools excepted, the LA have to name the parental preference regardless of whether the school object or not unless they can prove:
-The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.
The bar to prove incompatibility is high, higher than many think and more than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”.

Then, if the needs of the child aren't being met (or can't be met), the LA will only move the child if the parent manages to force a change in the named school on the EHCP. The school flagging it and saying, with evidence, "We cannot meet the needs of this child," makes no difference whatsoever to the LA.

Parents often have to appeal, but this doesn’t have anything to do with the resident parent’s choice carrying more weight.

We can pass judgement, the school should not be calling the OP daily to go in.

Notagoodnight Apologies, I misunderstood where you posted ”Whilst the Main parent would usually hold more weight, there is clear evidence here that the school are not coping.”

I'm only speaking from my own experience with the families I've worked with. For example, I've had a child who, for the last two years, we have been trying to secure a special school place. We've had the supportive evidence for it, the non-resident parent has supported it but it was constantly batted back until the resident parent finally agreed to a different school being named. As soon as she did, the child was almost instantly placed in special provision. What should happen and what does happen doesn't always match.

Does you daughters dad work full time too?

Just as your ex is refusing, you too can refuse. You hold the power, what can they do.

the OP is correct when they say that the LA's are basically taking the resident parent's wishes as gospel regardless of the circumstances.

Nope. At the moment the residents parent acceptance of the status quo is convenient because its cheaper. The LEA can tick the parental preference box.

Its naive to think its anything to do with being the "main" parent.

What should happen and what does happen doesn't always match.

That doesn’t mean it is right though or that it cannot be challenged. It’s the same with lots of things with EHCPs.

Oh absolutely, they are definitely doing it because it's cheaper. It's the same reason the LA give parents the whole "give mainstream a try... you can always move later" line.

Just to be clear, I wasn't saying that how LAs like mine are acting is legal or moral or correct, nor how it should be. I was just saying what, in my experience, the reality is right now.

If you have joint parental responsibility then, once again, the school is talking rubbish. I must say, it does sound like both the head and the SENCO need some major retraining.

And/or SOS SEN