School, dd with special needs

[Leftie202]

Dd age 10, struggling significantly at school. They have gone to a reduced Time table, she has a one on one, echp, not yet been diagnosed but all professionals say probably adhd. She’s hard work at school no doubt about it. At home she’s not so bad. She lives full time with her father, only spends weekends and half the holidays with me. It has been this way for a couple years, she seems happy with this arrangement. So here is the aibu… the school struggle so much with her that they have to call me or her dad in to help them quite often, daily, every other day if we’re lucky. Now they usually call her dad first, but he normally says he can’t come in for whatever reason, so it’s left to me. I work full time, im having to leave work, have so much time off which I simply can’t afford to do. Her dad claims all the benefits for her, so I simply have to work to live, so I’ve said to school I can’t come in anymore, sorry, but I can’t. Im going to end up losing my job if it keeps happening. They said that’s not acceptable and I should be available when they need me. But I think her dad should be! He’s the main parent, he claims for her, including dla and carers. Basically he has the option to not work and care for her, where as I do not. So aibu or not? Im so stressed with it because I can’t keep on like this.

I suspect this is a huge misunderstanding of what was going on legally.

A child has a right to a mainstream education (unless it is shown to be incompatible with the education of other pupil).

A parent (either parent) can exercise this right.

In your case the resident parent exercised this legal right. It could have happened either way round

The LEA cannot overrule this legal right unilaterally.

When there was no parents exercising this legal right the situation changed.

I really hope you arent actually telling families the "resident" parent's opinion hold more weight. You are at risk creating a breeding ground for misinformation and prejudice.

Thank you for the links, I will look into those.
dds dad is self employed and works part time. I have actually started recently ignoring the schools calls. Because I’m at work and I can’t keep leaving. I’m glad I posted because this has given me a lot to think about, like the fact the school do rely on us a lot, what would they do if we both completely refused to go in? I don’t know. We have started the process to have dd assessed for adhd, but because of the back log it’s taking a long long time. The echp took 7 months to get!

If both parents refuse what happens to the child? or the other children in the class?

If she is distressed what do people think should happen?

OP's Ex is being an absolute prick but that doesn't resolve what happens if the phone goes tomorrow. The school may have tried and failed to get support staff.

Schools are horribly underfunded and this is what is happening everywhere.

But OP needs to push for a specialist school, this can't go on.

Andasifbymagic then the school will need to provide the provision in the EHCP if they aren’t already or push for additional support via an early review. This may include formally excluding, but this doesn’t need to be seen as a negative as it will provide evidence OP’s DD isn’t having her needs met in the current placement/with the current level of support.

Rather than the school placing the child on a unlawful reduced timetable OP’s DD should be in school full time or the school should formally exclude or the LA should be providing alternative arrangements if OP’s DD is unable (e.g. because of her mental health) to attend full time.

The school should also stop saying the father’s decision on schooling takes priority.

To add to Notagoodnight’s post. Whilst there is a right to a mainstream education with the exception of if the LA can demonstrate it is incompatible with the efficient education of others and there are no reasonable steps to avoid this. Although this does not necessarily mean there is a right to a particular mainstream school.

The OP ex can be pushing all he likes. Whilst the OP continues to fill the gap there is no incentive for school or LEA to do anything.

But actually there is a lot else that could be going on here

If the kids behaviour improves instantly on mums arrival I'd worry the kid has worked out that as soon as she kicks off mum arrives and she gets to see the parent she doesn't live with

I'd also worry about a parent who starts to ignore theirs childs schools phone call. It needs to be proactively dealt with. Are the provisions in the EHCP being provided, are they sufficient and have the school called in ed psych/OT? Depending on the answer to those questions alters what you do next

But you need to come from an understanding of your rights and responsibilities. Which is why the helplines are so important

Practically, the LA can't win here. They would potentially need to argue at tribunal (and very expensively) to demonstrate that the mainstream school can't meet need in order to place the child in SEN school against father's wishes (assuming the dad objected and took the LA to tribunal). It would be much better to work on persuading the dad that SEN school would be in her best interests (if indeed it would be).

I wonder how this feels for dd? She doesn't get much time with Mum in the week ...unless she plays up at school, whereupon she not only gets respite from school, she gets unscheduled extra time with Mum. Isn't that potentially highly motivating?

OP, Sounds like you need to request the school call an emergency review of the EHCP, and get everyone round the table problem solving, including both parents and someone from the LA if possible.

What exactly are the behaviours she is engaging in? What does she say about what feels hard at school?

The child has an EHCP which should detail the child's needs including 1:1 support etc
If the needs still can't be met then an emergency EHCP review needs to be called .

It's quite likely that the school has tried and failed to recruit support staff. There is a desperate need in this area.

They cannot be magicked out of nowhere.

"It's quite likely that the school has tried and failed to recruit support staff. There is a desperate need in this area.

They cannot be magicked out of nowhere."

It would not be it be acceptable to say to parents of a child without SEN ' we can't find a teacher so your child will have to stay home/ be on a permanent part time time table.

Exactly Sockwomble.

If the school really cannot recruit or redeploy anyone they should put the onus on to the LA as the responsibility to make sure 1:1 (if that is specified and quantified in the EHCP) is provided rests with them. The LA may need to fund the 1:1 at a higher rate. A lack of funding and/or struggling to recruit doesn’t prevent the school from asking for an early review or incorrectly telling the OP the resident parent’s opinion counts for more either. Neither does it excuse unlawful part time timetables.

Then they should look at recruiting a supply teacher.
What they cannot do is insist that parents act as support staff.

Tell the school unless you receive formal paperwork stating your child is excluded you will not be picking up during the school day. Literally just had this conversation with my sons school. Lasted less than 30 minutes before sent home the other day we are currently on a 5 day exclusion due to his asd and them not knowing how to deal with him in a better way. The school is shit. Thankfully we are awaiting specialist provision. Down side is only 1 school can meet needs and its an hour away. Tell the school you want an emergency ehcp review as they are not meeting their legal obligation to educate your child.

I voted YABU, because I cannot imagine a time when I would not do all I can to be there for my child. I’m sure it’s not the case, but your OP reads as though you are slightly disinterested.

If a mainstream school cannot cope with her, there’s three solutions - try another mainstream with better provision, a special school, or home schooling.

Who would do the homeschooling, given that op isn't the rp, @DixonD ?

This has happened to my child without SEN twice this year as they couldn't get enough staff in due to Covid and shut different year groups down. The poster is right, if they can't get the staff, they can't get the staff.

Best piece of advice I received from sendias when my son was in mainstream is that you don’t have to go and pick up when they call. It took all the pressure off. Even if they formally exclude you don’t have to pick up immediately you have to be given notice. Sendias did say you may find that if you don’t pick up unless it’s a formal exclusion then you may find school do a longer formal exclusion say 2 days instead of the half day informal exclusion, however I didn’t find this to be the case. When you drop everything and pick up you are solving the immediate problem which gives no one any incentive to sort things out long term which isn’t doing your daughter any favours in the long run. I found then when I didn’t pick up the school somehow just managed, sometimes he was formally excluded but this was evidence towards when I went for specialist as you have to remember even if her dad decided he wanted her in specialist she most likely wouldn’t get it without a long fight

Totally agree it’s definitely a convenient reason for la to keep her in mainstream. Its a big enough fight anyway even when both parents agree they want specialist

Have you been told the governors are reviewing the exclusion? I think they have to for 5 days. You should make representations to them that this was a breach of the School Exclusions Guidance and disabiity discrimination.

Would you really risk your job and the roof over your heads purely to help out a school that can and should get help through the system set up for the purpose?

That is very easy to say as a throwaway comment when you have never been in that situation. Being there for your child does not always been going in and picking them up at the drop of a hat. By doing this the op is providing a convenient solution to an immediate problem and no one has any incentive to sort out a real long term solution. My son is now in specialist but it was a massive fight with lots of evidence and involved going to tribunal. Part of our evidence was formal school exclusions. He is now doing amazingly well but if I’d carried on going to collect him every time school phoned we wouldn’t be where we are, he would no doubt still be struggling in mainstream, I’d have lost my job so we’d have no money and I’d possibly have had a nervous breakdown. It’s very easy to give your three choices like it’s some sort of simple solution but it’s very clear from your post you have absolutely no idea at all about how the system works

Here’s the information about legal and illegal school exclusion in the U.K..
www.ipsea.org.uk/pages/category/exclusion-from-school
chech out the rest of the site for advice on EXHP and reviews.
IPSEA - Independent Provider of Special Education Advice, offers independent legally based advice, support and training to help get the right education for children and young people. They are the go to charity. Loads of free legal advice on their website and sample letters etc. well worth a look.

"This has happened to my child without SEN twice this year as they couldn't get enough staff in due to Covid and shut different year groups down."

Your child has been on a part time timetable for months on end and you are expected to go in at the drop of a hat to sit with them or take them home when other children in the class get to stay there all day?

Exactly, their child has not been able to go into school due to staffing issues twice in a whole year and somehow they think it’s comparable.

*ECHP not EXHP.

www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/education-health-and-care-plans For ECHP info.

www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/service-overview Support lines contact details for advice. Be prepared to wait or make an appointment. They’re usually very busy and it’s run by (highly trained) volunteers, usually parents themselves who have been through it all so staffing is variable.

www.ipsea.org.uk/if-you-have-an-ehc-plan Steps to take if the ECHP plan is not being followed or is failing your child.

www.ipsea.org.uk/model-letters Model letters for a variety of SEN needs.

they are good and you will probably find all you need on the site. It’s very well organised but has a lot of tried and tested, very up to date information.