I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

Exactly this
Think about what your saying

Oh ffs

I'm no longer surrounded by loving family plus I don't have any inheritance.

It doesn't make sense to begrudge because a person's family member left them inheritance.

The reverse but same breath you're angry with your lost loved ones for not making enough or insuring themselves to cover the costs of a funeral.

Some of the dismissive comments on inheritance are awful.

I think this is an excellent description.

That’s a double blow of hurt.
However..
Hopefully you can make your own life secure ?

Inheritances definitely make life loads easier in financial terms-
It’s likely to be the only way many younger people can get on the housing ladder-
Property is the main thing that creates almost obscene profits, especially in Certain areas of London.

Well I win this game of inheritance top trumps.

Firstly, my parents are/were horribly abusive, secondly they are/were very well off, thirdly I have no contact with my Mum (the sadly still alive parent) and I will be cut out of her will.

It's worth it though to never have to see her again.

Also, of course inheriting from a much-loved parent isn't lucky, but it's better than not inheriting from a really fucking awful parent.

I just wanted to be loved but now it doesn't hurt so much because I have three fantastic kids who I love and who love me.

We would rather our parents still be alive!

A friend of mine inherited because her dad was on Piper Alpha. I’m sure she would rather have had her dad.

My neighbours husband died and he left everything to his wife and not his children. The son barely spoke to his mother again as he couldn’t understand why his father would leave it all to as he said “just a school teacher”. He was in finance. At his sisters The daughter only saw her mother when she wanted money. At his sister’s funeral the son stood at the back of the church leaving his mother alone at the front. Sadly both children predeceased their mother. Money can cause huge family rifts.

@AchatAVendre house prices are fuelled by mortgage lending not by inheritance. If you go back 40+ years people could only borrow a fraction of their salary and banks were severely restricted on lending. There were rule changes in the 90s that enabled a massive increase in lending and consequent house price inflation.

Buying a house in the mid 90s could set someone up for life, much as buying bitcoin when it was only worth a few quid has for others. Those of us who missed that wave could sit around feeling resentful, or we can get on with our lives.

One basic pillar of a free society is the ability to spend our money as we wish and give it to whom we want when we want to. Clearly we have some restrictions on that, including illegal goods etc. However, the law of unintended consequences is with considering. High inheritance tax results in accountants and wealth managers getting richer and doesn't really hit the very well off, but does hit the middle earner and careful saver. With no ability to pass inheritance to loved ones, some people don't bother to save at all and then the tax payer picks up the bill for their old age care.

One set of my grandparents were so frugal to pass down inheritance to their kids it was ridiculous. They didn't go anywhere that cost them money, never went on holidays, never ate out anywhere; once they retired at 50 they just did nothing. All their food was reduced or value brand, they reused tea bags several times. They would sit inside in their coats and gloves in winter rather than out the heating down. The only other place they would spend money would be at car boot sales. When my grandad got sick and needed a carehome he and my gran refused, instead they insisted on my poor gran struggling with him in her mid 80's trying to lift him in/out of bed to save money. Once he died my gran refused a carehome until she fell and broke her hip and had to live with one of her sons and then eventually was forced into a carehome as she was so poorly.

I would much prefer they spent all of their hard saved cash and enjoyed life or made it a bit easier for themselves.

3 years after my gran died my dad died (4 weeks ago at 62) and now that money has bypassed him and come straight to me. I don't want it, it feels wrong... its not my money that I made to spend. I'll just pass it down to my kids. I just dont really get the point of it all if no one ever spends it.

Well, I find it pretty bloody staggering that people are talking about money making grief easier. And they are - "cushioning the blow" tripe . Maybe I should make a massive generalisation and say it's obvious those people don't love their families much if they think money helps you feel better. But I won't because I'm not an ass.

Also I'll add I'm not super well off in the first place either. Fairly low paid jobs and our property is shared ownership so we only "own " 25%... I still just dont want the money.

This thread is full of the hard of thinking!

Well you just did so 😳

But there aren't just two scenarios, it's not that black and white. What about when people are managing, not wealthy, just living a normal life, working, paying bills and getting by. How much is the blow of their grief softened in your neat categories? Maybe we could have a sliding scale?

My neighbours husband died and he left everything to his wife and not his children.

Isn’t that what anyone with an atom of sense does? It’s called tax planning.

YABU. I’d give anything to still have my grandparents. Much rather my kids met them, still had their company and guidance than any money/jewellery inherited.

Rare that a post on the first page hits the nail on the head, but this is a really nice way of looking at it.

I will have no inheritance and God knows we could use it. But I am so grateful for other things my parents and relatives passed to me.

Difficult to pick YABU or YANBU, @Barnabee, an inheritance might be a good thing but equally they can cause bitterness and division.

My dad left everything to my mum, we were a bit miffed not to be left even a memento of him, it would have been enough to know we were remembered and mattered. Mum did help my sister and I a bit and we are very grateful. A friend of hers told her she was foolish and should of kept it for herself.

That said, I don’t think she managed her funds well. We had to persuade her to downsize to free up money for her to live on. She donated a lot to charity but neglected her house so then couldn’t afford the repairs.

She’s now in a care home so any expectations we may have had, have gone by the way because we’ll need to ensure she is properly looked after.

Inheriting may be a thing of the past unless you have too little to be taken to pay for care or you have plenty so the cost of care will not take everything.

I hear you OP. I guess growing up without parents is just as shit as you get older. I think you not getting any kind of inheritance is probably part of that, and I can understand why you feel hard done by and find it hard to accept.

However, you can try and accept it, and just do your best to find happiness where you can.

My parents' inheritance experience is probably fairly typical: My mother was caring for her husband and her mother in law. Grandmother in her 90s ends up in expensive care home after a fall that fractured her hip and caused her to lose the ability to walk. Power of attorney needs to be invoked to access her bank account to pay for her care (ditto to sell house etc). This is a headache. By this point my parents are in their 70s, my dad who has the power of attorney is mental switched on, but arthritis and early Parkinson's mean that within a year of finally getting the bank to agree to him signing his mother's cheques, they refuse to recognise his signature. Another nightmare ensues. My parents' retirement was taken up by daily visits to my grandmother and endless admin associated with paying for her care. When a person dies their accounts are frozen, so money for their last care home bill etc cannot be accessed until after probate. This took over a year, so my parents had to pay my grandmother's bills upfront from their own savings and wait for probate before they could get the money back. There were all sorts of fees, hours and hours of work for what seemed like an interminable amount of time. I really thought my father wouldn't live to see the end of it. By the time he finally received a modest inheritance, he was too broken and unwell to be able to do anything with it.

Ok. Ask those who fall into that category whether they want the money or not, they'll say yes. it's not as if saying no will bring them back.

Those who are 'just getting by', now may be able to provide their children with deposits for a house, or they may be able to pay their mortgage off a few years earlier than planned. It won't soften the blow of greif itself, but it will soften the blow of dealing with life around the grief.

YANBU
Most of those who don’t understand where you’re coming from are those who’ve had inheritances or parents did.

Even if you weren’t in care, It has a knock on effect.

If your parents never had an inheritance then chances are they couldn’t afford to buy a home and stayed in rented accommodation.

You then don’t get any money passed down so it’s unlikely you’ll get to buy your Jen home.

Then your children will also struggle to buy their own homes.

People really are missing the point by saying 'I'd rather have the relative here' etc. OP isn't saying she'd rather everyone die and she gets a shedload of money!
I understand what you mean OP. I have never inherited any money and I'm unlikely to. My mum has made it very clear that when her time comes, she's leaving her house to my younger brother.

But I know so many people who have received a substantial amount when family members have passed away which has enabled them to buy a house etc.