I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

As a DC my parents had a mortgage in a mixed estate of social housing every Christmas and birthdays we got nothing in comparison to friends who lived in social housing, our parents worked though their rent was 15% of my parents mortgage payments.

My parents needed life insurance for the mortgage.

I always felt inferior, same friends are snarky now as I'm due inheritance split between 5 DC so it swings in roundabouts excluding the fact my parents died before 70.

I'm the only one who doesn't own any property and probably never will, I'm investing 2/3 of my inheritance for the DC which I'll top up as I go.

Inheritance tax in France is 60% almost from zero, and I think thats better for society as it doesn't help fuel massive house price insurance but still lets people inherit something with the rest going into the general pool of taxation receipts.

I would have much preferred to have had my parents around for the last 20yrs than the inheritance they left us.
They both died in their fifties, my mum first. She missed all her three daughters weddings, never got to see her grandchildren. The money didn’t help soften any of the sense of loss we have all experienced.

And those with no inheritance are also losing loved ones

And their experience of losing a beloved parent isn't actually worse emotionally just because they didn't inherit anything. The loss of my father wasn't about money it was about the shock and the loss. As someone said, it's very crass to try to quantify people's loss like this.

I get this actually, I used to feel that way having no contact with any relatives on either mine or dh family - having built up a good life with my own family & DH we will pass on a good inheritance & I'm even working on gifting money while I'm alive, that's my ambition. I want my children to have what I didn't, & I'm honestly grateful to have that opportunity.

I don't want money from people who don't want to give it. I don't know your situation OP but I can relate as I used to feel the same way, but life has changed that. I wish you the best.

I’m really sorry, I just saw your update about growing up in care. That must really complicate feelings about all kinds of aspects of family life. I can totally see why the idea of parents wanting to pass things forward to the next generation is going to stir the pot for you.💐

Trust me, knowing I didn’t have to worry about paying the bills and could keep up the standard of living we were used to made the grief process a hell of a lot either as I could just focus on dealing with the death and not worry about anything else

Not being unreasonable at all times are so tough

ive been extremely lucky with what my dad has given me, I don’t take it for granted and frankly I would be up shit creek without it

i really feel for people who don’t get that kind of leg up

What is the matter with you? Jealous of people who've lost, in the main, their parents for cash? I would give anything to have my mum back and my dad in sound mind. Ten times anything monetary I'll ever get. Shame on you

no, shame on you! RTFT. The OP grew up in care. Im sure she would give up everything she ever has to have had a stable childhood with loving parents. She lost her Birth parents at what I expect was a much younger age than you did And I’m guessing placed with a series of foster carers. Probably Never had anyone fighting her corner as you most likely did, had many missed opportunities and depending on how ‘lucky/unlucky’ she was, May have moved home many, many times before being thrown in to the big wide world when she reached adult hood. It is well known that children in care Are more disadvantaged than those living with their birth families. Even those who are placed with adoptive families at a young age have attachment issues and Are disadvantaged because of this through life.

so, as other posters have pointed out. Loosing your relatives and being given nothing versus loosing your relative and being given a substantial amount of money. I know which one I’d choose. My grandparent died and I received 2k. My Dfriends GP died and she got 200K. It doesn’t mean we miss our GP different amounts or that one of us had more grief or sadness. But it does mean that her life is much easier than mine and she has far more long term stability than I do.

No one is jealous that anyone looses a relative, but I think it’s completely natural to be jealous that some people (those who probably already had a privileged upbringing) are given a substantial amount of money when someone they love dies. It’s another way the rich get richer (thinking about my friend, parents Paid for private education, including Extra tutors to ensure excellent exam results and parents actually being bothered about your education, All those experiences to give them a well rounded childhood (abroad holidays, theatre trips, family days out, weekend breaks to interesting city’s), parents Financially supported through uni and masters degree, bought Them a car, helped with house deposit, Give very generous birthday/Christmas presents) and then a substantial inheritance.

completly different from OP growing up in care and getting nothing.

Exactly!

For some who have inheritances they are no longer surrounded by loving families. Money is no replacement for love.

I'm no longer surrounded by loving family plus I don't have any inheritance.

Most people can’t stand the idea that they have benefited in any way through loss. That they are in a better position financially because someone has died.
It’s entirely understandable.

I'm really struggling to see why people are finding this so hard to understand.

There are two scenarios.

Losing a loved one and not being left anything, having to pay funeral costs, not being able to afford to take time out of work to grieve , feeling immense sadness about the loss alongside having to worry about housing/living costs.

Losing a loved one, being left enough to cover funeral costs and to take time to grieve with no financial pressure, and knowing that the house/whatever you inherited will mean you have a financial security blanket.

Both are awful and it's so sad to lose someone, but one of those situations is tougher than the other.

The only scenario where it might not soften the blow is if you are already very wealthy, and if the money is that meaningless to you then no one is making you keep it.

the ones whose relatives have died and haven’t inherited anything don’t have their relatives either.

This.

I'm really struggling to see why people are finding this so hard to understand.

Me too! It's as if they think you either inherit or your relatives live forever.

Yeah its a wind up, cos the op clearly has never lost anyone and never will

Well my parents have a house that when they pass will go to my sisters and I. It's not worth loads.

I'm not arsed about it I'd love to keep the house as it's where I have grew up and holds lots of memories.

I've told them to sell it to the three of us or one of us etc us and live there regardless and use the money to go on never ending holidays. Obv we wouldn't charge them rent etc etc. but they should enjoy their retirement.

I'd love them to do that and have the security they need to do that.

The only people who need to give their head a wobble are the ones who think they'd have preferred to have lost someone AND not inherited anything at all.

Literally no one said that. They said they would rather have their relative alive than the money. Because there are some deeply shitty attitudes to other people's grief and loss on this thread. You can't quantify it.

You have no idea about other people's lives, the fact that they got an inheritance is one way people have more money than others. It isn't the only one. Many people on this forum are comfortably off anyway, while other people aren't. Many people don't even have any idea what being poor feels like. Are they giving all their spare money to charity and wearing a hair shirt? No. But some of those people also feel hard done by. Because it's relative.

This, this 1000x over.

What I mean is I don't want the inheritance I'd rather they have they cash to do what they want in their old age.

Exactly!!!

The lack of any kind of understanding of what the op means is staggering.