I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

But then so would having your dad, and if you had to choose between the two, which would it be?

Say it at loud as you want, but an inheritance didn't 'soften the blow' for us.

This. It's incredibly insensitive. Some people on this thread need to give their head a wobble.

Same here, in the respect that I'm an only child and was set to inherit enough to never have to worry about money again and to set my daughter up for life.

Both my parents now have early onset dementia and I doubt I'll see a penny after care home fees. I'm more worried about ending up with hereditary dementia myself than the money that at one time I banked on. It breaks my heart that I can't even have a conversation with my DM anymore and my DF can't retain any new memories whatsoever. Financial security pales into significance compared to this.

It does soften the blow like many here have stated their lives are easier because of inheritance. Just a fact really isn’t it.

This is tricky because I am occasionally ever so slightly envious of the options it has given my friend and her children, which are not and never will be options for me or mine, but I also remember the absolute hell she went through to be in that position, so feel guilty when those thoughts enter my head.

The people with no inheritance would like their mum’s back, too.

Yes of course. The inheritance doesn't make losing your mum less devastating though.

But the windfall makes life easier and allows you to not worry about finances on top of processing grief. What is so hard to understand?

Of course. It's highly unfair but it's just luck. I actually don't mind when people are open about it. My friend's in laws gave her £600k towards a house and pay her kids school fees. She's open about it and doesn't pretend her 'gains' are her success. I have another friend who married for money but lets on she's some sort of high flier on social media when actually she's not worked for five years and was sacked from her last job.

My father died in March this year. His will was read a month later. I inherited property and land. The most precious thing I have from him is a piece of jewellery I wear daily. I would give it all back to have my dad back and still cry daily about him not being here with us. I don't know anyone that would be jealous of me right now. My grief is heavy.

It does soften the blow like many here have stated their lives are easier because of inheritance. Just a fact really isn’t it.

No. Just like being rich doesn't mean you never feel sorrow or pain, it's not about money, it's about the loss of someone you love.

What people are (wilfully?) misunderstanding here, is that it’s not about the choice between having your loved ones and having an inheritance. No one is saying ‘I’m jealous of people who have an inheritance, I wish my loved ones were dead so I had one too’.
Its about the difference between losing a loved one and inheriting money, and losing a loved one and not inheriting money. The ones with no inheritance aren’t living in some sort of alternative reality in which no one dies.

My OH is set to get nothing. His parents are in social housing, have no savings, and have sepnt their lives being crap with money for themselves. His whole side except for a grandfather and uncle, have nothing and he doesn't expect anything from them. My side we may fair slightly better but we are a very large family and that sort of counteracts it. I dont sit counting and tallying up who we might get what from and if we dont get anything, im not bothered because i didnt have it in the 1st place.

And those with no inheritance are also losing loved ones.

I am sorry you feel as you do but bitterness won't help.

I won't get any inheritances either but then I never had any family so ..

No, it isn’t a fact. Nothing could have softened the blow when my parents died. It was a long time before I could bring myself to even think about touching the money. There are some really crass people on this thread.

Out of my group of six old friends, three have watched most of their inheritance swallowed up by care home fees, all of the ones who have lost their parents have inherited very little after care has been paid for. My dh lost both his parents in very sudden circumstances so did inherit money. It's just luck really whether people inherit anything.

Yeah. Ive a pal and we both have a gentle moan about having to scrimp for home deposits in this insane market whilst paying insane private rents ,as weve no one to inherent from.
it doesn't mean you decry those who have it , or are jealous or bitter - its ok to think it would be helpful....
the only reason were trying to buy is so DC wont have to worry about taking out a 30 year mortgage etc or work til 70 ....

I inherited a couple of thousand from my mum but that will be it in my life. I think inheritance has become more of an issue now because we have become a more unequal society and so we are more aware of the differences between those people who have large inheritances and those who do not, such as being able to afford a deposit for a house or pay for luxuries, such as a holiday of a lifetime.

Having said that, inheritances can cause problems as well as solutions. When I feel a bit envious, I tell myself that I'm on good terms with my siblings. We've never quarrelled because one of us inherited more than the others.

It’s a hard fact to swallow but for some people inheritance money gives them financial security.
Its not something many people are comfortable talking about for obvious reasons.

But the windfall makes life easier and allows you to not worry about finances on top of processing grief. What is so hard to understand?

It didn't make the sudden, shocking loss of my father emotionally easier at all and I resent the presumption that it did. You appear not to understand this. The money part is separate, inheritance is not ever a guarantee, people come into money for many reasons, and everyone has their problems. As someone suggested, if you are ill or disabled it can be hard to hear healthy people complaining about their lot in life. Envy is an entirely pointless emotion.

You could be like DH and I who inherited nothing though there have been two quite substantial inheritances. My Mother and his Father both left their inheritances to their favourite children, not us !

For some who have inheritances they are no longer surrounded by loving families. Money is no replacement for love.

I am too OP. I’m also jealous of people who grew up with ‘good enough’ parents, who didn’t suffer sexual, physical and emotional abuse within their family and weren’t abandoned by their fathers.

Unfortunately, life is a lottery from beginning to end and yes, money helps with everything, even loss.

It is important to appreciate what you have and make steps to alter things to get what you want. I don't mean by manipulating old people and getting into their wills! I mean making sure that you are able to do the things you like in life, and work to have meaningful relationships. I have met some rich but unhappy people. Wanting more than enough money is not going to lead to a happy life, even if you get it. There will be a short burst of pleasure, but it won't equal a long term happy life.

YANBU - but try not to let it eat at you. My DF spent years utterly obsessed with friends who stood to inherit property, including in some cases from both sets of parents. My DPs were both from very working class backgrounds and none of my DGPs ever owned property.

It’s true that inheriting a house, even a modest one, would have really helped my parents financially, and potentially us too. But they weren’t on the breadline and it simply wasn’t going to happen. But my DF did go through periods of really letting the raging jealousy hang out and it’s not healthy.

So absolutely YANBU to feel that way. Maybe explore why, if it’s complicated or you think there’s more to it , through therapy or journaling - eg if your parents have proudly announced they’ll be leaving it all to the local cats’ home. But try not to let it take over as there’s nothing you can do about it. (Other than buy lottery tickets 😉)