I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

You actually think that's what people are quite literally saying

Well what are they saying? When it’s used as a response to “I wish I had an inheritance”?

It makes zero sense unless the alternative to a dead parent and an inheritance is an immortal parent and no inheritance.

It is literally what they are actually saying, yes. Inanely and repeatedly.

Dead is dead. Your parents have died, or will die, there is no other option.

Dead without money or dead with money, is the question. "I'd rather have my parents" is a VERY stupid answer.

Those with inheritances can afford to be sentimental about dead relatives.

So what you are really jealous of is that people with inheritances had parents - who they have now lost. Nice

Yes, that's normal. Having no parents and a load of dosh is objectively better than no parents and no dosh. Do you not get that obvious fact?

You being a dick to someone with no parents at all and a life in care....that's next level though.

It's been very interesting and quite eye opening.

A lot of people really don't like admitting that their financial security has nothing to do with their own special qualities and just comes from luck. Ideally they'd like a narrative where it comes from shrewd judgment and hard work. Failing that it seems they are prepared to fall back on it being a pale reward for their unique grief and suffering!

You get this in the housing market. I'm quite happy to admit that we were just very lucky (and the right age) to benefit from the peculiarities of the UK housing market, and we have made lots of money entirely by accident. But some people of my age prefer to emphasise that they've "worked hard for what they've got" and blame the problems of the younger generation and those without adequate housing on laziness, avocados and smart phones.

I reckon the same people feel uncomfortable that another chunk of their wealth is through the random good fortune of inheritance and would prefer to paint themselves as tragic victims, and focus on the fact that their ancestors are somehow uniquely plagued with the curse of not being immortal

There is a class war going on here.

The wealthier you are the more idealistic your emotions can be.

Poor people do not have the luxury of being sentimental.

I think inheritance can cause untold misery as well. My own ‘D’F hundreds of thousands in the 1950s at a young age and was through it in a few years from gambling and partying. He never had a proper job and we lived in poverty. He was an alcoholic and an addict which caused issues for his immediate and wider family.

My friend’s family used the inheritance of property as a tool to coerce and control over a number of years.

Me and my sister will probs get about £30k each from my Mum (if we don’t have to spend it on care for her). But I intend to pass it on to my own children, even though it’s a smallish sum.

Congratulations for being the most unsympathetic poster I've ever encountered on this site.

Ffs.

I think inheritance can cause untold misery as well. My own ‘D’F hundreds of thousands in the 1950s at a young age and was through it in a few years from gambling and partying. He never had a proper job and we lived in poverty. He was an alcoholic and an addict which caused issues for his immediate and wider family.

My friend’s family used the inheritance of property as a tool to coerce and control over a number of years.

There you go, OP. I bet that’s made you feel better. Almost as much as the post upthread telling you to count your blessings and think of the poor people in the third world.

Why do people insist on doing this? Are you suggesting that all inheritances are accursed and that nobody should want one, even the poor OP who grew up in care and quite reasonably wishes that she had the same advantages as other people she knows? Talk about tone deaf!

I feel for the op. My parents are dead. They died fairly young but still, it's the natural order of things. It was inevitable I'd lose them at some point. I think having parents who die is far far preferable to growing up in care. It must be really really tough. The op isn't jealous of people's parents dying. The inheritance aspect is just another thing in a long line of things which she has missed out on.

My parents dying young meant we inherited the money they had set aside for retirement and their healthcare needs in old age. Has they lived our inheritance would have been a lot less.
The size of inheritance is quite variable. For some, with family money, wealth is passed from generation to generation. For others wealth has been accumulated by one generation through hard work and opportunity but as a result of untimely death that generation has not benefited but has passed it onto the next generation.
Sometimes the benefit of money it totally outweighed by the benefit of presence. When I say I would rather have my parents than their money it is because what they had to offer as parents and grandparents was infinitely more valuable than hard cash.

@Iamthewombat

You are the tone deaf one.

Yes, some people are cursed by being abused by fucking addict/alcoholic parents. Some people are better off in care, I would have been. I was abused in every conceivable way. My father’s issues were triggered by his inheritance.

When I say I would rather have my parents than their money it is because what they had to offer as parents and grandparents was infinitely more valuable than hard cash

In many cases, that will be the same for people who lose their parents and their is no inheritance. So they have dead parents and hard cash, either.

I'm sorry to hear @Barnabee you didn't have a safe, loving family. As far as I'm concerned, when the government has been your parent, you should be treated as though you have one. And since the bloody Tories are now in, you should get your place at a public school and guaranteed lifetime wealth any day now.

Being a care leaver is hard but it shouldn't be hard financially. It's not about an inheritance, it's about all that parents do. If I needed a sofa to sleep on now, in my 40s, I'd get one. So should you.

In the nicest possible way, I don’t think that this is the thread for you.

Lost my mum in 3 weeks to AML, my Dad declined over his last years with dementia and heart failure. Would give back every penny of my inheritance to have them back for even a day.

Yes of course most people would but that's not what the op was saying.

...it seems they are prepared to fall back on it being a pale reward for their unique grief and suffering!

Exactly! 'Aww poor you for inheriting 00s of 000s of £'!

I might be wrong but there is something more suggested behind the wording the OP is using that makes this about more than the money.

A longing for a sense of a family that wanted you to help you even after they were gone - something you could use to know you were loved and to feel supported and cared for when the people are no longer here to do that in person.

Money is not always a marker of that (as PP have testified) but sometimes it is.

In my case, there will be no money, but there will be a lifetime of love and memories and a brother who I am close to and who I know loves me. Those too are types of treasures, and it's very unfair that so many posters (inc the OP) were not given that. I can undertand the jealousy of people who were, and the belief that the money could be a symbol of that.

I feel the same.

Everyone I know who owns a house did so with inheritances, early or otherwise.

I was left with 8K of debt covering my Dads funeral.

This is how wealth stays with the wealthy.

I know I’m fortunate to have had an inheritance when my F died, and I wouldn’t want him alive again, as he was abusive.

I’m also aware that I’m fortunate compared with other people who went through similar childhoods to me (or worse) but who haven’t had their lives cushioned with an inheritance.

However, I confess that I do envy people who had happy and secure childhoods with loving, supportive parents, even those who don’t have an inheritance. (Yes, I’m aware that their lives are harder than mine in other ways.)

My point really is that it’s hard not to envy people who have advantages that we don’t have.

It's not about an inheritance, it's about all that parents do. If I needed a sofa to sleep on now, in my 40s, I'd get one. So should you

Agree. As an adult it must be incredibly reassuring to know that if your life suddenly goes to shit, there's somewhere you can go. I don't have that as my parents are gone. My inheritance gave me some security at least

@Staynow me too ! Don't hate her but she is a miserable spoilt old bat now living in one of the most expensive care homes around. She's 90 and doesn't even want to live, she complains constantly to my daughters dad about it. There's us living in a poky rental with no security. An inheritance would be most welcome.

My parents left there house to my son - their grandson They asked me if that was ok with me and I said yes as long as they put something in the will to ensure that he couldn’t blow it on crap 😂
so they that’s what they did
it means my son has been able to buy a new car pay off a loan and still have around 200k to get into a home

he won’t be using all of it probably half as a deposit and the rest for later
do I miss my parents yes
am I glad they were sensible and gave my son an amazing opportunity in life that not everyone gets
Yes

would I want them back even for 1 day - no because the quality of life they had was so so shit if they had been dogs I would have PTS them by this point .
we don’t treat animals the way we allow elderly people to line sometimes .

My mum had dementia and cancer but physically mobile

my dad had pretty much lost all mobility eyesight and was basically just sitting in a chair waiting to die but he still had an active mind but not a body that worked

both of them I think are better of passed away than staying around like adult babies unable to do anything physically but still mentally with it
Both of them would be extremely happy with my sons new car and new home that thru have enabled him to have although I’m sure my dad would say to my son why do you want a piece of German crap for a car
( bmw ) 😂