I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

It's a never ending loop because people are talking about different things as if they are the same thing.
For example one poster might say "money can't replace love, I'd rather have my nan back, I don't want this money".
Then I might say "but your Nan was never going to live forever - leaving a legacy for you was her last act of love and if you use it wisely you will carry that for the rest of your life".
Which I how I feel about my own inheritance from my grandparents. I didn't love them less because I'm glad I got that money. They didn't love me more because they were able to provide it when other people's grandparents couldn't. But nevertheless, they loved me and this was something they could do to help me and I'm grateful for it. Their legacy will live on through my children (their great grandchildren who they never met) enhanced lives also.

But this deal is not on the table!

You have a choice between

1. Bad thing happening

2. Bad thing happening and good thing happening

That's it! No further options. It's no good saying "I don't want Bad Thing thank you."

Exactly!
The question isn't about whether you'd rather have your parent, or the inheritance.
It's whether you'd rather lose your parent and inherit 250k, or lose your parent and inherit nothing.

Not invalidating your experience at all, but personally for me it didn’t soften the blow in the slightest.

I completely agree.

I think the 'I'd sooner have my granny than the money' view comes from the movies.

So many movies have the line 'don't you think I would give it all up for just ONE more day with my father?'

No, love, you wouldn't.

Posters who are purposely missing the point asking if the op would rather have an inheritance or their relative alive 🙄🙄. My DM passed last year after a long Illness and I miss her dearly. She left me a small sum of money which I have been very grateful for. There was no bargaining to be had.

The question is ‘would you rather your relatives die and you inherit something, or your relatives die and you inherit nothing’. There’s no alternative situation to debate, as people are mortal.

How do you know though? If your parents hadn't been able to leave you anything and you had to scrimp for their funerals and other associated costs, it would exacerbate the grief and stress somewhat I would imagine. I'm not invalidating your experience either by the way - nothing can prepare you for the pain of losing a parent, I still have moments of overwhelming grief and it's been 11 years since my mum died and 3 since my dad did. But I am able to do that grieving in a comfortable home and have been able to pay privately for counselling thanks to the inheritance. So for that I feel fortunate, as many people lose their parents and don't get anything. Maybe soften the blow isn't the right phrase, but I know where the poster who posted that was coming from.

There are "lovely" parents who died leaving relatively nothing, and they are still sorely missed.

nobody has said that can’t be the case, have they?

But you haven't experiences the other way, so what do you really know? You know what's worse than your mother dying suddenly? Your mother dying suddenly and you not knowing how the fuck you're meant to afford thousands for a funeral, that's what's worse. What's worse than your dad dying? Your dad dying and you having to deal with his debts and people coming round looking for money.

Buying a sodding house would certainly soften the blow, a lot. You just don't get it.

I’m glad I’m not getting an inheritance. If ny parents had wealth they would give majority of it to their only son and forget us daughters.

I inherited £120k from an uncle. It helped. I wasn't that close to him. I realise that's the best kind of inheritance.

This thread is too annoying.

The basic misunderstanding of people who worshipped their parents and would give it all up to spend one more day in their company suggests they had a privilliaged upbringing with care and concern during their lifetime. An inheritance is a further extension of that care and love.

Some people never have that, just as the op was in care, some offspring are abused, neglected or brought up in poverty, life is just unfair.

Money brings freedom, not just after an inheritance but sometimes for the rest of your days, it can be the difference of a middle aged woman remaining in abuse or leaving with an independant financial benefit behind her.

Everything is a sliding scale, ammount of money, ammount of love and time but as others have suggested there are others in third world countries that have it much harder, there is always someone worse off.

Why not be appreciative of the fact you were loved whilst your parents were alive and you had the fortune to be left an inheritance. Yes it hurts to have you parents go early (I was teens) but be grateful that you were fortunate in other ways.

Yes it's shit op, the cards some people are dealt with at birth are an arduous journey, trying to get others to understand that can be equally hard.

The lack of understanding on this thread is incredible.

This has been quite a refreshing read. I always see people on here solemnly saying they wish they didn’t have their house but instead had a presumably immortal mother. It’s always struck me a peculiarly thick but I can never be bothered to engage with it. Glad to see some really clear posts about why this is utter nonsense.

Lost my mum in 3 weeks to AML, my Dad declined over his last years with dementia and heart failure. Would give back every penny of my inheritance to have them back for even a day.

I think the ‘I would rather have a fictionally immortal mother’ types either
a) think money = a cruise and holiday apartment in the Algarve rather than warmth and permanent shelter (because they’re well off themselves and they would spend it on a cruise) or
b) can’t separate the deaths as inheritance as two separate events, ie they think we are wishing death so we get inheritance, because one is a natural consequence of the other

its a ridiculous argument either way

For me, if money didn't help in times of loss, life insurance wouldn't be a thing.

Losing a parent is hard. Losing them and worrying about still getting into work in case you don't get paid or lose your job and therefore your home is harder.

As the provider in my family, I get this. No matter what happens, no matter how much I am struggling, no matter how tired or unhappy or stressed I am - I must work. When I lose a parent, I will have to grieve outside the hours of M-F, 9-6.

Amen to 'money brings freedom' - because it does. It allows for choices that you might otherwise never be able to make. Those choices are the gift.

I have somewhere to live, but I’d much rather have my mother than money. Is that thick?

Great point on the life insurance actually - I should cancel mine (which is huge as my spouse doesn’t work and we have a young child) on the basis I’d rather stay alive thanks.

It’s the same thing.

Yes. When my sibling died in extremely traumatic circumstances I had to be back at work after 10 days. I didn’t get chance to grieve. I also really really needed some therapy to help me to deal with it. Having some money would have meant I had choices.

have somewhere to live, but I’d much rather have my mother than money. Is that thick?

It’s thick to think that’s an option, yes.

Maybe I am cold, but in the unlikely event that
I am able to leave my child an inheritance, I would be absolutely pissed off if they would be willing to give up all my hard grafted money that I had been able to leave them, for just one more day with me.

I lost my mum as a small child. She didn’t leave me anything, but it’s like me saying I would give everything I have for one more day with her. Of course I wouldn’t.

If my dad has anything left when he dies that’s not swallowed up by the care home, I would be using it to improve my children’s lives, I’d be bloody thankful for it as quite frankly, we could use it. No way on Earth would I be saying i’d give it up for one more day with him.

In some universe where you could give it all back for one more day, there would be a lot of pissed off souls spending those 24 hours telling off their adult children for wasting their money.

You actually think that's what people are quite literally saying?

Given it isn’t a choice, yes. People don’t trade in their elderly relatives for money.