I'm jealous of people who get inheritances

[Barnabee]

Yeah I know you'll all pile on telling me I should expect nothing. But some people have lovely families who want to pass something forwards to help their children. I'll never have that.

@Tagliatellme I don’t know how that is offensive……

I’ve lost a number of people, some had made provision for their funeral arrangements. Others didn’t and it was stressful…..

It’s hard enough coping when somebody dies without having the added financial stress. It makes it more physically and psychologically demanding to cope with the bereavement in the initial days.

Lol. My mum died when I was 21, my dad died when I was 26. Neither of them passed on a pot of gold. What I did receive from them was priceless though. What they did pass on was responsibility, education, knowledge, strength, compassion, morals, ethics and love. They didn't give me a copper coin, yet I'm doing really well, and I achieved that with their help.

It's not an either or. Some of us have lost family and had no inheritance.

Yes of course I'd prefer my parents but yes I also get very angry about their lack of consideration/planning. It's as if some boomers set out to deliberately make your life even harder whereas my first thought is always what's best for my children.

Your entitled to feel as you do but inheritance comes at a huge price. I had a wonderful mother who my son will never know. Sure there's money but what's that compared to a loving relationship and memories.

I have a friend and it's all she goes on about. She says it all in gest but it's feels in such bad taste. She's been looking after her MIL's affairs since her FIL died and every time she spends big amounts of money she'll come to me and say "But what about the inheritance" totally distasteful.

I agree, saying money softens the blow is realistic, bot offensive.

*not offensive

I find this truly crass.

You are implying that the emotional loss of parents for someone left an inheritance is somehow different from the emotional loss for someone not left an inheritance. What on earth do you base that on?

Being jealous of those who have more than you may be fairly normal but it’s foolish to indulge it. If you’re posting on MN you’re almost certainly had access to education, a relatively stable civil society and health care. You are almost certainly financially better off than most people in the world.

If my parents back in the 1970's could see the financial situation DM who is in care, is in now, they would be so upset. They worked hard without inheriting anything from their families, to be able to purchase and pay off their first home.

I was always told it would be mine to inherit. Fast forward to today, and there is very little funds left from the sale of the property as its all gone to Mum's care cost.

I think in this day and age, very few people are inheriting much at all. If its not going to care costs, 2nd spouses are financially benefiting. In fact, thinking about that, I can say more of my friends have ''lost'' inheritances due to parent/s re-marrying than anything else.

Yes, I lost my mother as a young teen, lost father at seventeen, no inheritance, couldn't stay in the council home, had to live in a house with shared accomodation, no boyfriend, no jobs, available at that time, Maggie Thatcher and 3 million unemployed, got by on crisps and super noodles.

Crap, lonely, scary and hard but not as hard as you op in care, you have my sympathy.

Sometimes you can't afford the luxury of emotions when life is hard and you're striving to exist, I too would have loved my parents to have met my children but aknowledge that having an inheritance would have made my life easier at that time. Fortunately I am now in a possition to pass something on.

People have no idea of the poverty that some people endure and they endure it with the added disadvantage of losing parents, and the support that may bring.

You've had it tough op, a lot tougher than many of us could imagine, I understand your feelings.

We have already decided we are leaving nothing to anyone. We will spend as much as we can. Anything that does happen to be left will go to charity. It’s not my job or responsibility to reduce my spending or do without things I might want, when I’ve worked my whole adult life, so that the younger relatives can cash in.

The thing is, and I say this as someone who lost their parents very young, losing grandparents and parents is a totally normal thing to happen. It's inevitable. Yes, it's sad when it does happen but it's the natural order of things. You're going to experience it anyway. Depending on your age and circumstances, money will generally make the situation easier

I understand what you mean OP.
My husband and I will come into inheritance soon. Obviously we don’t want to at the moment as we do not want to lose my terminally ill mother in law.
I will maybe inherit when my dad dies split between 4 of us depending if his property gets swallowed up in caring costs.
My half -brother will never get any inheritance as mum has nothing to pass on, and his dad has already died with nothing to pass on. He is single and will probably remain so.
I am planning to give him some of my inheritance if I do ever get any. I think it is understandable he would feel envious of the fact we will have both suffered the same grief, but I end up more more comfortably off.

Sorry to rub it in op but yes it is lovely to get an inheritance.
It’s also true that not everyone who dies is a lovely person that we long to have back in our life. You only have to read the numerous threads on mumsnet to understand that.
So sometimes after years of caring for a foul person you actually see it as you hard earned reward.

I get you.
My DF died at 54 and then my DM was killed in a car accident at 69. I inherited a good amount, enough so we can retire at 55.
Of course I'd rather have my parents, I was 44 when I lost my DM leaving me no family in the county, in fact none I ever see any more. But the money does give me something to look forward to, my own health permitting, and ensures some 'compensation' (which I never pursued legally re the accident) comes out of a horrific time in my life.

I am lucky that I got an inheritance from my parents.
However I have been jealous a lot of times of people having their parents (mum specifically) to share time with, go on holidays together, to come to school or kids events, babysit etc. My mum died when my youngest was 1 and I feel really sad that he has no memories of her.

I understand you Op. My lovely old dad died last year and me and many three brothers will each receive about 65k. I've never really had money amd this is very welcome. I will have a holiday with my dcs to remember him. I feel very lucky indeed

My aunt is in a care home, her third year now. Her house, that she and my uncle spent a lifetime making into a beautiful home, has just been sold, and there is almost nothing left of the balance due to legal and care home fees.

My mum died suddenly last month. Devastating and horrendous to be dealing with due to the shock. But knowing that there is money in her estate to pay for the funeral, wake, solicitor, and eventually some small inheritance, has definitely softened the blow somewhat. It's not crass to say that. It is absolutely true that it doesn't take away the pain, or the grief, but it certainly is true that it does reduce the worry at such an awful time.

We have already decided we are leaving nothing to anyone. We will spend as much as we can. Anything that does happen to be left will go to charity. It’s not my job or responsibility to reduce my spending or do without things I might want, when I’ve worked my whole adult life, so that the younger relatives can cash in.

I am assuming you have no children?

My dad was the same.

Unfortunately, he had me later in life and I was just a small child when he was in his 50s (my much younger mum died when I was small).

So he spent my life “saving” for me for after he was dead to the detriment of my actual life. I had nothing, we did nothing. He worked and I sat at home on my own as a child never seeing another would weekends and school holidays, all while he worked to save. Never a penny enjoyed.

He’s in a care home now, every week I see another £1,200 leave his account and all I can think is all those years where I only had one change of clothes so I had to skive school on non uniform days, all those days of being alone and terrified in the house while he was at work and too scared to sleep when he was working nightshifts, all the bullying at school because I was unkempt and scruffy - it’s all for this? (No, I am not begrudging care home fees, I am just talking about my experience and no, I couldn’t look after him myself, I tried but he almost killed my family in an accident he caused because of his dementia).

I had it held over me for years that “this is what you’ll get when I die” and now there will be nothing. That was his reward to me for a shit life and it’s all going to be gone now anyway.

I would have preferred school uniform that fit to be honest.

What a misery you are. I don't think anyone expects older relatives to live a frugal life to preserve inheritance. But if there's anything left I'll be delighted that it will help my family.

My dad talks quite a lot about our inheritance, it's important to him. We lived in poverty growing up and it was incredibly hard. Things improved when he was no longer supporting 4 kids and he has quite a valuable house and a fair sum in savings now. I think he's trying to make up for our childhood by making sure we get a reasonable inheritance. There's no need obviously, but it matters to him.

This is exactly what the word ‘perpetuate’ means.