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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel an utter rage when people talk about wanting to feel nauseous?

126 replies

mrsb1401 · 15/05/2022 20:17

I like to think of myself as a fairly level headed person but AIBU to get an absolute seething rage when people in the early stages of pregnancy talk about having no symptoms and wanting to feel nauseous for reassurance?

For context, I am currently 22 weeks into hyperemesis and I can categorically say it's been the most physically and mentally challenging time of my life. I cannot fathom why anyone in their right mind would want to feel like this. Even for 'reassurance.' I just can't.

I suppose no one can truly know what it's like unless they've experienced it. But can we please stop wishing we felt sick. Trust me, you don't want this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

OP posts:
Searchfornessie · 15/05/2022 20:18

Ok then…

What is it with pregnant people this weekend not at all being able to things from anyone else’s point of view?

veronicagoldberg · 15/05/2022 20:19

Don't be daft! Just let people do their thing.

BalloonsAndWhistles · 15/05/2022 20:20

I’m in two minds about this actually. When I was pregnant, I didn’t feel nauseous and neither did I want to. However, I didn’t really feel anything and sometimes thought I was imagining it until my jeans got tight. Maybe some signs would have been good.

dottymac · 15/05/2022 20:20

I feel you. It is TRULY horrendous. People don't understand how it affects you though unless they've experienced it. Hope you feel better soon 🙏🤞💪

Peaplant20 · 15/05/2022 20:21

I don’t think they mean they want hyperemesis, just a little nausea for reassurance

Merryoldgoat · 15/05/2022 20:21

I’ve literally never heard anyone say that…

ivfbabymomma1 · 15/05/2022 20:21

People are saying they want to feel sick.... not have what you have which is terrible and I'm sorry your going through that. But I had an ivf pregnancy with no symptoms early on and it was a very mentally stressful time for me too

fUNNYfACE36 · 15/05/2022 20:21

I had hyperemesis 4 times, and was hospitalised for much of each pregnancy. The 5 th pregnancy I was so please not to feel ill until i had a scan at 10 weeks and a missed miscarriage was found. So yes YABU and dont know what you are talking about!

Horriblewoman · 15/05/2022 20:22

Alternative view. I was 7 weeks yesterday, with barely any symptoms apart from two days of heart burn, feeling like I wanted to be sick once while on a run but apart from that nothing. I wanted to feel pregnant so that I could connect with my body and notice changes. Of course I wasn't wishing for hyperemesis.

On Friday I had a miscarriage. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy either.

Conclusion: everyone has different experiences and perspectives. One doesn't trump the other.

TheKeatingFive · 15/05/2022 20:22

AIBU to get an absolute seething rage when people in the early stages of pregnancy talk about having no symptoms and wanting to feel nauseous for reassurance?

You can't take step back for just a second to consider why they might want that reassurance? Particularly those who had difficulty conceiving or previous losses? No?

A friend of mine went through HM and yes it's immensely tough, my sympathies. But you should be able to recognise that others have their own challenges that are different to yours.

Phrenologistsfinger · 15/05/2022 20:23

YABU! If you had had multiple miscarriages and were desperate for some kind of concrete sign your pregnancy was progressing and not dead inside you, then you would want to be nauseous too! Noone wants to feel sick of course not but losing a baby (once or more times) is one of the hardest most gut and heart wrenching grief you will ever experience. If you haven’t felt that, you truly have no idea. So YABU. Have some compassion and step out of your own misery for just one second. Or just say nothing if you cannot manage that. Some of us would love to have your problem.

Allywill · 15/05/2022 20:23

i lost my first baby fairly early on and didn’t have any morning sickness and yes the nausea the second time did give me some much needed reassurance. sorry you are having such a difficult time but i also wouldn’t wish losing a pregnancy on my worst enemy.

ZooMount · 15/05/2022 20:23

Because turning up to a 12 week scan to find that your baby has no heart beat and you had no idea is also not nice OP. This has happened to me twice btw and the first time I had to wait on a ward bed next to someone who was in hospital throwing up and I would have swapped with her in a fucking heartbeat.

Oysterbabe · 15/05/2022 20:23

It's a terribly anxious time for people with experience of miscarriage, desperate for any sign that things are OK. How about thinking beyond your own situation?

Zapx · 15/05/2022 20:24

Hmm. The old wives tales are strong with this though- feeling nauseous is (presumed! I have no idea if it’s true) meant to be an indicator for a healthier pregnancy. If you have had losses, can you not see that you would, in fact, want ANY sign of a healthy pregnancy? I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time.

Ithinkimightbebroken · 15/05/2022 20:24

I had hyperemesis twice to the point of hospitalisation which was one of the worst experiences of my life but strangely the nausea did make me reassured at the same time…

Hardbackwriter · 15/05/2022 20:24

I'm sorry you're so unwell. No one wants hyperemesis but yes, I did want to feel sick for reassurance when I was pregnant after three miscarriages. I had no symptoms despite being on progesterone, which is apparently unusual, and cried daily and was so anxious I couldn't speak about the pregnancy in public because I was so convinced my baby had died in me yet again. I was utterly, utterly astonished when he was born healthy. I might not have felt sick but I wouldn't say I was in an enviable position.

EncantoDaisies · 15/05/2022 20:25

I had HG in my first pregnancy and nothing in this one and actually even though the HG sucked it was reassuring.

Hugasauras · 15/05/2022 20:25

Pregnancy is a shitty, anxiety-ridden time for lots of people for different reasons. I don't think anyone would wish for hyperemesis and that's not what they're doing.

BetsHilton · 15/05/2022 20:25

YABVU

notasillysausage · 15/05/2022 20:28

Yes, yabu. My pregnancies I was sick everyday until baby was born from when my symptoms started. Apart from my first pregnancy when sickness stopped at 11weeks, I’d had a missed miscarriage. Every pregnancy after that I would be anxious until the nausea and sickness started.
Sorry you are feeling rubbish though, it isn’t easy.

AnuSTart · 15/05/2022 20:28

Well I'm just so happy for you that you got to go through early pregnancy not expecting a miscarriage. Congratulations.

Maybe tone your seething rage down a bit and accept that it may be because you're feeling shitty. Which I am sorry for.

Kendodd · 15/05/2022 20:29

I was exactly where you are years ago and I absolutely CAN see why someone would say that. Imagine you are desperate for a child and have suffered multiple miscarriages, you are now pregnant and have no symptoms. I'd take the sickness (and I have been there and hospitalised with it) over the stress and anxiety.

Gazelda · 15/05/2022 20:30

OP, I hope your pregnancy starts to get easier for you.

In the meantime, it might be a good idea to hide this thread because it's not going to make you feel better.

Best wishes. Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:31

It's heard to feel empathy when your head's down a toilet. I know what you mean. I've been there.

However, everyone is fighting their own battles and anxiety about a pregnancy is just as terrible as sickness.

I hope you feel better soon.