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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel an utter rage when people talk about wanting to feel nauseous?

126 replies

mrsb1401 · 15/05/2022 20:17

I like to think of myself as a fairly level headed person but AIBU to get an absolute seething rage when people in the early stages of pregnancy talk about having no symptoms and wanting to feel nauseous for reassurance?

For context, I am currently 22 weeks into hyperemesis and I can categorically say it's been the most physically and mentally challenging time of my life. I cannot fathom why anyone in their right mind would want to feel like this. Even for 'reassurance.' I just can't.

I suppose no one can truly know what it's like unless they've experienced it. But can we please stop wishing we felt sick. Trust me, you don't want this. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

OP posts:

flyingdream · 15/05/2022 20:54

I know what you mean I had hg in both pregnancies all throughout the 39/40 weeks. I lost 2 teeth due to the constant vomiting and acid exposure on my teeth.
I immediately start bawling my eyes out and want the ground to swallow me up as soon as I feel any nausea outside of pregnancy (after experiencing hg). It was so bad. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I can see it from the other side. I had another pregnancy where I had a miscarriage at 6-7 weeks. I had nausea for a few days and it wasn't too bad. But then it suddenly disappeared and I knew something was wrong like I didn't feel pregnant anymore.

AllYouCanEatBrestaurant · 15/05/2022 20:55

I didn't have HG, I can't imagine what that is like for you @mrsb1401

But I was sick, a lot. Generally only a mouthful at a time, sometimes more when the smell or food was too much. And it was from 4 weeks until I gave birth, with both of my children.

But as we do when pregnant, we search for others in the same situation, and while I was vomming others had nothing and it scared them that things weren't progressing as they should. I don't think anyone would wish HG on themselves but maybe they would like a sign from their body of the 'usual' pregnancy symptoms. Especially in the early days.

As a side note, I had 3 miscarriages and I wasn't sick with any of them. The sickness was horrid but at the time it gave me reassurance that all was well with babe.

byebyeyaya · 15/05/2022 20:55

So I think the pile on can probably stop now. The point has been absolutely drilled home.

Hope you feel better soon op.

BellePeppa · 15/05/2022 20:57

Apparently feeling nauseous in the early stages of pregnancy is a good thing in as much it’s meant to signify things are going as they should. I’m not sure how true that is. I felt horribly sick for the first three months of both my pregnancies and it was horrible.

namechange30455 · 15/05/2022 20:57

Is no one allowed to say they wish they could lose weight because some people are anorexic?

No-one is wishing for hyperemesis.

ShaneTwane · 15/05/2022 20:58

Yabu. No one wants extreme sickness, just a little nausea so it feels real. I didn't have any symptoms for the 12 weeks I was pregnant and then Mc and still feel a hollow empty feeling as if it never happened. If I'm ever lucky enough to get pregnant again I hope for a little something so I can process it. I'm sorry you are so unwell but your experience is nothing like others and there's not like yours.

Vicktorius · 15/05/2022 20:58

My best friend had several miscarriages before she had her son. For each miscarriage, she had no symptoms. With her son, she was throwing up.

So yes, I was scared and wanted that reassurance of symptoms when I was pregnant. I also developed HG, but I would still rather that than go through a miscarriage.

YAB massively U and very short sighted and self centred.

diamondpony80 · 15/05/2022 21:02

Never heard a single person say this to be honest. Even if I did though, seething rage? Seems a bit much. I would find it impossible to feel emotions like this over something so trivial.

donchafeellikecrying · 15/05/2022 21:04

Have you ever lost a baby in pregnancy OP? Given your post I'd bet you haven't.
I lost 7 and I can tell you in the early weeks of each one I was desperate to have morning sickness as everyone I knew who got to actually take their babies home from hospital had morning sickness and I didn't.

VestaTilley · 15/05/2022 21:05

YANBU. I had bad morning sickness until 18 weeks - it was horrendous, and obviously nowhere near as bad as HG.

And as to the person who used the phrase “pregnant people” - you may wish to be aware that the horror that is pregnancy and childbirth only happens to women.

jamoncrumpets · 15/05/2022 21:06

I still haven't processed how much HG robbed me of during my pregnancies. All joy. All excitement. It was hell. And I did it twice. Never again.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:08

I do have to say that if I had HG I’d probably feel seething rage about most things as it sounds totally awful, hoping you come out the other side asap.

scegliere · 15/05/2022 21:09

YABU... People normally say this because they've had a miscarriage or struggled to conceive and are scared they've lost the baby. When I got pregnant after my miscarriage, I was desperate to feel nauseous just as a reassurance that I was indeed still pregnant, as I didn't feel nauseous with the first one, because it was a missed miscarriage.

Livpool · 15/05/2022 21:09

@Hardbackwriter fair enough. I have also had a miscarriage.

In OP's defence though - HG made me feel tremendous rage

MasterPretender · 15/05/2022 21:09

I honestly don't think most posters are 'piling' on the OP. Most of us have given a measured response having experienced both sides.

Goldijobsandthe3bears · 15/05/2022 21:10

jamoncrumpets · 15/05/2022 21:06

I still haven't processed how much HG robbed me of during my pregnancies. All joy. All excitement. It was hell. And I did it twice. Never again.

I’m not surprised 💐

jamoncrumpets · 15/05/2022 21:10

People with HG have miscarriages too...

missypissy · 15/05/2022 21:11

if someone wants to feel a little bit sick for reassurance I get that. I don’t think anyone is asking for hyperemesis though are they? Like I’m sure no one has actually insinuated you’re lucky?

i hope you feel better soon what a grim thing to experience!!

WonderingWanda · 15/05/2022 21:12

Sorry to hear you have been feeling so sick op but I suspect people whonsay they want some symptoms don't want what you've got.

I can totally sympathise with people who say they want some symptoms. I had a missed mc with my first pregnancy and was so terrified after that any symptom was reassuring...even though i agree nausea is grim and in my non pregnant right mind I would do anything to avoid it.

ShaneTwane · 15/05/2022 21:14

jamoncrumpets · 15/05/2022 21:10

People with HG have miscarriages too...

And? What's that got to do with the price of fish?

No one here is wishing for HG. Everyone has acknowledged how awful that must be and not something anyone wants. People are reacting to the ops use of her extreme rage towards people who want minor nausea after pregnancy loss to help reassure them.

GoldenOmber · 15/05/2022 21:15

jamoncrumpets · 15/05/2022 21:10

People with HG have miscarriages too...

yes. In my first full-term pregnancy I remember wanting to slap people who told me “it’s actually a GOOD sign if you’re feeling sick!”, because it hadn’t been for me before.

(In retrospect they were only trying to be helpful though and I’m glad I didn’t actually slap anyone…)

Grapes89 · 15/05/2022 21:20

After a long drawn out miscarriage with no symptoms in that pregnancy I was relieved to have sickness in this one. I had awful HG until around where you are now which was both the worst I’ve ever felt and very reassuring. I’d take it again over what I experienced with my first pregnancy.

Hope you feel better soon but it’s fine for others to want typical pregnancy symptoms for reassurance. I wouldn’t wish HG on anybody though and unless experienced I’m not sure people can be expected to know how miserable it is!

stuntbubbles · 15/05/2022 21:22

VestaTilley · 15/05/2022 21:05

YANBU. I had bad morning sickness until 18 weeks - it was horrendous, and obviously nowhere near as bad as HG.

And as to the person who used the phrase “pregnant people” - you may wish to be aware that the horror that is pregnancy and childbirth only happens to women.

And women are people.

NoGoodUsernamee · 15/05/2022 21:24

YABU. 🙄

Kay1111 · 15/05/2022 21:24

I guess your fortunate enough to have never miscarried or had a still born then!!

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