No photos of new house

[beetuljoos]

DP and I are in the process of renovating our home. Huge job, big changes, lots of effort involved. Very proud of the result. DP is absolutely adamant I cannot put any photos of it on my private instagram account (maybe 200 followers, all people I know). I want to share a few snapshots of it. I don't mean constantly, but share a before/after of a finished room once we complete one perhaps. Is he right?

I think it's weird of him to try to ban you from sharing before and after photos. Who cares if someone knows what it looks like in a newly renovated room? It's not as though his underwear were strewn across the floor or the bed was freshly rumpled from a love-making session. 🙄It seems rather precious of him, imo.

I'd be annoyed but agree to a compromise, namely that you'll share some of the rooms but keep others "private".

That’s some really insular, nihilistic thinking you’ve got going on there. Are you okay?

Theres thousands of people out there in the world that I’m interested in knowing more about, who’s lives and triumphs I want to be a part of, or learn more about. There are billions of people on the planet doing amazing, heroic, creative and wonderful things with their time every single day, my life would be very, very small if I was only interested in people directly related to me or in my immediate friends.

There's nothing on TV!

Not judgemental at all, the fact that you think it is says more about you than me.

Sharing stuff for feedback from others is absolutely seeking external validation, there’s nothing wrong with that, as you say everyone is different and some people aren’t fussed about it. There are some who would view that perspective negatively or not understand it. Fair enough.

Certainly not an attempt at virtue signalling.

Sharing stuff for feedback from others is absolutely seeking external validation,

I'm not sure that's the case, actually - I think you've made two quite big logical leaps there.

The first is that sharing is motivated by specifically seeking
feedback, the second that even if they're motivated by feedback that it's specifically a need for external validation that's the motivator.

Looking for likes and positive comments may be a motivator for some but I'm not sure it's a universal. I've seen quite a few people using social media primarily to chart their own progress on something and to give updates to those who've asked (and specifically filter for this). Maybe, just maybe, some people don't give a shit whether other people like it or not, they just want to share because they love it and they're proud of it.

Is the act of sharing always motivated by a desire for validation? It's an interesting philosophical question but I'm not sure that your assumption is backed up by facts.

Is sharing a passion with friends and acquaintances driven by a need for external validation? Or is it just aesthetic interests?

Irrespective of context I’m generally on the side of the people striving to share less on social media than the ones who want to do it more.

He’s a bit odd isn’t he?

DH doesn't have any social media, I wouldn't dream of asking, or telling him, what I post on mine.

I post cakes and art mainly, no point doing something spectacular if the only person seeing it is the creator eh? I would post before and after pics of interior rooms, especially if I had created something myself.

Sharing stuff for feedback from others is absolutely seeking external validation, there’s nothing wrong with that, as you say everyone is different and some people aren’t fussed about it.

So when you share updates and pictures of your kids with family you’re only seeking external validation that granny thinks your kids are cute enough or successful enough?

Or maybe you just like sharing with them because you’re proud of your kids and you know your family is interested in hearing about them? Pictures of renovations and house insta accounts are the same thing but just much less personal than photos of children. To be honest I prefer them to family accounts.

My friend's just done up a very ordinary bungalow and she put updates online. I loved watching it because she's done such a fab transformation. I think she gave the house its own FB page. If these are just your friends, the they already know where you live so I don't understand,what's private about it? If they're not interested, they wouldn't look, surely? I think his reaction is weird.

Or maybe you just like sharing with them because you’re proud of your kids and you know your family is interested in hearing about them?

That’s literally what external validation is.

He sounds jolly

No. Not based on this, anyway.
This is an odd post, though...

That’s literally what external validation is.

It literally isn't.

Sharing photographs of something that brings you joy and pride with other people who you know share your joy and pride in that same thing - be it child, house, hobby, whatever - is not synonymous with seeking approval and acceptance from others for your individual feelings and actions.

Is everything you share with others really all about you and what you get from it, or are you also thinking about what the other person may get from it? For me it's the latter, whether it's social media, sharing pictures of my kids with my parents, making food to share with others, talking to friends about my interests. I accept it may be different for others,

I’m glad someone else can see this, I thought I was losing the plot 😂

@ineedsun @PrincessRamone

You are correct. It's definitely external validation when you're sticking photos of yourself, your kids, your house, your creations etc etc all over fakebook and instagroan. The cringy people who do this usually dish out a side order of hunning and saying how much they wubz their hubz!

I think he’s right. It’s just showing off.

I would compromise and send a few before and after to family and close friends on whatsap . I can understand his reluctance to post on SM

Speak for yourself!

I like seeing renovations as they progress.

I don't 'do' any SM. (Unless you count MN, which I don't).

It's not 'showing off'. Grow up.

What the hell else do people share on social media except this kind of stuff??

Kids, houses, things you’ve done/days out/holidays/your general opinion on the world etc - that’s literally exactly what social media is full of and what millions of people use it for every single day.

I’d find it much more normal to see these kind of pics on social media so people can decide if they’re interested in looking than being sent them direct.

So you’re not interested in tv, films, the news?

Most people have a much wider interest in the world than their own immediate family, god I’d be bored to tears if that’s all I had to interest me!

And it’s really quite hard to ram Instagram/any social media posts down anyones throats unless you forcibly make them create an account, follow you, sign in and scroll through them which would be utterly ridiculous 😆

Would I post pics? No
would I care if my partner did? No
would I respect my partner’s request not to post pictures of our home on social media without hesitation? Yes