Shall I just give up breastfeeding ? Traffic post

[isitmeorzzz]

My baby is almost 3 weeks old.

I've had quite the journey with feeding her. Starting with sore / bleeding nipples and the wrong latch. I have sought lots of advice from midwives and lactation consultant's consultants during this time.

We worked out the latch was too shallow and have worked on positioning etc. The latch is now OK most of the time. I think possibly 80 percent gold latch and 20 percent bad latch. Where she slips a bit etc. or sometimes she won't open her mouth wide enough for me to get a deep latch.

In any case, I feed her for hours and hours and she hardly ever just settles after. Sometimes she does, but rarely. I top her up with formula after most feeds and it seems like she wants more and more formula now.

Occasionally she settles after having fed on the breast, but those times are few and far between. She falls asleep after breastfeeding and as long as I hold her, she'll continue to sleep. As soon as I want to put her down, she starts rooting again.

Anyway I'm getting to the point where she's having 400 or so ml of formula a day and I'm thinking why am I even spending all this time feeding her if she's basically a formula fed baby anyway ? What's the point ? I have a two year old and she's really suffering, as I can't play much with her and I'm constantly sitting feeding the baby. I can't get anything done etc around the house and it's just really hard.

What's the point ? Has anyone been in this situation ? If at least she was exclusively fed, I would carry on. But she's starting to need more and more formula. What is the point? It's really impacting my home life and toddler very badly at this point.

If breastfeeding is particularly important to you then keep going but if it’s not then absolutely just give up! There is no shame in it.

In your position I'd definitely give up, but only you can decided whether you want to.

I would like to continue, but can't see it improving.

If anyone has any advice, I'm happy to take it on board.

We are starting to think she's doing it for comfort and jus likes to be on my breast and bring held.

Feeding for hours is normal at this stage, as is wanting to be in your arms all the time.

If you want to continue BF I would suggest doing all you can (physically and mentally) to free yourself up so you don't feel overstretched. Then you can simply sit/lie about BF (and watching tv, chatting, reading etc).

It will improve. Have a look at some bf websites such as la leche league for info and support, and reassurance this is normal.

If you really want to continue you could try a sling you can bf in so you can still move around.

If your on fb breastfeeding younger babies is a really great supportive group.

But ultimately if it's not working, there is no shame in switching to formula. I am very pro bfing but sometimes what's best for the majority isn't best for the individual.

Bottle feed

Do you not think that seeing as so much formula is being consumed, it's going to be hard to come back from that now ? It's so demoralising feeding the baby all day and STILL needing to top up all geh time.

Ideally I wound continue. I've been trying to use a sling, it's a bit difficult. I need to do some more research as I think those stretchy slings are easier to breastfeed them in. I have a proper baby carrier, but may need to invest in one of the stretchy slings.

I think at this point you have four choices:

Switch fully to formula, let go of the guilt and enjoy your baby and older child. (I say this kindly, formula fed babies can also be happy, healthy babies- one of mine was exclusively FF from birth).

Stop/cut massively down on the formula, commit to BF, get more help with it, let her feed as much as she needs to to re-up your supply (it will have dropped a lot if she’s having that much formula). BUT this will take a huge amount of time and effort and is probably not practical with a new born.

Formula feed during the day, offer a dummy for when she’s just wanting comfort, and keep breast feeding when it doesn’t impact your toddler, ie early morning, nighttime and during the night, topping up if needs be.

Get a good pump and express feeds, see how much you’re getting and feed baby from the bottle using a combination of expressed milk and formula, depending how much you’re producing. Maybe use a dummy for in between feeds.

Honestly OP, do what works for YOU. I wish I’d had the confidence to stop BF my eldest and introduce formula earlier than I did (nearly 4 weeks) because BF was just awful for us. Second baby exclusively FF, currently pregnant with 3rd and plan to combination feed with expressing and formula and a bit of direct feeding if it works. Good luck.

I would and I did, and it was a game changer for me.

Sorry, should say option number two maybe not practical with a toddler.

I was adamant I wanted to bf this time. Lasted a grand total of 4 days before I reached for the formula. Dd was so distressed. I was in pain and hadn't slept in days. Dd lost nearly 10% of her birth weight and narrowly avoided having to go back into hospital. It really wasn't worth it for us.

I did try to express for a few more weeks but even that took up way too much time and energy. It took me away from my other dc and I became overly fixated on when and how much I was pumping instead of just enjoying my baby.

If bf is really important to you then carry on. But ask yourself why. And weigh up the pros and cons for your lifestyle and family. It really isn't the be all and end all. I cried buckets and felt a real failure when I stopped but ultimately I have a happier baby and I feel better too. It took a few weeks to get over it but with the benefit of hindsight I know I made the right choice.

I wish bf had worked for us but it doesn't come easily to everyone.

If you want to co ntinue to breast feeding you need to reduce the formula top ups and also pump when she's getting a bottle to build your supply. If you don't want to continue dbreast feeding then you don't have too, but you will never make enough to sustain your baby I'd you continue to top her up.

This crazy cluster feed stage will pass. Why are you topping up? If her weight gain is fine you can reduce them and concentrate on latch (which can often improve as they get bigger) and allow your supply to match her demand.

Once feeding is established you'll find it gets much easier and there's a golden time of breastfeeding around 4 months where the benefits of no bottles can really show.

As for combining with a 2 year old - I had to do that.

First I fed and put cartoons on for him. Sometimes I'd feed while reading to him or playing.

If daddy was at home he was 100% focused on the toddler. Toddler also still went to nursery 2 days a week which was good for all of us.

I explained to toddler what I was doing and tbh he's basically forgotten his sister being a baby now. He doesn't even remember her being born.

I do agree with this post, but as OP has a 2 year old to consider she can’t just sit around all day watching tv whilst letting baby cluster feed, like you can with your first child.
I’d consider carrying on mixed feeding OP as breastfeeding is likely to get easier in a few weeks time and carry on getting easier. If you don’t feel you can though then baby will fine on formula I’m sure.
She’s had all your colostrum and weeks of your milk which will benefit her in terms of her immune system. I’m sure she’ll thrive on formula just like millions of other babies do. You have to think about what’s best for your whole family.

If breastfeeding is particularly important to you then keep going but if it’s not then absolutely just give up! There is no shame in it

this.

however constant feeding at 3 weeks is entirely normal.
Formula may be detrimental to bf, it’s likely that it’s more of an “instant hit” for her, less work and she can drink large volumes more quickly, so she’s learning to wait for the bottle.

if you really want to bf I’d try to drop the top ups and feed, feed, feed some more.
You may need to plan around the toddler, i used to feed, walk to library/soft play/park or whatever, sit and feed while the toddle played, walk home, feed while toddler napped, etc etc..

or learn ti feed in a sling so you can move about hands free.

We are starting to think she's doing it for comfort and jus likes to be on my breast and bring held.

there will be an element of this, but also she’ll be gearing up for that 4 week growth spurt and the “comfort feeding” will be stimulating your supply, so is absolutely necessary.

ultimately do what suits you best.
Bf is very time consuming and hard work. It is doable with a toddler, but takes a bit of planning.

I’d get an SNS, give the formula at the breast and save time. Though honestly my youngest was just difficult like this, well fed (on breast and formula) but wanting held a lot. Many days, the 2yo played, watched TV and I fed and held the baby. Sometimes I’d stuff her in the sling and get out or get something done, lasted about four months.
Im not certain formula feeding only will solve your problem if you have that type of baby

But do you just let them cry ? Say you've fed them on and off for 5 hours straight ? My husband thinks it's cruel. She's starving and that I'm being cruel

Agree about reducing the formula. It is do able, it is early days. I would speak to a supportive, knowledgeable midwife, the la leche league helpline or another breastfeeding support service, for advice on how to do it.

At around 3 weeks I changed my DD1 from expressed milk and some formula to BF. I can't remember exactly how we did it, but I do remember panicking she wouldn't be ok, but she was. I ended up BF her for nearly 3y!

I think with a toddler as well it's hard. All the advice about establishing breastfeeding tells you to expect to feed for hours with your feet up on the settee watching telly, but what about the other child? Even with the perfect hands-on partner who takes them 24/7, the toddler will still miss their mum.

Currently expecting my 2nd, due when DD1 is 21 months. Really want to breastfeed but not sure how it's going to work if new baby wants to cluster feed.

You should feel no shame at all if you decide to switch fully to formula. If you really want to continue with breastmilk you could try what I did with DD1 who never got the hang of direct breastfeeding and pump. She was exclusively fed breastmilk from a bottle for four months and basically it means 15 minutes on the pump 6-7 times a day, do around 1.5 to 2 hours a day, plus the time actually feeding the milk to the baby. Up to you I guess whether that's quicker than what you do now.

Perfectly normal for baby to want to be on the breast, in the first 6 weeks they are establishing your supply so need to send lots of signals to the boob to keep making milk.

That said, I'm afraid the formula top ups are what is known as a top up trap in early weeks - your breasts work on supply and demand this early on so they work to replace the milk the baby has removed. If the baby is having formula, the breasts won't make that milk, leading to supply going down, hungry baby, mum gives more formula, supply goes down even lower, etc - that's why it's a circle/trap.

If you want to carry on, what I would suggest you do is first, get baby back on breast as much as possible. Second, get a sling so you get some hands free time for your other DC. Babies in their first few weeks/months are pretty much un-put-down-able in my experience! Mine lived in the sling in the first 10 weeks and it was quite blissful really, she would wake up for a boob and a little look around and back into the sling she went. Maybe look up sling library if you have nearby so they can help you fit one (stretchies are best for this age!)

Good luck 💓

It isnt cruel. Your baby is communicating with you and you are responding to her. You are learning about each other, he needs to let you do that.
If she is producing wet nappies and starting to gain weight she is not starving. She's just letting you know something, probably that she loves being in your arms and on your breast.

You will basically just be feeding all day long with a 3 week old baby.
Set expectations, they aren’t going to go hours in between feeds regularly. I think my baby fed got 40 minutes at a time every 2 hours at that age, so really only an hour max in between by the time you’ve actually fed and burped.
If you want to switch to formula then just do it, but if you want to stick with it then don’t too up with formula multiple times a day after a BF. You will just produce less milk, this the cycle continues.
I liked combi feeding, if you want to BF but need more of a break maybe pick a feed a day your partner can do with a bottle instead.

Lots of the rooting can also be comfort, there’s nothing wrong with a dummy. If you know baby has been fed then pop a dummy in and relax a bit.

Interesting everyone is just saying to ' drop the formula '. The lactation consultant said I should not do this if the baby seems hungry and it needs to be a very slow process.

I've also had people tell me it's absolutely not normal for the baby to feed constantly and they should be able to go around an hour to two hours without feeding.

@isitmeorzzz It’s really tough. Did you see my post? Please don’t feel pressured into dropping all the formula if you don’t feel it’s the right thing for your baby, you or your toddler.