Shall I just give up breastfeeding ? Traffic post

[isitmeorzzz]

My baby is almost 3 weeks old.

I've had quite the journey with feeding her. Starting with sore / bleeding nipples and the wrong latch. I have sought lots of advice from midwives and lactation consultant's consultants during this time.

We worked out the latch was too shallow and have worked on positioning etc. The latch is now OK most of the time. I think possibly 80 percent gold latch and 20 percent bad latch. Where she slips a bit etc. or sometimes she won't open her mouth wide enough for me to get a deep latch.

In any case, I feed her for hours and hours and she hardly ever just settles after. Sometimes she does, but rarely. I top her up with formula after most feeds and it seems like she wants more and more formula now.

Occasionally she settles after having fed on the breast, but those times are few and far between. She falls asleep after breastfeeding and as long as I hold her, she'll continue to sleep. As soon as I want to put her down, she starts rooting again.

Anyway I'm getting to the point where she's having 400 or so ml of formula a day and I'm thinking why am I even spending all this time feeding her if she's basically a formula fed baby anyway ? What's the point ? I have a two year old and she's really suffering, as I can't play much with her and I'm constantly sitting feeding the baby. I can't get anything done etc around the house and it's just really hard.

What's the point ? Has anyone been in this situation ? If at least she was exclusively fed, I would carry on. But she's starting to need more and more formula. What is the point? It's really impacting my home life and toddler very badly at this point.

Definitely drop the formula gradually (if you want to do that). You can express (or use suction pumps) to help you build up your supply back up quicker.

At that age, baby stomach is a size of an egg, of course it needs filling up little and often!

I do pump every time she has formula/

I just find it ridiculous that it's taking up all of my day and it's still not enough. I don't understand that.

I'd try to keep giving some breastmilk to boost baby's immunity.

When you give her formula, try pumping to boost your supply and then gradually switch.

So if your giving say 4 ff feeds a day, replace 1 with breast and pump while she has the other 3. Then in a 3/4 days once your body has adjusted to the extra milk production drop another ff feed. So 2 ff feeds a day while you pump. Then again a few days later drop another.

You can try and drop all ff feeds at once but it does take a few days for your body to adjust. So you would have a few days of baby latched literally all day. If you're going to do that, do it at the weekend when you have DH around or ask someone for help with the toddler.

Thanks !

This behaviour is really hard but really normal. I learnt the hard way - I was you. I had a newborn who literally wanted to be on the boob all the time and would only sleep if I was holding him next to it. If I put him down he’d scream and root within minutes. We too gave a few top ups and I was heartbroken when he’d neck a bottle of EBM or formula. We had a tongue tie cut with very limited improvement. I also gave up dairy and soya with zero improvement.

I spoke to a truly wonderful midwife who was also a IBCLC who stripped it right back to basics. If they gaining weight along their centile (or more) and producing wet and dirty nappies they are having enough breast milk. Breastfeeding is incredibly comforting and babies like to do it not just for the calorific value of milk - it helps them relax, feel safe and sleep. Wanting to be on or right next to the boob all the time is normal, feeding every 3 hours and being put down to sleep in between happens for some, but not many.

You must do whatever suits your family and if that’s formula feeding then please don’t look back. But if you want to stick with BF, these behaviours will pass. Try and sling or a dummy between feeds - didn’t work for my DS, but lots have success on here. Good luck

How long does it take until it's more normal ? Baby is latched on all day. I literally can't do anything else. My toddler is watching Peppa pig all day.

Can't put baby in a sling, hates it at the moment. Has to be latched on or held. I will fall alseep with her in my arms at this rate. Is this really what people do to breastfeed ? It seems dangerous to me. Or maybe I'm just some weakling. But I don't understand how you can feed a baby all day / have it latched on all day and all night and still function and not fall asleep ?

Op has the lactation consultant confirmed baby doesn't have a tongue or lip tie? My first had and like yours was on and off me all day long, couldn't put her down.

I have four children. My second one was tricky to feed. Best decision I have made for him so far was to bottle feed him. I decided to let the guilt go and just enjoy him. I bloody well loved being a Mum again after I made that decision. I got to play with my pre schooler and go out again and go for walks and do stuff abs had more energy to enjoy him. I’m not saying that you should bottle feed but for me it was the best decision and I didn’t regret it. I had d regretted not being able to feed my first but the situation was different. I’ve fed my third and fourth easily. Some babies are just a lot easier to feed. Either way whatever you decide just be kind to yourself xxxx

I've had a few people check for tongue tie and it doesn't seem to be an issue.

Switch to bottle. Seriously. I wish someone had told me to do it but instead I got the guilt trip and preserved even though it wasn't working for me or my baby!

I co slept a few times with my youngest because of this.

My eldest also watched a lot of telly in those early weeks. Do they go to nursery or preschool? If not see if you can send them for a bit or send them to a grandparent / friend.

By about 6 weeks it calms down loads but will likely get another cluster feed at around 8 weeks and 12 weeks.

So really you're half way there now.

A wrap sling was also a godsend for my youngest. It was amazing. I had a structured sling with my eldest which I hated.

If I were you I’d stop.
I breast fed for 18 months and I found it soo hard! My boy didn’t take a bottle until he was 8 months and we didn’t give much formula anyway as he just wanted me. Same as your situation he fed loads for quite a few months, like ALL the time and I was exhausted! He slept terribly and still does at 3.5! He woke for milk and then fell asleep on boob and wouldn’t settle without me.
IMO if yours is having that much formula and you’re still finding it really hard, there’s no pressure to continue!

My first was exactly like this - constant feeding. Baby 2 wasn't. Dd1 wouldn't touch a dummy or bottle either.

My recollection is that if you can get to 6 weeks, the constant feeding will likely settle. Can you arrange any more support for someone to help with the toddler?

No shame in bottle feeding whatsoever - but I wonder if it will help that much if it's a comfort thing?

You need to do one or the other. Look up ‘the bottle feeding trap’.
Breastfed babies do feed a lot and at a lot smaller intervals. Some days they can cluster feed for hours. Formula is a heavier and fills them up for longer.
Do what you want to do and make a decision that you will be happy with.

It’s OK if it isn’t working for you. I didn’t feel comfortable dropping formula with DD as she had been readmitted to hospital due to losing too much weight. Pumping to build up supply is awful and so draining. If I have a second, I won’t go near a breast pump and if I have to pump for supply I will instantly switch to formula feeding. The constant cycle of breastfeeding, topping up and pumping was just too much (and I didn’t have a toddler either). I think it gets to the point where you are neglecting yourself, you aren’t eating enough, drinking enough or getting enough sleep. When you get to this state, it’s even harder to produce enough breast milk.

I stopped at 5 weeks. I had a day where I didn’t breastfeed (due to what we were doing) and the next day I just felt dread at having to go back to feeding my child. I dropped breastfeeding that day and just went exclusively to formula.

She's also now started throwing up a lot/ or spitting up rather.

She'll feed literally on and off for 5 hours, still be hungry- then she'll chug 90 ml of formula and throw up. I used to give her 30 ml and it was enough, but then she started rooting around and crying after that so I started giving her more a few days ago. But not she's really spitting up a lot. She spits up after the feeds and then also an hour later. She just doesn't seem to be feeling too good. But I'm finding it difficult to settle her any way. Something is off. I wonder how much she's actually getting from me.

I can’t tell you what to do OP but I can say that a baby feeding almost all day really is normal for some babys.

My DS was around the 40th percentile when he was born. He was ALWAYS on the boob for the first few months I think he could maybe go 45 minutes max without it during the day and perhaps a few hours in the night.

By the time he was 3 months he became a 98th percentile baby! As he’s got older he’s learnt to go longer between feeds, he also got a lot faster at drinking as he got older.

If I have a second, I won’t go near a breast pump and if I have to pump for supply I will instantly switch to formula feeding. The constant cycle of breastfeeding, topping up and pumping was just too much (and I didn’t have a toddler either)

this. And honestly I think pumping is a waste of time if you’re trying to breastfeed. The logic seems to be pump to increase supply, yet it’s a well known fact that babies are far more effective at stimulating supply and some women just can’t pump.

so why do we put women on these exhausting feed/pump/bottle/feed schedules, when the best way to increase supply is to feed the baby more. You spend so much time pissing around pumping and feeding from a bottle the baby actually gets less time on the breast.

Also I think an important part of breastfeeding is just comfort, just because she wants to be on the breast doesn’t mean she’s hungry but that’s okay, baby’s naturally want to be close to us and they like to suck!

Pumping sucks !! I tried to pump with my first, because she literally completely refused to stay on my breast because I never built up any kind of supply, as we gave her formula on her first day on earth ( as suggested by midwives ). We didn't know better and this time I vowed not to do the same. I didn't and I'm doing so much better this time as the baby is actually spending a lot of time on my breasts. But it just doesn't ever seem enough.

See, everyone I've talked to in real life has said it's not normal ! And that after an hour of feeding or so, baby should be ok not being on the breast for a bit. Maybe another hour. It doesn't happen in our case.

you can easily continue to combination feed until your in a better routine /latch better /not exhausting.
just keep an overnight feed ( between 12-3am to get your supply going!) and maybe a morning feed?
then as you both get into a better rhythm-you can start adding in more feeds less formula
my baby was 80/20 formula/breast as he was tied and didnt latch without the fiddly nipple shields ( have you tried them? People dont like them but tgey saved out feeding journey!) 4 months this went on.
was brave to start offering breast first then formula-got thr HV to visit weekly so we knew weight was fine.
then baby was weaning. Dropped formula completely!

Babies cluster feed. I remember one week where the baby was on me 24/7 it felt!
people are well meaning and distressed to see US in distress. Thats how i choose to look at it.

do whats best for you both. Baby willbe grand either way.
hugs!

You probably know what you want to do in your gut OP so go with that. I was never interested in breastfeeding so I didn’t do it. FWIW my baby has been FF since day 1 and I have no qualms at all about doing it again if I have a second.