2weeks after we split they're now 'friends' on Facebook?

[Bagoshite]

I split up with my ex partner less than a fortnight ago. We'd been together nearly 10 years.

3 years ago he started fucking this awful woman he met on a no strings sex site. She contacted me after he finished it with her (it had gone on for months). We blocked her on everything, she then contacted us through fake accounts and other numbers, harassed both of us (mainly me) to the point where we had to threaten police. Eventually we got back together. No contact since. Or so I thought.

We had a row on the Bank holiday weekend. He told me he'd been in contact with her. Then tried to backtrack and say she messaged him. I walked out, and although we spoke a couple of days later (where he ranted at me like a madman) we're over. I can't forgive him being in contact with her again. He insists there's nothing in it, she's a friend and she has a boyfriend (means nothing, she's had sex with 100s of men, goes to swinging parties etc). But that doesn't matter to me. She's not his friend and he shouldn't have been messaging her while in a relationship with me.

He contacted me last week with copies of the messages, asking me to reconsider - I said it still changed nothing, and that we were over from the time he sent the first message back to her. That he'd thrown away our futures, everything we've built over the past decade. That was all on him. Anything else we could have worked through but this was the one thing that meant we were over for good.

Anyway I was informed today that Ex and this vile woman are now FB 'friends'. Literally days after he was asking me to forgive him. I feel even more disappointed in him than I already was. It does confirm I made the right decision but why would you do that? I thought better of him I really did, but wanting to have anything to do with such a fucking fruit loop just shows he's exactly as thick as she is. It makes a complete mockery of everything we had. I'm annoyed with him for valuing get we had so little and this is just further evidence of that.

I can't even cry about it. I'm still too angry and disappointed.

Oh dear - you’re right, your self esteem is in tip top condition! It doesn’t matter that YOU think you were the best thing in his life, he clearly didn’t.

I couldn't take him back after this.

I knew after what had happened that if there was ever any contact with her again of any kind, that would be it. Obviously I hoped that wouldn't happen. Tbh I expected her to try and contact him, because she was pretty open about thinking our relationship was shit and that she and he were a better match. But I believed he valued us, and me giving him a second chance, enough to simply ignore and block her again.

People are being dicks here.

in so sorry you have been so hurt. No matter your choices in the relationship you aren’t to blame for his behaviour, and you have every right to feel hurt and angry.

I totally understand @Bagoshite and as for people being nasty- hindsight's an amazing thing-and sadly none of us are blessed with predicting the future!

If you are ever tempted to take him back, remember that 3 years ago he didn’t just happen to give in to an opportunity that crossed his path, he actively went seeking an affair. He signed up to a website and pursued it. That’s very different to someone working closely with a person for years and feelings growing. He went behind your back with disregard and deception. He’s disgusting and not the man you thought you knew. I have no idea why he’s done it as he’s thrown away everything but he clearly didn’t value you the way he thought you did

So is he going to end up with her do you think? It’s that his game plan? Even though she has been with all those guys? He’s obviously into the seedy sex side

I don't think he's intending to end up with her, he had the chance to do so 3 years ago, she made it very clear that was what she wanted, it was why she told me (even though he'd finished with her at that point). But she's not relationship material. I'd actually be quite worried about his safety if he had a relationship with her, she thrives on drama and conflict.

To be brutally honest I expect he sees her as a source of available, easy sex. He also has no friends really.

Run away as fast as you can. Once they start on sex sites, they've lost respect for you and themselves. X

Nice.

Ignore the perfect posters OP. I feel for you. Why did she message you?

I think you are very brave op I hope your broken heart heals in time ❤️

Yes, I felt he'd lost respect for himself 3 years ago when it happened. He is not that kind of man, or he wasn't. He's not even particularly interested in sex. If he was one of those men always pestering for sex, insisting on it daily I would have been less surprised, but he's never been like that. When I met him he'd never had a one night stand, he'd only ever had sex with people he was dating or in a relationship with.

I also said that contacting her again showed no respect not only for us, but also himself. The fact he could gloss over her past behaviour. Harassing someone while their parent is dying is despicable as far as I'm concerned. His mum, god rest her, would be appalled I'm sure.

There’s nothing wrong with giving him a second chance, anyone can make one mistake. But the fact that he took your second chance and spat on it tells you everything you need to know. It doesn’t matter that he’s friends with her. It’s irrelevant that he’s being an idiot. The only important thing is that you were absolutely right to walk away from this and you need to hold on to that.

I hope you’re ok.

She messaged me 3 years ago after he ended things between them. She felt I needed to know. She then shared a lot of unnecessarily graphic detail. She made out that she despised him and was telling me to 'be kind' but I found out later that at the same time she was contacting him telling him that she would wait for him, knew he didn't want to end it with her really, blah blah.

There are few people that revolt me, but she is one.

Thank you, I don't feel very brave to be honest. I just feel empty.

I had a whole future life that I was looking forward to. I'm actually terrified for what lies ahead. I fear being on my own for the next 30 years or however long I've got. I've been on my own one way and another most of my adult life and its shit.

But then the thought of starting another relationship makes me feel physically sick. So I'm not sure where that leaves me really.

Why are you being such an arse?

Victim blaming.

The thought of starting another relationship makes you sick NOW. Give yourself a break. You’ve had a huge shock. You need at least 6 months of grieving and self soothing and probably weekly therapy with someone skilled in PTSD to even get to the stage of being healed enough to date again. If you go cold Turkey and throw yourself into your recovery only engaging in healthy practice eg not speaking to him or watching their social media then you stand a good chance of being in a healthy relationship this time next year with no regrets

I'm certainly in no rush to get into another relationship. I feel quite disappointed by and distrustful of men generally.

I know I won't always feel quite as I do now, but right now that feels a long way off.

Its awful but at least this new FB issue spares you any lingering doubts.

He's well and truly burned that boat forever. You can walk away and never look back.

Yes, I'm glad I know they are FB friends. Bridges very much burned. My parents always said to me that knowledge is power. In this case, it means that if he does contact me in weeks or months to come, I'll know truly how little he valued everything we had. Which I did already, but this cements it.

All the judgey “you deserve it you took him back” people really irritate me but PLEASE don’t make the same mistake again.
happened to me , boyfriend text a woman while we were on a break I cannot forgive that … he’s cried every day down the phone for the last 3 weeks , his family ringing me telling me he can’t cope . Was almost going to text him as felt bad , then I looked on his Twitter and he’s messaging women. Clearly very keen to get back together 🙄

He tried to paint this as me being controlling. I'm the least controlling person I know. He could have been messaging anyone else the same inconsequential stuff and I wouldn't have cared. But messaging that woman was something I couldn't tolerate. Once I knew it had to be the end. No more chances.

Your rage and disrespect for this woman is misplaced.

The same man has played you both equally. He is the one who should revolt you.

At the end of the day there's clearly many redeeming features about her or he wouldn't have ruined your relationship over her.

Feeling better now @MissMaple82 ?
All glowing with the warmth of judgemental smuggery?

You wouldn't dare to speak to OP like this in real life. Your sort are all mouth & no trousers. I imagine your own life must be either horrible or deadly dull to get satisfaction out of the goady posting style you so frequently adopt here, so I'll just pity you from afar, & hope you find a more positive way of living soon.

My disrespect for her isn't misplaced at all. What respect or consideration has she ever shown for me? Zero. She did what she did to me out of jealousy and spite.

So I'm not going to gloss over it. He did what he did. There was no need for her to gleefully stick the knife in, to the point where I had to threaten her with the police.

And in case anyone wants to tell me that he'd promised her the earth, he hadn't, and she admitted that. He told her he'd never leave me but she decided she would change his mind. Don't forget she met him on a sex site, where she was shagging a different man most nights of the week, none of whom were single. If she wanted a boyfriend, she was fishing in the wrong pool.