To comment on a child’s size

[Psa4today]

To ask you honestly if you’d comment on a child’s size, and to ask you to stop

PSA for today.

If you see a child/ toddler or baby you deem to be small, please keep your mouth closed about it. Stop saying to parents ‘oh he or she is tiny’ ‘don’t they eat’ ‘ they’re diddy/ a dot or whatever synonym for small enters your mind. Just don’t do it.

also if you see a child you deem to be too big, don’t comment.

you have NO idea how much your words are hurting parents. You have NO idea why that child so that size and what obstacles they are facing. There are a millions reasons from prematurity, growth restriction, heart conditions, Dwarfism, genetic condition, growth hormone deficiency, rss and severe allergies that make children small and a million more that make them big from thyroid issues to PWS. Every day is a fight for these parents. Don’t make it worse with the need to comment. If you must say something, say ‘they’re lovely’.

i see daily the pain these comments inflict on parents and the children who hear them. if this is you, No excuses, don’t hide behind good intentions. Just stop . All you’re doing in pointing out how different that child looks. Please if this is you, stop

psa over

As a mother of a small 4 year old boy I understand.

Someone asked me if he was 2 the other day followed by”Oh he’s small isn’t he?!”

I laughed it off on the outside but I just wanted to cry on the inside 😢

Because of ransoms always asking me how old my daughter is I now lie and say she 2 instead of 3. That's my way of coping with it, but it shouldn't have to be.
You might want to consider the effect on your daughter to hear you say that.

MN is full of rants and hills to die on. This is mine. That is a primary focus, counselling, especially for parents of children who have life altering genetic conditions.

But it's not your hill is it. You are talking on behalf of other parents. You don't live it. This approach, commendable in intent, isn't the most supportive to help these parents.
It is generally better if people keep their comments about other people's children's appearance to themselves, however, in no reality is that ever going to happen. So those parents need to develop responses to people who do make comments.

you never know when you may unintentionally cause upset

Ah well, there's this true story. Shows that simply commenting on clothing turns out to be "unacceptable comments on appearance" too. And maybe commenting on behaviour too. I don't know if I caused upset either, tbh, the parents had a 'reputation' for being thick-skinned, anyway.

We were very new to town/school on day DC1 started reception. At time, DD was a quite short for age, almost 3yo. A boy in the playground was in school playground & obviously shorter than DD. He was quite exhuberant, with body language that fit 2-3yo. I said something to DD about how cute it was that he had dressed up to match outfit of an older sibling starting school.

Turns out tiny boy was 4yo & starting school. Parent gossip (small town) was that there was no known reason for the lad's short stature, he just seemed to be on a different growth curve than others. Left school in yr3 or yr4, I sometimes wonder how his height turned out.

No matter what children will pick up on differences and how they differ to their peers. If parents make a big thing about their height or whatever else then that is what will rub off on the child most.

you can’t control what other people say and do, you can control how you respond to things though. Don’t let your child pick up on negative emotions.

Don't worry. I don't do it when she's in ear shot. This is usually in the park when she's running around away from me.

Thanks for only picking that part of my post out to respond to though 🤦‍♀️

If an adult made a personal remark about a child's height - "Ooh, aren't you tiny!" and the child, sick of comments about their height, responded with "Ooh, aren't you fat!" - knowing exactly what they were saying - would the child be expected to apologise or could it be viewed as tit for tat?