To comment on a child’s size

[Psa4today]

To ask you honestly if you’d comment on a child’s size, and to ask you to stop

PSA for today.

If you see a child/ toddler or baby you deem to be small, please keep your mouth closed about it. Stop saying to parents ‘oh he or she is tiny’ ‘don’t they eat’ ‘ they’re diddy/ a dot or whatever synonym for small enters your mind. Just don’t do it.

also if you see a child you deem to be too big, don’t comment.

you have NO idea how much your words are hurting parents. You have NO idea why that child so that size and what obstacles they are facing. There are a millions reasons from prematurity, growth restriction, heart conditions, Dwarfism, genetic condition, growth hormone deficiency, rss and severe allergies that make children small and a million more that make them big from thyroid issues to PWS. Every day is a fight for these parents. Don’t make it worse with the need to comment. If you must say something, say ‘they’re lovely’.

i see daily the pain these comments inflict on parents and the children who hear them. if this is you, No excuses, don’t hide behind good intentions. Just stop . All you’re doing in pointing out how different that child looks. Please if this is you, stop

psa over

Same here. My 2 year old DD gets told most days by people how tiny she is, while her brother gets 'oh aren't you so tall?' It's never bothered me, as both statements are true, but she's recently started walking around saying 'I'm big, I'm strong', so I wonder if actually it does affect her slightly.

@Psa4today I do try to educate people about my kids complex issues though, I'm in a research role and have qualifications and experience I guess so get on and do that

I completely agree, I have a preemie!! She's 3 now and still tiny, and people comment all the time, her weight was a huge issue for us when she was a baby, it kept us in hospital, and we were always back and forth to have her weighed and she wasn't gaining any, she was under a dietician for a while, it was such a stressful time for us.

I 100% know it's never meant with any malice, and most people don't know our back story, but it does take me straight back to those days!

I’m sure she will in time, but she’s on a journey, the beginning of her journey and receipt of a diagnosis. Understandably all she wants/wanted was her child to fit in. She’ll get there. It’s that poem Holland to a T, if you’ve ever read it. It takes time.
Believe me, I know, and I know the poem.
In many ways, I agree that commenting about another child's appearance is generally best avoided.
However, it's a fantasy to believe that it won't happen. So she is the one who needs to deal with this, and not let the comments stay with her for life.

Yanbu.

Please read mine… it’s not affecting me. My children are grown up and ‘average’ size.

they are sure, but as it’s widely accepted that it can be hurtful to ask people when and if they are having kids, this is the same.

"we should reevaluate out throw away comments as you never know, even though the intention is innocent, it could (not definitely will) cause a lot of hurt for that person that day"

I would never intentionally say something to cause hurt or offence, and would be mortified if I unintentionally did so. BUT. if we have to live by your logic nobody's ever going to be able to open their mouths again! The onus is not just on the innocent speaker to think very carefully before making small talk, (am I allowed to say small talk on this subject? ) But also on the recipient to take things in the spirit they are meant! I can't control anyone else's feelings/ reactions.

Personally i never care when people comment on my baby's size - she was a preemie so tiny for ages but i never minded telling people that

I was obsessed by my baby (pfb much) and her size so it only seemed natural to me that others would be too 😂

My daughter was small at birth and still is. People called her (and still so) diddy/little dot etc. I wasn't offended because guess what? It's not offensive. It's a term of endearment.

Calling your child fat I could understand, but not small.

That’s great you can and you’ve got the skills and savoir faire to give a good explanation, not everyone does and I imagine for some it might knock the wind out of them or be hard constantly feeling like they ‘have to explain’ etc.

true in a sense but I really do liken it to the questions around having kids, innocuous but to the wrong person hurtful and there are so many other things you can say about a child

@Psa4today I have read your comments and I don't agree with you. I'm ethnic minority and I have afro carribean hair type... lots of people comment and ask questions. This is merely one example I don't let it affect me because I would never leave the house other wise.

What I'm saying is people will always comment about something... if it's not a child's height or size. It will be something else.... Come on OP let's not be pedantic.

That’s ok you don’t have to agree with me but surely you can see for some people passing comment on how their child’s size could be upsetting, especially if they are dealing with some quite complex issues in the background?

@Psa4today I have considered you view point right from the start. Have you considered mine? Where did I tell you I can't see? I think what your expecting is bordering unrealistic that's what I can see tbh. People comment on things all the time. Let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

I think you might be projecting a bit here- the comments you mention are standard throwaway/small talk comments said about every baby under 6 months on the planet (unless said baby is visibly huge). At 12 weeks she is new and will be fussed over when out in public as is common for all newborn babies.

Complimenting her on holding her head up well is just that- it’s nothing to do with the size of your baby.

I had all these comments with mine and they were massive babies. Please try not to read too much into it.

Every single day someone tells me my babys a little chonk. The baby IS. It doesnt bother me ?

yes I have and I’ve said repeatedly it’s not my issue but I’ll die on this hill.

i don’t think you and I will ever think alike

I will say though that a chunky baby is often seen as a good thing though, a baby ‘thriving’ whereas small babies often not so much. If it was a child being called chubby then that’s obviously less complimentary.

The comment about the head is likely because people think your child is younger than she is - and they're surprised by her neck strength. Nothing to do with thinking that "because she's not massive she won't be able to do anything." 🙄

I guess it depends on what side your DC sits on.

I don’t comment on small DC my DS is very tall and stocky he was born off the scale, he's a head over the majority in his class, comments about his size don't bother me.

DD was tiny, she's still very slim again because she's a girl I didn’t find comments annoying.

There is a girl in the class whose inches taller than DS.

Thank you. My daughter is underweight and short for her age. Always has been. She is aware of her small size as well especially since kids in school point it out from time to time, which she hates. I don't think they mean it maliciously but kids just don't have a filter.

Adult should though. Where is your freaking filter? Do they think she can't hear? Do they think she can't understand? Do they think it doesn't make a difference to her? Do they think she finds it it cutr just as they do? I just don't get why they need to comment? You'd never tell anogher adult that they are tiny. Why tell a child?

I never know what to respond that lets my daughter know that she's perfectly fine. I usually just say "no she's just fine / right " but then I don't want her to think that tjerrs anything wrong with being tiny either.

Uggh uggh and triple ughh.. what makes it worse is that most adults don't mean it in a nasty way either so I don't want to call them out on it or make them feel bad..but just uggh. 😥

Kids don't like being called small. To many adults small kids seem to appear cute but on the playground it's a disadvantage and it's used as a taunt. My daughter hates that she's so small. To her it's not a term of endearment but a reminder of how she's disadvantaged.

Agreed. I end up floundering around for reasons why too, most of which are untrue!

People called her (and still so) diddy/little dot etc. I wasn't offended because guess what? It's not offensive. It's a term of endearment

I think this thread shows that one person's term of endearment is another person's unwanted observation.

My view is that it's more what the child thinks, rather than the parent. I wasn't keen on comments about my appearance as a kid, but I didn't feel able to say so to those well-meaning adults. My mum probably shrugged it off as well.

OP I hear you and agree.