To comment on a child’s size

[Psa4today]

To ask you honestly if you’d comment on a child’s size, and to ask you to stop

PSA for today.

If you see a child/ toddler or baby you deem to be small, please keep your mouth closed about it. Stop saying to parents ‘oh he or she is tiny’ ‘don’t they eat’ ‘ they’re diddy/ a dot or whatever synonym for small enters your mind. Just don’t do it.

also if you see a child you deem to be too big, don’t comment.

you have NO idea how much your words are hurting parents. You have NO idea why that child so that size and what obstacles they are facing. There are a millions reasons from prematurity, growth restriction, heart conditions, Dwarfism, genetic condition, growth hormone deficiency, rss and severe allergies that make children small and a million more that make them big from thyroid issues to PWS. Every day is a fight for these parents. Don’t make it worse with the need to comment. If you must say something, say ‘they’re lovely’.

i see daily the pain these comments inflict on parents and the children who hear them. if this is you, No excuses, don’t hide behind good intentions. Just stop . All you’re doing in pointing out how different that child looks. Please if this is you, stop

psa over

Absolutely depends on context. DS has always been huge, although is slimming out a bit now I think. People who would say "God he's huge! Did you have diabetes?/what are you feeding him?!" Would piss me off. People who say "aw you're sturdy!/ I love a big baby! /aw look at them gorgeous chubby legs!" Are absolutely welcome. My baby is beautiful exactly as he is. I want you to see who he is and think he's amazing for that. Not pretend you don't see who he is. "I don't see size." 🙄

My baby has IUGR and at 5 months old is fitting into newborn size - she’s under 0.4 centile. Everyone says she’s so small etc but I think most people say that about most babies! It’s rude to ask why and that’s rude but you’ve got to realise the vast majority of people are saying it to make conversation and are just being nice.

The amount of people trying to pick a fight on some of the groups I’m on is embarrassing. Honestly, they need to grow up and set an example to their children of how to brush off a comment or redirect a conversation into how you want it to go. I think your example of remembering for life is just ridiculous. Not a single small/little/premature/what’s wrong with the baby comment will stick with me as much as the racist woman who was commenting on my baby in (obviously) a very nasty way.

I think you care way too much about what other people say.

Who cares. If you and your family are happy what the hell does it matter. I find threads like this exhausting.

Thank you OP!!! This post means so much to me x

Besides, this 'words hurt' bs regarding innocuous comments related to stuff that should go in ear and out the other, I mean, don't you just sometimes think, "I don't need to care about this".

People need to toughen the fuck up. Mention anything and some people start crying. We've turned into utter namby-pambies.

This is completely unnecessary!

Don't be a dick.
When you hear these comments every single day in relation to your child it gets harder to deal with. Comment on something else about the child, if you have to comment at all.

Because of ransoms always asking me how old my daughter is I now lie and say she 2 instead of 3. That's my way of coping with it, but it shouldn't have to be.

I have a relative who always comments on dd’s size. Dd has dyspraxia and up until a year ago had what you might call puppy fat I guess. Relative always made comments and her dgd who is the same age as my dd is extremely sporty and skinny and relative would constantly compare them. It didn’t help matters thst dd was bullied and weight comments factored in to this. I had to hide the scales because she started weighing herself at 8 years old! Thankfully that has ceased.
now that puberty has started dd has lost her puppy fat and has a slim figure. Relative hadn’t seen her in close to a year and it was the first thing she mentioned when she saw dd again!

it is so hurtful, people do so much damage with their words.

When you hear these comments every single day in relation to your child it gets harder to deal with.

Where do you live for this to happen?!

I live in London and people don't comment on other peoples kids at all around here and I know a lot of mums!

Posts telling everybody to do or not do something really fuck me off even if I already do or don't do whatever they are ordering us all to do or not do.

Get over yourself!

Not just children. Don’t comment full stop about another person’s size. They know what size they are and your comment is inappropriate.

More than a little OTT!

Ok the words very tall lady and her tall 18mth year old who was the size of my 2 and half year old. Haven't left me Mice don't make Elephants and the same vein from my neighbour Shetland ponies make shetland ponies.

I'm short, DH is short, our kids are short.
Why would anyone get upset or cry about the fact? Good things come in small packages.

Perhaps then you are blessed. Some people do have to care about their children size for a variety of different reasons.

I do agree to an extent that people just forget how small newborns are, even when they have babies of their own, largely because they grow so quickly and it’s hard to conceive that a 5 ft something adult was once a 7lb little thing.

its great that you don’t mind comments about your iugr little ones size, but I’m sure you’ve seen on any iugr support groups (if you’re a member that is) that those comments are deeply upsetting for a lot of parents. I know of a lot of iugr moms that feel a lot of guilt and blame themselves, they shouldn’t be they do.

i don’t think you or I get to call anyone ridiculous even if it’s something we wouldn’t be upset about ourselves. That woman had been through a lot and it had deeply affected her and manifested in pnd and pna.

Because you’re referring to genetics, I’m referring to people who have genetic conditions or a ‘pathological’ reason that is effecting their size either way

I think there's a real risk with these sorts of "rules" about never commenting on x or y that people will stop commenting at all or showing an interest in babies. They will be scared of offending and they will avoid making any sort of acknowledgement. And that will be hugely detrimental to parents and society as a whole.

it’s not the job of parents of children who have complex health issues to educate bystanders on a regular basis, can you imagine how exhausting that would be.

agree. But, it’s also not their job to be constantly emotionally overwrought as you are making out!

One of mine was/still is incredibly small due to numerous health issues, tube fed etc. At 1yo they were in size 000. It really wasn’t a surprise to me when people pointed out they were small - uhm, no shit Sherlock. Nothing to get distressed over though. Just ignore really. Or, if someone goes on just have a bit of fun with it - tell them they are 5yo and starting school on Monday. They will then assume you are batshit and leave you alone. Job done.

Maybe instead of coming on here and blathering on, try and encourage some resilience in these parents. Fact is, it doesn’t end when kids are babies so instead of thinking your words on an Internet forum are going to change the world (they are not), so far better encouraging resilience, counselling, professional help etc if they are struggling.

We obviously encourage counselling to parents as it’s especially important to not be visibly shaken as the children will pick up on it. But it’s predominantly the children who are in time impacted by these words, obviously the parents are too but ultimately it’s the children. That’s the point it doesn’t end when they’re babies, kids have to hear these comments all the time and internalise them.

this post is just a little reminder that for some ‘oh god they’re so small/ huge’ isn’t as innocuous as you might think.

You are overly sensitive.
People are just stating the obvious when they point out a baby is little or big

My kid was a monster big fat baby and people always said something about it. Which makes sense. As he was massive. What else where they suppose to say? Oh youe baby has such a nice personality? Haha..

You,as an adult,do the same thing..we all judge and say and ask things. This is just part of life . Just grow a bit of backbone op.

I agree. I really don't like this.
I'm currently pregnant and don't like when people comment 'oh isn't your bump tiny'. They might think it's a compliment but instead it makes me worry and question if the baby is ok - (baby is ok).

I also spoke with DP and said I don't want us to announce babies weight when born. I don't mind telling people if they ask. But it seems the 'norm' to be the first thing to announce when they're born and it doesn't really sit right with me.

I've had an eating disorder in the past so I'm aware this may play into it as well.
So much focus goes on body weight, shape and size!
And I think it's inappropriate to comment on it as it can have such a negative impact

I think it would be a nicer world to live in if people didn’t feel the need to comment on other peoples appearance.

oh dear you’ve not read my posts, doesn’t apply to me, kids are average sized adults now and I can’t recall many if any comments on their size.

whilst I work on my backbone maybe you should work on your compassion and just stop commenting on people’s size. Just say they’re lovely

our society values big chubby babies as a mark of good health and thriving and sadly smaller babies are viewed as the opposite. So your chubby baby comments no doubt gave you a sense of pride, I’m not sure that’s comparable to a baby that’s 7lb at 6 months because they have a genetic condition.

Here here I

My ds is tiny. He is always getting teased for it at school. One day he turned around and said small people live longer than tall people. They school didn't do anything to stop the teasing, if he had been calling out the fat kids in his class (and there are loads) he would have been in trouble.