Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the dog ex buys to live with me?

84 replies

Tampoli · 14/05/2022 18:50

DS is 17 in a few months, since he was very young he's wanted a dog and he now seems responsible to look after one. My ex has mentioned buying a dog for his main present which I could do but he's also said that the dog will live with me and DS full time as he works full time and I only work part time but I do also have a 3 year old to look after.

Aibu to not want the dog to live with me?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 14/05/2022 18:51

No. If he wants to buy a dog, it needs to be with him.

He can’t burden you with a dog you don’t want

Aprilx · 14/05/2022 18:51

There is no reasonable / unreasonable about this. If you don’t want a dog in your house then you don’t have a dog in your house.

carefullycourageous · 14/05/2022 18:52

Yanbu, just say no.

Your ex is being a twat.

Your ds can get a dog when he moves out.

worraliberty · 14/05/2022 18:53

I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this?

No-one should be giving dogs as teenage birthday presents. Or any birthday presents for that matter.

Lets just say the dog lives to be 14 years old. Do you really think your almost 17 year old will still have it when he's 31?

AmandaHoldensLips · 14/05/2022 18:54

Absolutely not, and tell him in no uncertain terms that any dog will not live with you. Tell your DS too (if he knows about a possible dog gift) so that it can't be forced on you as "ruining his surprise dog".

Soubriquet · 14/05/2022 18:56

worraliberty · 14/05/2022 18:53

I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this?

No-one should be giving dogs as teenage birthday presents. Or any birthday presents for that matter.

Lets just say the dog lives to be 14 years old. Do you really think your almost 17 year old will still have it when he's 31?

I would and did

I had a dog I bought home from work as a foster. My mum convinced my dad to let me buy him which I did. I had to pay for everything for him which I did. He would come to work with me some days too.

When I moved out, he came with me. When he was put to sleep, I did that too.

There’s no reason why he might not do the same. But that’s not the point.

The point is OP doesn’t want a dog in the house. That’s it

worraliberty · 14/05/2022 18:59

There’s no reason why he might not do the same. But that’s not the point.

There are plenty of reasons why he might not do the same.

He might decide to go to University, or travelling or anything really. As an almost 17 year old, there's every chance that right now he doesn't understand how much the responsibility might hold him back.

blondieminx · 14/05/2022 19:00

YANBU.

I assume his unreasonable ideas are one of many reasons he’s your ex!

Astrak · 14/05/2022 19:00

Animals shouldn't be given as presents, unless ther are people available to ensure its" /their welfare at all times.
It sounds as this won't be the case here. Animals aren't toys. Dogs can live >14 years old. Don't be complicit in animal neglect

Cakecakecheese · 14/05/2022 19:01

No you are not being unreasonable. You can't buy a dog to live in someone else's house without their express permission!

2bazookas · 14/05/2022 19:04

Depending on breed, dogs live for between 10 and 15 years.
In only 2 or 3 years DS will be wanting to leave home/go to uni/get a job and he won't be able to take the dog with him.

So unless you want to have sole charge of that dog IN YOUR HOME for at least another decade, say no and mean it.

LisaSimpson77 · 14/05/2022 19:09

Dogs shouldn't ever be bought as presents in my opinion.
They're living creatures not goods to be passed around.
Also, a family should only really be getting a dog if they're all on board and can provide a stable, long-term home for the dog.
So, getting a dog as a gift for a teenager who will probably move on within the next few years, is a terrible idea.

GarlicGnocchi · 14/05/2022 19:10

Of course you're not. Your ex just wants to be the hero buying the dog. Then leave you with the hard work and vets bills. There's no way your son is going to want a dog holding him back from travelling, career choices, nights out.

GarlicGnocchi · 14/05/2022 19:11

It's like if you turned up with some random bloke and dropped them off at your ex's and said here you go a new family member pay their private medical fees byeee.

Ihatethenewlook · 14/05/2022 19:17

17 is a ridiculous age to get a dog. What’s going to happen when he goes to uni and/or moves out? Do you get stuck with the dog for the next decade and a half? Or does he take the dog which will then get dragged around where ever he’s living at at the time? He’ll be lucky to find somewhere to live being that young and with a dog. Do you think a teenager/young adult would appreciate this responsibility when this should be a fairly carefree time of his life? If you want to buy a child a dog you get them one when they’re small enough to grow up with it, and time it so it doesn’t last years after they’ve left. The time for him to get a dog now would be when he’s settled in his own place, and he knows his future lifestyle will suit one. This wouldn’t be fair on you or him, and certainly not the dog!

Neverreturntoathread · 14/05/2022 19:18

Nope. Unless you are seriously expert with dogs (and probably not even then) dogs are not safe around toddlers. They’re born biting things and have to be trained not to.

Your ex just wants you to do all the work with training and poo and night wakings (a puppy wakes more than a human baby!) while he looks like Mr Hero for buying the dog.

The simple truth is that DS cannot have a dog unless and until HE is in a position ot look after it.

Tell ex the dog cannot live with you.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 14/05/2022 19:19

Presumably your 17 yr old has ambitions to move out of your home before he’s 30. It is NOT easy to rent a property in this country if you are a dog owner. This is not a sensible time in his life for him to become a dog owner and you don’t want to be a dog owner.

And, tbh, a household with a 3 year old, is not a good match for a puppy. A 3 year old is too young to follow the important rules of dog training and could easily put themselves at risk by unwittingly upsetting an immature dog.

Be firm. It’s not just the right thing to do for you but also for your toddler, the dog and your ds. You might look like the bad guy temporarily now but it’s nothing like as bad as it would be if you had to insist that you couldn’t keep his dog for him later.

And dogs are expensive. 17 year olds can’t afford dog food, pet insurance, vet bills…..

HandshakesInTheHamptons · 14/05/2022 19:20

That’s a ridiculous idea. You get a dog when life is stable and likely to remain stable. Your sons life will likely change hugely in the next few years, going out more, drinking, relationships, travel, university if he is going, career, travel for work, holidays with friends etc. The care may fall to you or the poor dog will need rehoming. Stupid idea.

Jellybean23 · 14/05/2022 19:22

Around our way, there are many dogs but I don't see any teenagers taking them for walks.
Naturally your son will be happy to have the puppy but the novelty soon wains and you'll be lumbered with house training, clearing up mess, walking it in all weathers, paying for it's food and lugging it home with the shopping, be tied if you want to go out all day, paying for kennels for holidays, paying vet fees. Hopefully it won't bark/destroy the house when you go out.

Can you honestly see you son doing all of the above?

Trivester · 14/05/2022 19:24

It’s a terrible idea. It would be much wiser for your ds to wait a few more years until he is settled. The next few years are among the least predictable, most exciting and not a time to be tied down.

If you wanted a dog, that would be a different matter.

Your ds is not emotionally mature enough to know why a dog is not a good idea at this point.

Your ex isn’t responsible enough to be a dog owner judging by this harebrained plan.

You’re the only clear sighted adult in this situation so put your foot down hard.

frogleap · 14/05/2022 19:26

Your ex is a moron.

AngelinaFibres · 14/05/2022 19:29

My friends DIL persuaded her parents to let her have a dog when she was 16. They had other dogs already. She went to uni at 18. No place for a dog in any student flats/ houses for the 3 years. None of the houses she lived in after graduation accepted pets of any kind and ,as they both worked fulltime it would have been cruel anyway. They have managed to buy their first house this year but the dog is old now and its not fair to take her away from the other family dogs . Her parents have done 100% of the care and borne 100% of the cost. They absolutely love dogs and have never had a dog free house so it's no problem to them. If you don't want a dog Op you need to be absolutely firm. You will end up looking after it for years and years and years. Poorly dogs cost an absolute fortune in vets bills.

ittakes2 · 14/05/2022 19:49

I'm a bit confused - your son has wanted a dog since he was very young and now you think he is responsible you don't want him to have one because he lives with you full time and that would mean you would have a dog full time? Your ex paying for the dog is a red herring - this is about your son owning a dog while living in your house.

Nevergoingtobemrsjones · 14/05/2022 19:51

My lot where desperate for a dog-I just couldn’t do it
6 kids,worked odd hours,couldn’t afford it and many other reasons
they grew up,moved out and the older 3 have all got a dog each and it’s 100% on them
I dog sit (and enjoy it) but full time?
not a chance

MadMadMadamMim · 14/05/2022 19:59

Nope. Many years ago my ex bought a hamster for one of the DC for their birthday as a surprise and brought it round in the morning. Child was delighted.

I, however, was not. I have a rodent phobia, child was about 6 and I knew damn well who'd been cleaning the ruddy thing out and dealing with it. As ex went to leave I reminded him to take his hamster with him - DC will love to see it at weekends when they are at your house. He was really annoyed, but I stood firm.

I'm not housing a pet I haven't agreed to and don't want.