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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the dog ex buys to live with me?

84 replies

Tampoli · 14/05/2022 18:50

DS is 17 in a few months, since he was very young he's wanted a dog and he now seems responsible to look after one. My ex has mentioned buying a dog for his main present which I could do but he's also said that the dog will live with me and DS full time as he works full time and I only work part time but I do also have a 3 year old to look after.

Aibu to not want the dog to live with me?

OP posts:
dailymumbles · 15/05/2022 08:08

Cost alone would be a no from me. Vets fees are astronomical. Out of hours vets fees are worse. Cost us £500 for some eye drops from out of hours and £2000 when the dog picked up a frog and the toxic slime on it caused her to fit. Insurance doesn't cover emergency care. I'm not getting another dog when we lose this one. It's not affordable.

Isaidnoalready · 15/05/2022 08:13

Happened to my neighbour within 12 months she sold the dog to my family member she couldn't cope and teenager was doing feck all except throwing a ball occasionally he kept escaping and running all over the estate then the vet bill came in and out went the dog

oakleaffy · 15/05/2022 08:16

@Tampoli
No.
Please don’t think your son at 17 will look after a dog.
He won’t.
SIL gave in to pester power, bought a dog of a grossly unsuitable breed, the Teenagers she has haven’t kept their side of bargain to walk the dog, train it, and pick up the poo.
A lot of poo picking is required with a dog.
Plus vet’s bills..

My son did have a dog, but only because I knew it would be my responsibility to walk and care for him.
If your Ex wants a dog at his place, that’s different.

LollyGrabbing · 15/05/2022 08:19

How can he seem responsible enough for a dog now? Where will he be in two years? Either studying or working full time. Where will the dog be then? How much is a dog walker or doggy daycare?

How is he going to find some where to live with a dog? Does he have a deposit ready for his own home as renting with a dog can be difficult.

babyjellyfish · 15/05/2022 08:28

The 17 year old son is a red herring really because children don't own dogs, adults do.

Your son is nearly an adult, so if in a couple of years' time he's moved out and he lives somewhere he can have a dog and has a job which allows him to take care of one, he can get a dog then.

Obviously if he plans to go to uni or go travelling, or if he's renting and can't find a place which accepts dogs, that won't happen for a while longer.

But until he's in that sort of place in his life, the dog belongs to the adult it lives with full time, which means the only person who gets to decide whether you have a dog living in your house or not is you.

babyjellyfish · 15/05/2022 08:31

A child's dog is actually a family pet, and you and your ex are no longer a family.

dworky · 15/05/2022 09:01

Definitely not & I love dogs.
The absolute audacity of him.

rnsaslkih · 15/05/2022 09:13

You need to tell him straight out that you are not having a dog live in your house.

I love dogs and have one. But if you don't want one, you must tell him very clearly. Or one may just turn up at your house.

liveforsummer · 15/05/2022 10:07

Surely 17 year olds are the least likely to be at an age to be responsible? Doesn't he have any plans to move out, to work full time , to go to uni? None of these things are going to be easy or even possible with a dog. Absolutely crazy idea unless you want a dog for you.

PinkSyCo · 15/05/2022 10:13

CorsicaDreaming · 15/05/2022 00:44

I would be really worried about introducing a dog into a house with a 3 year old. It's just not safe imo. You are not at all unreasonable

What absolute rubbish.
But OP of course YANBU for not wanting a dog. As long as you are happy that your DS doesn’t have one at all, because it would be equally unreasonable if you wanted your ex to buy him one and have it live with him.

fishonabicycle · 15/05/2022 10:15

Your house, you definitely don't have to have a dog in it! My son is 21 and has wanted a dog in and off for years - he can get one when he is settled in his own house! I don't want one (at least not until I retire!)

Jedsnewstar · 15/05/2022 10:26

The fact you had to post this question rather that laughing in his face makes me think you will let this happen.

funinthesun19 · 15/05/2022 10:31

Either the potential dog lives at your ex’s house, or your DS will just have to wait until he moves out and has his own place in the future.

Does your DS plan on going to uni and if so, will he reside there? If so, it’s even more reason for him not to get a dog just yet.

blueagain · 15/05/2022 10:33

No!!! Who’s paying for vets bills, insurance, food etc. what happens when you want to go on holiday?

Shinyandnew1 · 15/05/2022 10:35

Tampoli · 14/05/2022 18:50

DS is 17 in a few months, since he was very young he's wanted a dog and he now seems responsible to look after one. My ex has mentioned buying a dog for his main present which I could do but he's also said that the dog will live with me and DS full time as he works full time and I only work part time but I do also have a 3 year old to look after.

Aibu to not want the dog to live with me?

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

Have you not said this to your ex-does he thinks you are happy with the idea???

blueagain · 15/05/2022 10:35

Do you always let your ex bully you?

Cherrysoup · 15/05/2022 10:36

A puppy? So you’d have to do all the work? No way. He can’t just buy a dog and expect you to look after it, that’s totally outrageous.

Sswhinesthebest · 15/05/2022 10:40

Worst idea in the world.

Ikeptgoing · 16/05/2022 17:47

OP @Tampoli hasn't returned to thread after her first post?

Really it's not for ex to buy a family let then dump it in OP. If OP wants to buy a dog she will. If ex buys a dog then it lives at his house. If he can't take care of it that's his doing not OPs.

I would return any dog an ex sent to my house back to his house. Where he can keep it for DS if he wants but it's ex's responsibility not mine.

Beautiful3 · 15/11/2022 17:15

No way, it will end up being your responsibility. My kids promised me they'd take turns walking ours, and picking up poop from the garden. They've done none of those things. I would never get another dog again.

KettrickenSmiled · 15/11/2022 17:31

My ex has mentioned buying a dog for his main present which I could do but he's also said that the dog will live with me
😂😂😂

Small wonder he's an ex.
Does he have form for making decisions for you, & expecting you to accept them?

2bazookas · 15/11/2022 18:01

Don't do it. In another year or two DS will be off the nest, away to college or a job, and he won't take the dog with him. You'll be lumbered with a dog you didn't want for the next 10 or 15 years.

Crumpleton · 15/11/2022 18:58

I wouldn't let my now DH force me to have a dog so I'd be blowed if I would let an ex.

NadjaCravensworth · 15/11/2022 19:06

ittakes2 · 14/05/2022 19:49

I'm a bit confused - your son has wanted a dog since he was very young and now you think he is responsible you don't want him to have one because he lives with you full time and that would mean you would have a dog full time? Your ex paying for the dog is a red herring - this is about your son owning a dog while living in your house.

Op doesn't want a dog

ThinkWittyThoughts · 15/11/2022 19:09

ZOMBIE THREAD?!!

Op posted in May....