Now that you've had children do you wish you'd had them younger?

[teainbedplease]

The general trend seems to be to have kids in your 30s, but now that you've had kids do you wish you'd started your family earlier?

I had mine at 33 and 35 years old.

Haven’t RTFT but:

None of the people I know who had children earlier are still with their children's fathers.

What on earth does this notion have to do with whether or not one decides to have children early?

@underneaththeash sorry, meant to tag you in above post.

I had mine in my 40s - it would have been lovely to have had them earlier but that’s not how life panned out! In my 50s now and have far more energy than I had in my 20s! Whether that’s because of my child I don’t know!!

I wish I'd been finished by age 35. But due to infertility affecting me in my early and mid thirties I'll be having my last aged 40.

It's not really about feeling tired etc its about not being around for them as long. Having said that my parents were 36 and 37 when I was born and they are both very fit and active and still leading a full life in their late 70s.

@runnerblade95 because you change a lot in your twenties and the person who you want to be with early in adulthood, may not be a suitable life partner.

31 and 37 and honestly wish id waited for the right man and having bought a house prior. Renting and paying full time nursery fees for 8 years was hard

Overall of course i love them and happy with the way things have turned out but my god it was hard being a renter with 2 kids in the wrong marriage.

I was 30 when I had my first. Wish I'd waited a couple of years as didn't have much time after I qualified professionally to establish my career or have time to myself.

Yes!

Yes, I had my first at 40 and my second was born a month before my 44th birthday. I would love to have a third but I'm 47 now and had a miscarriage between DC1 and DC2 so I wouldn't want to risk it now. If I had had DC1 earlier I would have had time for a third.

It just makes sense to have them younger given we get more time with them.

Societally though we are seldom ready. I could not have cared for my child in my twenties, but this is a problem and should not be the norm.

I have one, am 42, and may not be able to have any more, which I am not happy about.

I just want to pass on to my daughter that it IS important to prioritise and learn how to co-operate in a relationship and form a family. Despite the recent trend for telling women that these things should take a back burner for a career.

no, I was 24 with my first and that has been good for me, Ive been enjoying freedom and also my off springs company as adults

Had my first at 23 and third at 28. That was young enough for me, being as I was working full time.

100% wish I had then earlier. I had mine at 37 and 39 and would love to have the energy for them

33 and 35. Perfect. I loved my 20’s but was then ready to make the sacrifices. Can’t imagine not having the experiences and history I had then.

I had my first at 22 (last year) and my second when I was 23 (3 weeks ago) so definitely not😂

However I’m really happy I’ve had them so young. I personally think I’d struggle being in my early 40s having two babies to look after. Couldn’t see me having as much energy as I have now!

Had mine at 26,27 and third will be born when I'm 28. There's only 1 reason I would have preferred to have them earlier, and that's so I can fit in more vacations to Disney world while I'm young enough to run around with them! 😂 but for everything else, I feel it was the perfect age for me. Things aren't great in my marriage but nothing that would have changed if we'd had them sooner or later so 🤷‍♀️

I had my first at 22 so no

No but I was 23. I’m 36 now and sometimes wish I could have another but won’t because of the cost of childcare and because DH is nearly 44.

Because having kids young with someone who is not a suitable life partner makes you very vulnerable. It’s never easy to split with the coparent of your children and always sets you back in the short term, but if you have established yourself a bit and can make your own money puts you in a much stronger position.

I had my children at 23 and 28. I’m 42 now, kids are 18 and 14 and I’m glad I had them when I did. I’d been with my partner for 5 years when we had our first, bought a house, finished Uni, had lots of child free fun and we were ready for children.

Sensible. Fertility should never be taken for granted.

34 which is a good age for me given what adventures I had in my 20’s. Interestingly that’s the age my mum had me and my grandma her.

think it’s also personality as well as age. I was very immature and selfish in my 20’s. I’m sure lots of people aren’t like that so have children younger than I did. Likewise maybe didn’t meet someone (or weren’t ready) until they were older.

I suppose I don’t completely disagree with your statement, especially in this day and age. However, I’ve been with my husband since I was 16 but have been married 11 years. I suppose it’s subjective but absolutely we change from adolescence through to early adulthood, through to 30’s and so on.

I had mine at 36 and 38. It was the right decision to wait, for various reasons and in the same position I wouldn't do it differently.

However, it did make life difficult in some respects. My parents were in their 30s when I was born so they were always old grandparents to my children. They both died while my children were still at school, so I feel my children missed out on having their grandparents around for long, and my parents missed seeing their grandchildren go thorough major events like graduation and marriage (no weddings yet, but obviously they won't be there).

There was also a difficult period for a couple of years before my mother died when it was very difficult for me to balance supporting her, working, and looking after two still quite young children (my mother lived alone 2.5 hours drive away from me).

That was repeated a few years later with my father. He also lived 2.5 hours drive away (but in a different direction, so when both parents were still alive I couldn't see them on the same visit.) Children were in their teens by then though, so it was easier to leave them if I had to.

I was early 20s. Tbh it was a struggle at the time and I did feel I was missing out. Now 50s and they are 20s/30s I'm really happy as I've a second go at life, with no responsibility and more money this time round. Adult DC have also provided me with a circle of young friends as a bonus, and life is good. I see pros and cons both ways round.