"you need more going on"

[Tashtale]

I'm mid twenties, a sahm (not be choice but we can't afford childcare) with my first dc. Dc is nearing 1 and a half. I had Dc in my early twenties. At first I found the sacrifices and compromises hard to get over although I accepted them. By this I mean seeing all my friends live their youth to the fullest whilst I become committed and settled. However now I feel like I'm at a point of letting it get me down I've embraced that this is my life, I look to the positives of it and I wouldn't change it for anything despite the things it lacks.

My issue is that MIL keeps insisting I need more going on. She keeps preaching about baby groups or doing something else with my time. Truth is I have no time on my hands to spare and when I do I just want to sit down and have me time. Im starting to resent the fact that I feel like I need to justify why I'm doing/not doing things. Dc isn't even 16 months yet! Is it so bad that I'm fully submerged into this lifestyle. Me and dp know it's not forever and I will get a job when Dc gets free childcare. At the moment I feel like these are the cards I've been dealt and I'm just getting on with things.

There is always that part of me in the back of my mind that thinks I'm too young to be this complacent in life and I should be off travelling the world or partying or something more productive with my time. Mils comments don't help this and when I meet up with friends and hear about their active lives this doesn't help too. But I'm happy being a mum and I'm happy to have adapted. My world may be small, Dc and dp and my family but I like it that way. I go out nearly every day to parks or out with family. Its not like my child is nearing 10 and I'm doing nothing with myself still. I feel like this level of pressure isn't called for whilst Dc is so young. Is it really so bad?

Is mil bu or am I?

If you are truly, genuinely content, and feel like you’re doing everything your child needs in terms of socialisation etc, why are you asking on here?

Tell MIL that you’d don’t want her advice, and if she keeps going reduce contact so you don’t have to hear it.

On the other hand, you could have a think about why you are so vehemently opposed to to cultivating any new friendships.

Just tell her you're happy as you are. I was the same didn't do baby groups but saw both sets of GPS every week although that's frowned on on MN.

My DC all made plenty of friends at nursery and primary school and don't seem to have any ill effects of me being an antisocial arse.

You say “These are the cards I’ve been dealt”. It was your choice to have children and it sounds as if it’s resentment on your part and your defensive/triggered by your mother in laws comments. Perhaps she’s right? If she’s not then crack on.

£45 per day here or £3.50-£5 p/h childminder. Irrelevant tho because it depends where you are and what your wage is.

It seems you've decided that you must make your peace with sacrifice and not do anything more than local activities. Your world doesn't need to be so small OP. That doesn't mean you need to do things you don't want to, but if you like walks then you could take a day trip to the city one day or beach another, try out a different activity group each week with DD, travel to new playgrounds, take up swimming etc.

Deciding you don't like any playgroups and don't like any other mums, without actually trying anything or meeting anyone, of course you must know that's irrational. Soft play is fairly pointless at 16 months when they can't yet do anything, but most little ones respond really well in music class, baby gym, playgroup sing-along and other organised activities. You don't have to try anything yet outside your family, but you will find at school nursery that the kids all have some friends from elsewhere and mums have already made some friends, so your MIL is quite right that your small world now will make life progressively harder for yourself. Don't be the one who's back here in a few years moaning about "school mum cliques" when you've spent years glaring at those other mums across the soft play because you refuse to take it on trust that some of them might be nice people.