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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended by this?

124 replies

Worried1305 · 12/05/2022 15:13

We are getting married in 3 days time. Two of our guests have just dropped out. We have already paid for their meals.

I am considering asking another friend of mine (who wasn’t originally invited as we were trying to keep numbers down) if she’d like to join us for the celebration. I can’t decide if this is a nice thing to do or horribly rude.

Obviously it’s very likely at this stage that she already has plans, and I won’t be at all offended if she can’t now make it. But AIBU to ask if she would like to come? If this happened to you, would you be offended?

OP posts:
AngelinaFangelina · 12/05/2022 15:15

Honestly, I would be offended. Never nice being the second choice!

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 12/05/2022 15:15

offensive.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 12/05/2022 15:16

I think it would depend on your original guest numbers as to how I took it to be honest!

CRbear · 12/05/2022 15:16

I wouldn’t be. Especially if you explain and that’s there’s no pressure. Everyone knows weddings are expensive.

Playplayaway · 12/05/2022 15:17

I'd think you just wanted someone to fill a space and bring a gift so you weren't out of pocket.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 12/05/2022 15:17

And 3 days before really does come across as you’re a last resort invite!

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2022 15:17

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 12/05/2022 15:16

I think it would depend on your original guest numbers as to how I took it to be honest!

This. 300 people, I'd be offended. 40, I wouldn't.

Lockdownmummy · 12/05/2022 15:18

If we were friends before you got engaged then yes I would be offended.

A new friend or someone you've become better friends with since planning your wedding then I think it's OK to ask.

AryaStarkWolf · 12/05/2022 15:18

It is a bit offensive to be honest

catscatscatseverywhere · 12/05/2022 15:18

I would feel offended as an option B.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2022 15:18

Oh and I'd be very open and honest about it and say absolutely no gift.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 12/05/2022 15:18

I wouldn't. No one likes feeling like 'Back-up Guest'.

NightmareSlashDelightful · 12/05/2022 15:19

NightmareSlashDelightful · 12/05/2022 15:18

I wouldn't. No one likes feeling like 'Back-up Guest'.

I mean - I wouldn't ask. I would be quite offended if someone asked me this three days beforehand. Personally.

SofiaSoFar · 12/05/2022 15:19

Yes, I'd be offended.

Not that I wasn't invited in the first place, but being brought on as a substitute would be a step too far, I'm afraid.

Thursday37 · 12/05/2022 15:20

I think if you are completely honest about it it’s fine. I was invited last minute to the full day of a wedding I was originally only going to the evening of.

Something along the lines of “I know it is short notice and I totally understand that you may not be free, but we have some spaces at our wedding and if you would like to come we’d love to see you there. But totally understand if you can’t or would rather not.”

BlancmanegeBunny · 12/05/2022 15:22

It wouldn't offend me! I had someone drop out on the morning of my wedding and we asked a family friend who lived locally to come along.........everyone was happy!

Crazykefir · 12/05/2022 15:23

I wouldn't go.

Crazykatie · 12/05/2022 15:23

Most of us have to limit numbers at weddings, there is always the possibility of some dropping our for whatever reason. If you have spare places offer them to friends, if I knew you preferred to waste them rather than invite me I would be offended for sure.

PrancerandDancer · 12/05/2022 15:23

Not sure, I had a friend from work who was invited to the evening but was able to bump him up to the day due to cancellation. it was a month before but sent a message and he was delighted. Would depend on the friendship!

coodawoodashooda · 12/05/2022 15:25

Crazykefir · 12/05/2022 15:23

I wouldn't go.

Neither would I

Justmuddlingalong · 12/05/2022 15:26

It's a bit "you weren't on our guest list, but we want to get our money's worth with the catering."

Zemw · 12/05/2022 15:28

Depends. If there are only 10 people going and you then invited me, I wouldn't be offended. If 60 people were invited and then you invited me, I'd be offended.

HSKAT · 12/05/2022 15:28

I've been option B before.
I was honestly over the moon to be asked.

SirenSays · 12/05/2022 15:29

I think offended is a bit strong, but it's unlikely I'd attend. Could you give more guests the option to bring a plus 1?

MountainDewer · 12/05/2022 15:30

Depends on character surely?
If it's a small, local wedding, I wouldn't mind!
I love weddings, and gifts don't have to be expensive.