To not get a job because I’m a sahm

[velvetcandy]

So after 8 years being a sahm I’ve decided to go back to work. Had a very good interview last week, the role was actually half the salary I had before I had kids and a lower position but still the same area of work etc.

the feedback was, that I was perfect but they were worried because I’ve been out of work for so long so gave the job to a recent grad. I have over ten years experience plus a degree.

aibu to think this is unfair?

As a sahm, you are likely to be much more organised, efficient and high performing.

Than who?

@Knittingchamp a crack den would be easier than staying at home with my kids

They don't care about your children. They can see from your career gap that you have them

Exactly. If I see a long career gap for anyone in their 30s/40s (male or female), I assume they have been a SAHP and therefore are the main carer for kids.

Maybe the other candidate was just better?

Honestly, it is unfair, but I think perhaps you’re not really aware of how competitive any employment is now.

But why is it 'unfair'?

For every decent job advertised, many will apply but only one will get the job. If the employers feel that a recent graduate is a better fit than a person with an 8 year gap in their CV, then they are within their rights to employ that person. Provided there was no discrimination, which doesn't appear to be the case, 'fairness' doesn't really come into it.

I think, to get your foot back in the door, you'll need to cobble something together for that one day you can only start at 9.

If hours are mentioned at future interviews just say the hours are fine and if childcare is mentioned, which it shouldn't be, just say childcare is sorted, don't elaborate on any of it. Then, if you get an offer, start negotiations but be prepared to have to suck it up until you've been in the job a few months.

Good luck next time op, something will come up 🤞

That’s as may be, but then they should have said “you did not convince us that you had kept your skills sufficiently current”.

They told her that she was “perfect” but they were “worried because she had been out of work so long”. That’s an incomplete answer without specifying what specifically it was about the time away from the workplace that concerned them.

Incomplete answer from who?

The employers or the OP?

There's a bit of a 'drip feed' going on with this thread. I don't think we're being given the full picture.

Most interview rejections are just a generic copy/paste from a pile of standard rejection answers, unfortunately.

So you have raised children, ran a home, managed accounts and done 100 other roles but they choose someone who has never held down a full time job. Brainless.

Yes I wouldn't expect brutal honesty from interview feedback. They're going to play it safe and speak in platitudes.

Maybe she was as perfect as the other candidate and her lack of recent experience is genuinely the only thing that held her back in comparison to them. Maybe the graduate did some valuable work experience and got a great reference.

There is a lot of age discrimination on this thread - an assumption that younger people are automatically less able.

I have had plenty of shit older, highly experienced employees, many of whom had been SAHMs at some stage. Having been an SAHP shouldn't be a barrier to employment, but it's not Harvard Business School either.

What’s the industry? With nearly a decade out of work and no recent training/experience, you won’t be up to date. Most industries have changed since you last worked. The graduate has had recent up to date training and probably has relevant work experience too.

Totally agree

Maybe it was. It’s all very well other posters blaming you or saying your should have done stuff but certainly when I worked my colleagues used to try to work out which female candidates were most likely to have kids so they could deprioritise those candidates. It is definitely a thing.

Awww that sucks op.

It will be the kids. It's so short-sighted for employers to think "young kids, will need flexibility, days off" etc.

As opposed to a young graduate who most likely has a very active social life, turbulent love life and will be looking for promotion after six months.

Absolute bollocks.

I was discriminated against for needing part time hours because I am a carer for a disabled child.

I gave up work in the end and it always seems a shame because I was hard working, experienced and really, really good at my job.

Keep on keeping on, you'll get your lucky break.

Don’t let it knock your confidence, it’s just one job. It may be unfair, it may not, it’s hard to say. You have 10 years experience, but it’s 8 years out of date surely? There were always going to be some hurdles after a long career break, just try and take the positives from the interview experience and go for it again with the next opportunity, something will come up.

There is a difference between a recent graduate and someone with recent experience and it’s a couple of thousand pounds!

Op you’ve had a lucky escape, guarantee it’s nothing to do with being a sahm or experience and everything to do with being able to pay less to kid with no experience they just hired. It sounds like a trash workplace. Keep going and fingers crossed you will find something better soon.

Worst comes to worst, depending on the area you work in, do some freelancing for a few months to freshen up your cv.

It would be very stupid to have a generic answer that started with “you were perfect”. That was, frankly, a very stupid thing that they said there.

The prospective employers set out the terms of their role in their advert including working hours.
They are entitled to do that. You knew that before going for an interview so why poster are claiming that the employer is inflexible baffles me. They don't have to be flexible they are advertising a role knowing what you want from a candidate.

OP you were the one being inflexible by turning up telling them what hours you were prepared to work, knowing you weren't willing to work the set times.
You haven't worked for 8 years but seemed to have expected you would walk straight into that role and it's a competitive market.

Chalk it up to experience and move on. You will find the right job.

I've just returned to work in a professional role after an even longer period as a sahm. It can be done, so don't lose heart. It's a case of working out exactly what you want and then kissing a few frogs until you find an employer that will match it.There's a lot of conflicting advice here - aim high as you'll look defeatist if you don't yet no one will employ you for anything at all with a gap on your cv, you've lost all touch with tech yet wow them at interview with talk about volunteer roles and helping at pre-schools. You've only had 8 years out, tech hasn't changed that much! It's not like you left in the era of pigeons flying hand written notes between offices and return in a time of messages relayed by telepathy. Presumably you've used email???! Probably used a bit of Zoom in lockdown too, similar to Teams. I think the thread has a lot of people bigging themselves up to cover the guilt of working when their own kids were small.

You know the successful candidate personally? I can’t imagine why someone would make sure an unsubstantiated assumption otherwise

Think you were right to mention child care - fast forward to all sorts of scenarios, your children getting sick, and you need to be able to have a flexible employer.

Don't let it knock your confidence though.

Is there any way you can get your skill set up to date, or is it specialist?