To not get a job because I’m a sahm

[velvetcandy]

So after 8 years being a sahm I’ve decided to go back to work. Had a very good interview last week, the role was actually half the salary I had before I had kids and a lower position but still the same area of work etc.

the feedback was, that I was perfect but they were worried because I’ve been out of work for so long so gave the job to a recent grad. I have over ten years experience plus a degree.

aibu to think this is unfair?

As pp have said, you really need to show how you’ve kept your skillset up to date if you’ve been out of the workplace for that long - it sounds like it was a role where that’s important. I would also be a bit wary of employing someone if they brought their childcare issues up at interview - it would make me wonder if these were likely to cause ongoing problems and result in multiple requests for flexibility or adjustments.

If this is the field you want to stay in can you look to do some volunteering, additional qualifications or self directed learning so you have something current to refer to in interview?

Good luck and try not to let it get you down - interviews can be brutal on your self confidence but they can also be great learning opportunities. Keep honing those skills until you’re offered the job you want

I think companies get nervous about candidates who want to change the job conditions right from the get go. You know that all you want is half an hour flexibility but they see it as thin end of the wedge and that you might be risky.
If a job is advertised as 8.30 start then that is what they want.
But ultimately it's their loss as it will cost them to train an inexperienced employee whereas you'd have been good to go.

I don't think it's unfair - you have chosen to take a lot of years off work and they are probably questioning whether you really want to return and how the logistics will work out. These are valid concerns, but you could put them to rest by doing some agency work which demonstrates that you are committed and can manage work alongside your other commitments.

I think you were right to be honest about needing to start at 9am sometimes though. It's not an unreasonable thing to ask (unless you are covering a clinic that starts at 8:30 etc), and if they couldn't accommodate that they wouldn't have suited you anyway.

With a recent grad the employer probably thinks they'll be desperate to prove themselves, put up with more sh*t, probably work overtime for free etc. Essentially have looser boundaries. Clearly you have quite firm boundaries around work (and of course you have to with kids), revealed with the chat about hours /start times. It's not fair but I bet that was their thinking on it. FWIW I think if I was hiring I'd want someone with more experience. There'll be somewhere that's a good fit for you I'm sure

I can relate to this and having a SEN child I wasn't left much choice but to stay at home. I did volunteering for a long time and finally got employed. I have a very sympathetic employer though - all the companies I applied to didn't even acknowledge my CV. LinkedIn wasn't helpful either as I hadn't exactly been making any connections whilst at home.

Advice: don't sell yourself short. Going for roles beneath you/big salary drop may make you appear lacking in self-confidence or raise alarm bells that you don't think you'll cope with a full time job.

This is good advice.

Thank you @Eelicks

My advice would be not to discuss small details (like needing to come in 30 mins late one day) at the interview stage. Wait until they offer you the job. Much better to do this stuff when they have already decided they want you.

Good luck.

I do think it's unfair although they're the ones missing out on all your experience so more fool them. Try not to get down about it - it doesn't sound like they're very family friendly and there will be a better role more suited to you. The company I worked for used to have an assistants job that would usually go to a recent graduate. They wanted someone who would be happy to be an assistant for a few years while learning the more interesting aspects and felt that if the role went to a more experienced person, they'd get (totally understandably) fed up of doing the more mundane stuff in the job after a few months.

It’s not unfair, and it’s a great example of why women should think very carefully before they take an extended amount of time out of the workforce. I could have afforded to be a stay at home mum but I knew that taking a few years out of my industry would kill any chance of career progression. I hope you find something that works for you soon!

the hours are fine apart from one day a week I need to be in at work at 9 instead of 8.30, only one day and they didn’t seem to happ

It might not be fair but honestly, if in the interview you are already flagging up that you won't be turning up for work in the hours you have requested, then I'm afraid you can't really be surprised that you are not their first choice.

It might be different it you already worked there and had had a chance to prove your value over a longer period of time. In those circumstances they may be prepared to accommodate your request for some flexibility one day a week.

Obviously I said all the hours were fine just that one day a week due to family circumstances

I'm afraid you are correct, this is probably a bit of a red flag when recruiting, unless you are already an outstanding candidate on all other points.

How have you managed to keep up to date with changes even in personal technology ? There have been a lot of changes in a decade. Nothing major that cannot be overcome, but I'd be interested to know what you have managed to do, to keep up to date

Op not easy. I went back after a big gap. My friend is blunt. Told me dont mention kids or childcare at interviews. I temped for bit as offices had moved on with technology. Its unfair yes I think they see the grads as flexible/can work late etc.

Sounds like discrimination to me. A grad would have been a child for most of the time you were out of the workforce and would have zero previous experience. So the gap in your cv shouldn’t disadvantage you given that the grad would have nothing on their cv other than time in education.

I had to fight just to get a part time role, as I was overqualified, I just wanted a part time job to get me out of the house, they were convinced I wanted it as a stepping stone to get back into my career.

I’ve worked in recruitment for years. Rarely the reason given to unsuccessful candidates is the real reason. Being honest it’s more likely because you have young kids, honestly. The PC brigade will tell you otherwise but in my experience women who have been SAHM’s coming back to work after a long gap, with young kids are way more likely to be less committed than a graduate. Kids are ill, they’re off, etc.

Ill get hammered on here but it’s the reality of working life.

They chose another candidate for whatever reason, move on and good luck with the next one.

It's shit, OP but you have now learned that you don't ask for any concessions, nothing at all, regarding children at the interview stage.

Negotiate a salary and contract then when you've all signed it, bring that up. Or when they offer you the position.

I think they have been really unprofessional. If they were happy you proved you could do the role in the interview but got cold feet because you’ve been a sahm I think that’s showing bias. Also they should not be telling you any information about who got the role.

Unfortunately not all jobs can be flexible - even by half an hour.

I wrote my post without reading the update about the late start one day a week. That proved my point.

It's not discrimination to prefer a recent graduate instead of someone who's been out of the workplace for 8 years.

Whether it's the right choice is debatable, but on the face of it it's not a discriminatory one.

I am going to be honest and say you sound quite entitled as though they couldnt possibly turn you down due to your experience but that was 8 YEARS ago. Everything has moved on especially technology. Did you say how you have kept up?

Tbh it’s partly just the luck of interviews - ok they are a new grad but they might come with other things that they decided meant they were a better fit.

also maybe they have a business reason for not wanting you to start later. I used to manage a place where adjusting starts would have had an impact on people using those services.

FYI most working parents use wrap around child care so drop offs are not a problem. Maybe something to consider on that particular day going forward.

use the interview as experience as it’s been a while since you have done one and move on.

It wouldn’t be fair to the graduate to be rejected in favour of someone who might have the relevant experience but hadn’t put it to use in 8 years.

Itll not be the first or last time that happens Op :(
you become a liability with kids. Tbh, do you really want to work for a company for rubbish money who are so inflexible and inconvenienced by a small change in working hours.
good luck in future!!

If they couldn't be flexible on .5 hours on 1 day I think that's pretty rubbish. I do think some employers are quite discriminatory with people with kids although of course they would never admit to that.