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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

....to think weddings are (mostly) ridiculous now?

155 replies

TalkSomeSense2 · 10/05/2022 19:03

Or perhaps I'm overly invested in the dramatic wedding chat on here sometimes! 😁And then with the whole dragging everyone in to all the chat/decisions/drama/flouncing. It's just all so much!

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 10/05/2022 19:06

it seems many weddings have become a circus, a very expensive circus that people save up for over many years.

having a wedding and a meal afterwards, with a couple of drinks and a few button holes and a couple of bridesmaids, seems to be a distance memory of the 1980s

BluebirdTree · 10/05/2022 19:07

Agree! Me and DP can’t be bothered as we already own a house together. It’s eye wateringly expensive, I’ve no idea how anyone affords it and we’re on not bad wages

PixieAndProsecco · 10/05/2022 19:08

Someone in my work is still paying hers off, almost a year later, despite the fact that they "reduced it" due to Covid and it still has more than a year left.

She comes across as hating her husband.

lightand · 10/05/2022 19:10

Give it 6 months, and people will prob see the way things are going, finance wise.
I suspect a whole heap of things are about to change. Not just weddings.

BreakorMake · 10/05/2022 19:10

I'm off to the wedding of a close relative in Ireland soon. It is a three day event no less. The wedding, champagne reception, the meal, speeches, band, and more grub to soak up the drink later. Then day 2 there is a BBQ followed by musical guests who can sing and play an instrument for a whoolie. That's the best bit, everyone is relaxed (hungover!) and enjoys it very much.
Day three go home. Poorer, no paracetemol left, bedraggled, tired but Irish weddings are just something else, and go on until all hours of the morning. A huge celebration and great fun, if that's your thing.
It is an expensive gig though, and I don't go to the weddings of anyone other than immediate family any more now.
Whether weddings are extravagant or quiet, it doesn't matter as long as B+G are happy. No one HAS to go.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 10/05/2022 19:11

BluebirdTree · 10/05/2022 19:07

Agree! Me and DP can’t be bothered as we already own a house together. It’s eye wateringly expensive, I’ve no idea how anyone affords it and we’re on not bad wages

Just do registry office with only immediate family, a monsoon dress and bunch of wildflowers and meal in pub after. Or fish and chips down the seafront. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 10/05/2022 19:12

PixieAndProsecco · 10/05/2022 19:08

Someone in my work is still paying hers off, almost a year later, despite the fact that they "reduced it" due to Covid and it still has more than a year left.

She comes across as hating her husband.

That’s so sad

bloodywhitecat · 10/05/2022 19:13

We had very close family and a couple of friends to ours last year, it was the perfect day for us. We got married at the local town hall then went to the pub for dinner. It was a very small, quiet affair but we loved it and it was one of the few times I ever saw DH cry.

DD had a much bigger wedding but still not a very grand affair and it was perfect for them.

On the whole though the expectations of the wedding day do seem to have grown out of all proportion and the pressures to provide everyone with the perfect day seems to have grown with those expectations.

FairyCakeWings · 10/05/2022 19:14

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

YABU for this especially. Plenty of people with strong loving relationships fancy hosting a big wedding celebration.

You’re right that sometimes people are more invested in the wedding than the marriage but that doesn’t mean every big wedding is doomed to divorce.

noborisno · 10/05/2022 19:24

Oftentimes it's a family competition thing. My husband said he wanted a big wedding and for our wedding to be the biggest in the family. Everyone had a ball and still tells us one year on, and yes, we're still paying it off.

My family has absolutely zero respect or interest in marriage. I was along for the ride, and you know what, it was amazing.

Not to say I would choose it personally though as it's a lot of money. It's the memory, the way we felt afterwards, and everyone saying how much they enjoyed it that made it worthwhile, but you could totally have that with a small wedding as described above. The pub meal and wild flowers are a perfect idea.

Money is no factor in how good a wedding is, either way. And it's no factor in how long the marriage lasts either.

Blanketpolicy · 10/05/2022 19:39

Love a good wedding but I won't be spending £££s and traipsing to the midde of nowhere for a party. I've already declined one this year in a fecking castle/barn thing, sitting on haybales in the arse end of nowhere, with only shite but expensive accomodation within miles.

If the "hosts" clearly don't care a jot about their guests expense, convience or comfort I have no qualms quietly declining. The balance between being "good hosts" and being "their day" has swung way to far to the latter.

Original poster
TalkSomeSense2 · 10/05/2022 19:42

BreakorMake · 10/05/2022 19:10

I'm off to the wedding of a close relative in Ireland soon. It is a three day event no less. The wedding, champagne reception, the meal, speeches, band, and more grub to soak up the drink later. Then day 2 there is a BBQ followed by musical guests who can sing and play an instrument for a whoolie. That's the best bit, everyone is relaxed (hungover!) and enjoys it very much.
Day three go home. Poorer, no paracetemol left, bedraggled, tired but Irish weddings are just something else, and go on until all hours of the morning. A huge celebration and great fun, if that's your thing.
It is an expensive gig though, and I don't go to the weddings of anyone other than immediate family any more now.
Whether weddings are extravagant or quiet, it doesn't matter as long as B+G are happy. No one HAS to go.

Very true on the last bit - as long as the B&G are happy that's absolutely what matters! It's just so sad sometimes to read about the stress and the disagreements and the expectation of it all! Sometimes it feels like the B&G are the least happy people in the lead up to a wedding.

OP posts:
Getoffmyshoes · 10/05/2022 19:45

FairyCakeWings · 10/05/2022 19:14

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

YABU for this especially. Plenty of people with strong loving relationships fancy hosting a big wedding celebration.

You’re right that sometimes people are more invested in the wedding than the marriage but that doesn’t mean every big wedding is doomed to divorce.

Agreed. I know an equal amount of people who’ve had a small inexpensive do and split up shortly after, but this is mumsnet where unless you marry in a bus shelter with two guests each, followed by a McDonald’s you’re clearly just about the dress and doomed to be miserable!

HotChoc10 · 10/05/2022 20:23

I love going to big, fun weddings with lots of wine, food and dancing! So YABU in my opinion.

If someone can't afford to do it or is going into debt for it that's another thing.

JustLyra · 10/05/2022 20:47

I don't think it's the type of wedding that makes it fun or not. It's how relaxed the couple are.

We've been to two weddings in the last few weeks. One was, I can only imagine, eye wateringly expensive. Hotel, four course meal, really nice transport laid on, lots of drinks, a band and a DJ, really stunning flowers, several bridesmaids with lovely dresses, good evening buffet - but the main thing was that the couple were relaxed and having a ball which transferred over to everyone else.
The other was a wedding in the town hall, followed by a buffet style meal, a DJ for dancing, all buy your own drinks (but they'd sourced a bar company that wasn't stupid expensive), and very no frills - again the couple were relaxed and having a ball which, again, transferred over to everyone.

I think the more bridezilla and groomzilla the couple, the shorter the marriage. The ones that remember that the wedding is a day and stay chillled are much happier imo - regardless of cost of the wedding.

SallyWD · 10/05/2022 20:50

This is why I got married in a registry office with only witnesses. I couldn't bear any fuss or expense!

Work2live · 10/05/2022 20:51

It’s eye wateringly expensive, I’ve no idea how anyone affords it and we’re on not bad wages

Pretty much this! We eloped a few years ago after discovering how much everything costs. I honestly have no idea how people afford it. We both earn well too.

Our wedding cost ~£6k for everything including our rings, outfits, photographer, and a week’s holiday in the destination where we got married. I’ve never once regretted it and would highly recommend it!

CorpseReviver · 10/05/2022 20:52

BluebirdTree · 10/05/2022 19:07

Agree! Me and DP can’t be bothered as we already own a house together. It’s eye wateringly expensive, I’ve no idea how anyone affords it and we’re on not bad wages

We got married for less than £150 which seems cheap at the price for the legal and financial protection it gives us.

CorpseReviver · 10/05/2022 20:53

Work2live · 10/05/2022 20:51

It’s eye wateringly expensive, I’ve no idea how anyone affords it and we’re on not bad wages

Pretty much this! We eloped a few years ago after discovering how much everything costs. I honestly have no idea how people afford it. We both earn well too.

Our wedding cost ~£6k for everything including our rings, outfits, photographer, and a week’s holiday in the destination where we got married. I’ve never once regretted it and would highly recommend it!

I don't think six thousand pounds is exactly scraping the barrel, is it.

Kenworthington · 10/05/2022 20:55

Dh and I are currently organizing (and paying for) our first sons wedding. It’s going to be BIG. With all the fun ridiculous things. A massive extravaganza of fun and love. We can afford it, they can’t, so we are sorting it. We got married 22 years ago and ours was nice but very simple and there are so many things we wished we’d done differently so we’re doing it for our son instead

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/05/2022 20:55

Last wedding I went to was fish and chips and a disco. It was great.

StoneofDestiny · 10/05/2022 21:02

Yes, too many expensive 'performances'. Of course the couple can spend all they want, but it's getting harder being a guest. Had two wedding invites before Covid that involved two different locations for each couple - weeks apart. They even called it 'two weddings' - one abroad, one at home. Hard to take it all seriously. They also seem to involve years of planning (ie endless talking about it) 💤 💤. Find it hard to believe the actual seriousness of marriage and the vows of commitment don't take second place.

Work2live · 10/05/2022 21:14

CorpseReviver · 10/05/2022 20:53

I don't think six thousand pounds is exactly scraping the barrel, is it.

Show quote history

Not really. But we got married and had a week’s honeymoon for about a fifth of the cost of the average wedding. And with none of the drama, cost, or flamboyance the OP talks about.

We love a good wedding do, just didn’t want it for ourselves. Then again:

this is mumsnet where unless you marry in a bus shelter with two guests each, followed by a McDonald’s you’re clearly just about the dress and doomed to be miserable!

🤣

JollyWilloughby · 10/05/2022 21:18

All the weddings I’ve been to just recently have been a right faff logistically as they’re either

  • miles and miles away in the middle of nowhere (barn conversions etc) and also on week days.

Weddings were so much more fun when they were local and on a Saturday.

I eloped up to Gretna and hardly spent anything. Arranged the whole day in one phone call and still happily married many years later. Personally without coming across as too cynical and miserable I think weddings are hideous these days.

TheLadyDIdGood · 10/05/2022 21:20

I'm going to a super fancy wedding at a very smart venue in July. I've heard rumours of several events where one is expected to dress the part. You can see where this is going can't you.... I'm dreading getting the official summons as I'll have to wait remortgage my house and sell my vital organs to attend.