....to think weddings are (mostly) ridiculous now?

[TalkSomeSense2]

Or perhaps I'm overly invested in the dramatic wedding chat on here sometimes! 😁And then with the whole dragging everyone in to all the chat/decisions/drama/flouncing. It's just all so much!

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

I do agree. Someone I know spent longer saving for her dream wedding than she actually did Married.

And she had spent 3 years saving and planning.

I agree with you OP. But plenty of people will be along to tell you you are miserable and jealous.

One of my least favourite things about MN is the absolute snobbery that comes on judging weddings. If the bride ever wears more than a paper bag and they serve anything more lavish than tap water it’s deemed to be CF-ery and they’re obviously money grabbing twats who will be divorced within a year. It’s even an offence on MN to be invited to a wedding (somehow?!)

In real life, everyone who i know loves being invited to a wedding as it’s a fun day to celebrate with your family and friends. People don’t mind paying out for a destination wedding, or on a room in a hotel or giving the B&G cash. People in real life want the best for their friends and love celebrating with them.

Perhaps MN just presents all the bitter people coming out the woodwork but some of the comments on individual weddings are just horrible and I wonder how they’d feel if the B&G who invited them in good faith knew they were being slagged off online.

I’d also say… if the wedding isn’t for you, don’t bloody go. Nothing worse than someone not wanting to attend but then slagging it off and somehow making it about themselves when they could just politely and quietly decline and spend the day doing whatever they want instead.

I had a big and not cheap wedding and it was the best day, loads of fun and full of wonderful memories. I got to feel extra special and beautiful and get hundreds of people I adore together and I won't apologise for it. If you want the chippy and the 5 guests and the charity shop dress then go for it, but don't brag about it and put others down pretending you're somehow better than them.

@Pyri

You think everyone doesn’t mind because it isn’t socially acceptable to say otherwise. I agree regarding hotel rooms because logistically it makes life easy but the past few weddings I’ve been too in the middle of nowhere were in barns with hardly any accommodation nearby.

This results in people having to book taxis well in advance due to being in the middle of nowhere, people just driving the few hours home (so not letting their hair down) or simply being unable to go due to the very limited accommodation available near the venue.

Guess the barns look nice on Facebook though.

So what? Just book a taxi in advance then? No need for the sniping and moaning, if you know that the only options are to book a taxi in advance or drive or pay for a local hotel then just do that.

If none of those options appeal, then politely decline to the B&G and send them a card. It really isn’t the big deal that people on here make it out to be.

And so what if the B&G choose a nice barn, partly because the photos look nice. It’s their wedding, their choice. It’s also your choice not to attend if it doesn’t appeal to you.

@Pyri is spot on. The hatred for weddings on MN does not represent my experience of weddings at all. I'd never publicly slag off some one else's choice, if you don't want to go then decline the invite.

We had a pretty expensive wedding ( nearly 20 years ago ) paid for it ourselves. It was in a manor house with all the works. I still think it was the best wedding I've been to!! My only regret was inviting half of the guests who we havnt seen since!!
Lots of Weddings that I've been to since are so pretentious. It's more about what everything looks like, there's no atmosphere or fun anymore. Maybe I just know lots of pretentious people 🤔!!!

I’d love a big wedding, that’s what I’ve always wanted. But meeting DP a bit later in life for me, and a lot later in life for him (!) with us just having bought a house with a little bit of a renovation on the cards, hoping for babies... I don’t think we could justify a wedding. It’s sad but if I had to pick between a wedding day vs babies/home then it’s a no brainier. Throwing the thousands of pounds at that rather than some extra maternity leave or a loft conversion, I mean, come on!

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

Not a hard and fast rule and depends on individual circumstances. The poshest wedding I've been to was one of my old uni friends who married a guy from an 'old money' family. The day must have cost 50k, but his parents paid for it, and then helped them with a substantial deposit for a house. They are very happy together, but have no real money worries.

I think it would be a problem if you had stretched your means and used a loan or credit card to pay for a wedding though, or sacrificed other more secure things like a house deposit. Starting married life in debt over one day would be stressful, and can see how resentment might breed if one person was more keen on a big do than the other.

@Pyri

I totally agree, people do it how they want.

i have nothing against expensive weddings but I personally would try and make things easier logistically for my guests so that they could really let their hair down and enjoy themselves. I would want people to have fun and not worry too much about the logistics.

i wouldn’t want to force everyone in to staying sober, driving home early, getting a taxi to accommodation that is easily 30-40 minutes away from the venue etc etc. What can I say it’s those types of weddings that are boring as hell.

Some of the best weddings I’ve been too have been hotel weddings where you can easily book a hotel room and everyone lets their hair down.

The wedding is irrelevant.. it's the marriage that matters .

If you have kids and earn less than your spouse then you need to get married... whilst the laws are as they are .. get to a registry office . It costs £233

I was with my XH for 5 years, we married at a Registry Office and had a pub lunch (I did have a Monsoon dress too, as an earlier poster said) and a 2 day stay at a local hotel. Total cost £750 (my money) and he left me 5 months later (pregnant) for another woman.

I fucking wish I had had the extravaganza 🤣

I don't know which way to vote, as I agree with you in terms of the drama and ridiculousness, and anger you see on MN on the wedding threads, but that isn't reflected in my life.

I love a wedding. I've been to all sorts. I don't know if I am oblivious to stuff going on in the background but I just don't get the vitriol and hatred for weddings you read about all the time on MN. I don't understand why people get so worked up about invitations. I have never come across the bridezilla behaviour nor the guestzilla behaviour you read about on here all the time.

I don't understand why people say they "have to" spend hundreds (or even thousands) going to a wedding, and treat it is if they are doing the couple a favour. If they choose to that's up to them, so why moan about it?

Each to their own I suppose, but I did love the weddings I seen during covid times. I thought that they were really elegant and romantic. I actually thought that they would stay a thing and become a big trend. Nope back to the big ott events it is.

25 years ago an aquaintance (my cousin and good friends best friend) had an extravaganza. Her dress was shipped from the US and cost circa £10k alone. He father paid for the lot. She left her husband 4 months later as marriage was "boring".

More recently I have had a friend have a right go at me and others for declining and invitation to her THIRD big wedding. The cliche of the castle in the middle of nowhere, rooms there cost hundreds per night (suspect they are using the highest tier so the guests cover the cost of the wedding) and there is nowhere else for miles. Its 350 miles from where we live. Apparently the fact that none of us want to pay what would end up being upwards of £1000 on her wedding is us being selfish and not realising what an honour it is. She isnt speaking to any of us anymore but I have heard via her sister that the fiance is close to calling it off anyway as he wants to get married but she want THE WEDDING. They are in their late 50's so its not a young person thing.

Disagree on the cost point; it’s more about how it’s done!

our wedding earlier in the year cost £40k. We didn’t have gimmicks such as a photo booth or sweet cart, we simply brought together 2 sets of family and friends that were 4 hours apart. £40k was simply how much it cost to feed and house 90 people for 2 nights (we covered accom for 1/2 nights depending on how far people had to travel, meal the night before for those who had travelled that day, all food the day of the wedding, breakfast, canapes, 3 course meal, evening buffet and some drinks). Neither of us had stag or hens because it would have meant expensive travel for attendees over the Christmas period.

We had been to so many weddings where we were less than enthusiastic guests due to the cost/drama of the lead up, plus hours of hanging around, so decided that we were going to organise and pay for everything ourselves and all people had to do was turn up and be hosted. That plus a tight schedule that didn’t leave people time to get bored/drunk too early meant we had a fab day with plenty of compliments on the planning and the dance floor was full all night!

the only 2 things we splurged on were my dress which I fell in love with and husband wanted me to have and the band, who I’d known for a long time but all our guests thought they were fab. Everything else we went for a fairly simple option i.e. local bakery made plain iced sponge cake, brother drove wedding car etc.

i think the post covid timing helped us also, people were less anxious about omicron, restrictions were just lifted and people told us how much they appreciated the party. We felt so loved and honoured that people gave up their weekend for us and I’m totally baffled at how some people do something totally inconvenient AND expect their guests to pay. My favourite one was a friend who married on a Tuesday, in term time, in Cyprus and then was upset that another friend who was a teacher couldn’t take the week off to come out to be a bridesmaid… requested a weekend away hen also!

This. It just tends to be the large expensive weddings that produce bridezillas and groomzillas. That's why most marriages that fail had large weddings. The stress drives them nuts.

Oh the irony - just saw The Times pop up on screen with the heading of its article "How two engagement rings is the new trend".

Another money spinner

That's one of my favourite things about MN.

However modest your wedding plans are, someone will tell you off for your extravagance, and say that their wedding guests shared a cup of warm wee and a Wagon Wheel and everybody said it was the best wedding they'd even been to.

@StoneofDestiny

Since when was two engagement rings a thing?!

I only know one person who had this and she was a money grabbing social climber who happily accepted the original engagement ring then demanded an "upgrade" (she actually called it that) for their first anniversary. She got it, and he got cleaned out in the divorce.

Our wedding cost around £18000 ten years ago -but instead of presents we had a wine list at Magestic which people could buy and consume- and also added food items to wedding present list -basically what your present was you ate or drank! Final count was it cost us £5000 to have a free bar and food for everyone for a whole day a late July Saturday!

But it wasnt free for them!

I just dont see the difference between this and hotels offering a three tier system where the couple can charge standard room rate and then cover the cost of the wedding themselves, a mid rate where the guests contribute to the cost of the food and drink and the top rate where the guests cover everything, often with a bit left over.

You went for the mid rate room option. You didnt offer a free bar, your guests still paid, just in a different way.

@user1471548941 your wedding sounds absolutely phenomenal. It truly is an honour to have guests take time out to attend one's wedding, and bride and groom should care as much about guests' comfort and convenience as making the day their own.

If I ever get married again, and I hope I do, I want a wedding like yours.