....to think weddings are (mostly) ridiculous now?

[TalkSomeSense2]

Or perhaps I'm overly invested in the dramatic wedding chat on here sometimes! 😁And then with the whole dragging everyone in to all the chat/decisions/drama/flouncing. It's just all so much!

The more expensive and flamboyant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. Agree or Disagree?

I know someone who made us all jump through expensive hoops for their first wedding, which failed quickly. Now they are getting married again and it’s even worse this time. We are expected to go abroad and spend thousands on it. The person in question just does not see that this is massively inconvenient and costly to people. They are unbelievably myopic.

The invite is going to arrive shortly and I’ll be declining, but it will cause loads of family issues.

I get that people want a lovely wedding, but why does it have to cost others?

We got married in a cardboard box, then ate the cardboard box as the wedding breakfast.

Still going strong 80 years on.

l much prefer the lower key affairs.
My own wedding was very low key, casual and relaxed. l wasnt at all stressed, it took me hardly any time to organise, and it didn' t cost us very much.
People tend to try way to hard these days and it takes something away, rather than adding to it. It can up feeling forced and fake with a strong sense of competiveness.
The wedding business is big money now, its all so artifical and tacky, l hope people see through it and go back to the days of getting married on a shoestring budget, those types of weddings to me always seemed more genuine and happier.

Some are. I suppose a lot of the time parents help out a lot with costs.

We're getting married in July, just the two of us at a register office, and indulging in a meal at a Michelin starred place but it's still going to be tons cheaper than a big blow out do.

We had a big wedding, it was fabulous and I don’t regret a penny of it and we’re still going nearly 20 years later.

I get what you’re saying though, there have been no end of bat shit threads on here where people are making others spend ridiculous amounts of money and jump through hoops just cos it’s” their day”

A wedding is supposed to be the start of the joining of families - why would you start your married life (and let’s face it you’ll need your families support at some point) by upsetting everyone

We had a fairly big expensive wedding because we wanted to treat our friends and family to a good time and we are fortunate to have the money to. We made it as easy for our guests as possible.

We’ve been together for 20 years and still going strong despite the big extravagant wedding 😜

I'm so glad I got married in the days when you could only get married in your local church (unless you had a special licence) or your local registry office. None of this commercial competition between barns, hotels, football stadiums etc to offer the best wedding package.

In fact the best wedding we went to recently was at our local church (which we could walk to from our house) then up to the local Royal British Legion (even closer to our house) for the reception and back home afterwards.

Agreed, all you need is a ceremony, some food and a boogie. Social media has made everyone hugely over conscious about how everything looks, it takes the fun out of it. I like weddings to be multi-generational, a little tipsy, just the right amount sentimental, not too fancy. People wish the couple well but you don't need some dramatic overwrought emotional fiasco.

Our wedding was about £6K in 2018, and the vast majority of that was the open bar. Think the rest was probably less than £2K. 45 guests.

It was only AFTER my wedding I realised how uninteresting other people's are... Luckily mine was very drama free and everyone had a great time, but I wish I had cared a bit less!

Agreed. @BluebirdTree it doesn't have to be expensive. Friends of mine did it on the cheap, dresses, cake and flowers from Asda, buffet food from M&S, made their own disco playlist, everyone bought their own drinks from the bar. Friends made invitations, another friend took photos. Lovely wedding.

Just need to focus on what is actually important to you. IMHO that would be spending time with friends and family celebrating your union.

Weddings now seem to he a competition to who had the biggest and best and who can have the most bizarre entertainment.

Best wedding we have been to was a no frills event in local church with a band in the village hall. Good Times had by the family .

I hate this having to travel into the middle of nowhere to weddings, weekday weddings, even worse a wedding on a sunday with 10bridesmaids because they can't leave anyone out.

Give me a good old fashioned wedding.

@Pyri

posh hotel in the middle of nowhere sounds good to me.

Barn in the middle of nowhere where you have to travel really far out for any suitable accommodation after the event = not that fun. Many people simply just drove home so they couldn’t even toast the bride and groom!

Well my hospital marriage lasted 8 days as my dh died 8 days later from terminal cancer so no a low key, cheap wedding doesn’t always last longer than a flashy one

Oooooh this wouldn’t go down with MN general at all. They only provided guests with a supermarket buffet and didn’t even buy anyone a drink so everyone had to buy their own?!

Not the done thing at all!

YANBU. I just don't 'get' the idea of spending a fortune on a wedding day. It's completely unrelated to the goal of being married.

Marriage is an important legal commitment and I'm all for it. But the whole flowers, bridesmaids, fancy dress thing didn't appeal to us at all. So we got engaged, booked the register office for a couple months later and did it with six relatives present. Dress from H&M, nice afternoon tea after, home for 7pm. It was perfect. Cost maybe £400 all in, including rings, dress, ceremony. The only decision we had to make was which songs to choose and what I wanted to wear.

At the same time, I understand different people want different things and if you can afford it and want to splurge, then that's totally fine. Your money, your decision!

I think some couples forget that an invitation isn't a summons. They're inviting you to attend and it's up to you whether you can or not. For lots of people they simply can't afford to attend a UK wedding, let alone an abroad one, which would put them into debt or mean they're unable to take a family holiday they had planned and saved up for (I know most people who are really skint don't have holidays full stop). Anyone who values you enough to ask you to be there for their wedding should value you enough to trust that you can decide for yourself whether it's within your budget to attend.

We got married last year. Registry office, party with DH's cousins band and DH's band did a couple. No dj, street food van. It was really good. Been together 20 years

We have a large joint income, and I have experience in event planning.

Our wedding was a three day affair, fully catered. We didn't have photographers, cars or any fripparies. My two dresses cost less than £250 together. We focused on food, booze, and good places to dance and relax. Everyone ended up dancing in their socks and some even in pyjamas at midnight. Oh, and dogs were welcome.

And we're very happily married. Been together fifteen years this autumn.

Put that in your twatty pipe and smoke it.

It’s a mumsnet thing! Contrary to all the posters here the best wedding I’ve ever been it wasn’t a low key casual affair with 3 people and a packet of crisps each - it was at a beautiful villa in Italy with s meal outside in the gardens - we had an amazing time! Must’ve cost the bride and groom a fortune and cost us a lot to go but it was brilliant!

Our own wedding cost around £20k, including an amazing honeymoon afterwards. No regrets on the money spent at all. Our first few years of marriage were marred by bereavements, illness and infertility. It was great to have wonderful memories of the day and the honeymoon to look back on. It kept us going! We are still as strong as ever. Most of the budget was also on good food and wine and a free bar plus subsidising accommodation for our guests and also no limits on inviting guests - we asked everyone we wanted! I wouldn’t have been able to relax but on the day if we had to scrimp on anything.

Feels like alot of it is jealousy too! I’ve never been to a wedding where I saw something extravagant like an ice sculpture and gotten all pO faced about how that’s not what weddings are supposed to be about and it’s just showing off!

Attended husbsnds friend's wedding a few years back. They had a big do on the beach in florida, then a blessing for family thst couldn't attend back in uk 2 weeks later with reception etc. The groom told my husband it all cost them about £50k 😯, which was all on credit. There living in rented accommodation as can't afford a deposit for a house.... go figure

YANBU. I got married in 2021, we kept it as simple as possible (due to finances being tight plus we don't like ridiculousness ). If I had a nickel for every time I heard word of good advice from our family or friends what we should do... Jesus Christ.

And I must say our wedding was great, dance floor was never empty and we almost ran out of alcohol :D We just weren't too much into chocolate fountains, Polaroid cameras and so on. I preferred to pay for a good DJ and delicious food instead.