Wedding drama

[Hiimblahblah]

Myself and my DP are getting married aboard just after summer. My family have known we were planning a destination wedding for around a year now, and I had given them a heads up that they would need to start saving from when we first announced it. Several of them still have not booked flights, accommodation, or got their passports, which is upsetting as I know they've spent money on other expensive things in the meantime.

Our official marriage will take place in England, then we are flying out the next day for the abroad wedding. The only 2 people attending the English ceremony is my DPs DGF and DD as witnesses. The reason we're only having these 2 people is because my DPs DGF is paying for that part of the wedding, and we need 2 witnesses.

My DSis has asked if it would be possible to attend the ceremony in England due to her financial situation and the fact that she has her own wedding to pay for next year, but we really don't want our wedding to be the English one. We're not really treating it as anything special, we're just going out for a meal after and then going home to pack up.

AIBU to tell people they can't attend the wedding in England?

Note from MNHQ - please read OP's second post before responding.

Apologies in advance. I've only read OPs posts.
Just to say it seems daft that you are spending a lot of money on a destination wedding at the expense of your own wedding. For a sibling you seem quite annoyed with, who comes across as not appreciating that this is a financial stretch for you.
It sounds like you really don't want to go. I think the B and G berating you for just wanting to save money, by attending UK event is a bit rum, if it's actually because you genuinely can't afford it. However, they've arranged it as a very small event and breaking the rules for you, might mean a landslide of other folk wanting to do the same thing.
But if that's the case, Why take the whole family at a cost of over £1k?
Why not just the sibling go for say 2 or 3 days while the partner watches the kids for a few days and leave it at that. Unless you view it as your annual family holiday.
I hope you can find a solution where you can Prioritise your own wee family.

I have read all of your posts, and I have no idea why you posted or want you want from this thread apart from causing more drama.

If you are going, then go. Its your choice but don't bitch about not being able to afford to do your wedding as you would like because you have spent it going on an enforced holiday. Not wedding. Holiday.

This. There is a special place in hell for people who do reverses

This…I don’t get why suddenly people have to fork out shed loads of money just to attend your wedding. It may be your big day (believe me it won’t be the biggest day of your life) but to them it will be just you getting married . It is reasonable to buy a gift, a new outfit and travel on the day. Any wedding that needs an overnight stay starts to be a burden, anything to pay beyond that is taking people for granted.
People do not want to have to short and cut back on their own holidays etc because you are dictating that they have to spend their money on pleasing you.
you want a destination wedding…that’s fine..off you pop with dp and get married. If people say they’d like to attend and are willing to cover the costs for their stay that’s an added massive bonus.
you cannot expect expect friends and relatives or anyone to attend a wedding abroad, or any wedding that involved them paying for the “privilege “ of watching you get married- it’s not a privilege to them…it’s a privilege for you if they do attend.

It's a reverse thread.

So the OP is not the one going abroad and so forth, it's actually her brother.

I wouldn't bother going paying to go on what is essentially a themed holiday with my brother and SIL if they couldn't be bothered to invite me to their wedding. I certainly wouldn't make cut backs to my own wedding to afford to go either! It all sounds bonkers.

This is why people should not have weddings abroad unless they come from a wealthy family and have equally wealthy friends.

I really don’t get the ‘wedding’ in Spain thing but can’t legally marry there. If they want a beachy or hot weather wedding there are similar destinations you can marry legally. It’s a big ask to get family to attend wedding abroad. To expect them to travel abroad to just a celebration party is a very big ask. I suspect they are worried if they open floodgates and let people go to uk wedding everyone will opt for that (registry office & meal out would be affordable for people) and people will pass on the Spain trip leaving Brother and SIL to have honeymoon there/vow renewal with just 2 of them.

Well, he seems annoying, but you did a reverse, so I guess we can see you're related.

It’s a terrible idea to have destination wedding unless it free for your guests to get there.
If you can’t afford to go there - just tell them well in advance. They knew what they did (and how selfish they were when they chose destination wedding) This saving warning is a red herring.
if you can’t come to the wedding - tell them about it and ask how you can congratulate them in a different way.
They don’t want anyone at the official ceremony - it’s their choice.

I won't vote because this is a reverse.
However, I have never understood the modern trend for having destination weddings. Maybe the entire purpose is to avoid having lots of guests. ie You can invite everybody you feel obliged to invite, knowing lots won't attend, etc.
Obviously with the exception of either bride or groom being from the other country.
Otherwise, why not have the 'Home' wedding and the honeymoon abroad like the original custom.
Why would anyone assume that guests want to use up their annual leave, pay for flights, accommodation etc for a wedding, and in this case, for a pretend wedding.

Social media

Would I bollocks be going abroad to celebrate a marriage that had already happened. More fool you for indulging them. Exactly what was the point of your post?

If you plan an expensive (for guests) wedding, you should expect that not everyone will attend.
If my best friend or dm or anyone very special to me got married abroad, I wouldn't go. I just don't have that kind of spare cash.

Note from MNHQ - please read OP's second post before responding.

@MNHQ - a better note would have been a note to the OP reminding her that reverse threads are a complete waste of everyone’s time.

Get it deleted and then repost properly

Although I'm sure you've got the gist...

its really beyond me why you are actually going , they know your saving for a wedding and money is tight for you anyway , people that have weddings abroad and then expect everyone else to pay like its some sort of golden privilage to attend the bloody thing have me up in arms when i read about it .

personally i if i was bluntly getting told no i couldnt attend the english one by my own sibling , then fuck the one abroad , id just be saying sorry cant afford it , i mean whats the worst that can happen , he gets a bit pissy and decides hes not speaking to you again for ages , i have to wonder how much that would bloody bother me if my own flesh and blood was taking the micky out of me like that .

Why on earth are you going if you feel this way? It's only going to cast a pall.

I don't care how much advance notice someone gives me to save, I don't have a huge amount of money so if I managed to save up enough for a fancy holiday abroad, I certainly wouldn't want it to be a fake wedding in a location of my brother's choosing!

Weddings are expensive enough without adding in flights, accommodation, spending money, new passports (per the OP), a week's worth of holiday clothes, plus eating into precious annual leave. I have always said that destination weddings just heap the expense and inconvenience onto the guests. If someone wants to have the ceremony abroad and are desperate for their family to attend, they should pay.

And I say that as someone who got married abroad - the difference is, we didn't invite anyone.

Your brother sounds like a bit of a dick, telling people to save for his wedding. Unfortunately that doesn't entitle you to go to the English wedding. This is one that on Reddit AITA would receive a ETAH.

I have to admit this trend for a 'destination wedding' seems like it causes so many fallouts. When planning a wedding you have to decide what's most important to you. Is your priority to have the people you love with you to see you get married and share your happiness. Or is it to have a fabulous location with near guaranteed good weather and an exotic honeymoon. If it's the former you make your wedding venue accessible to everyone regardless of finances and other circumstances. If it's the latter then, unless you know finance and time are no obstacle for anyone, plainly people come second so stop getting upset and playing the distraught or angry bride/groom if people don't come. You already made it plain where your priorities lay with your choice. Why put people under such pressure that even if they come some will feel stressed by the cost and may be less than enthusiastic.

Note from MNHQ - please read OP's second post before responding. what's the point of even letting the thread run once its an obvious reverse?

YANBU.

Why should anybody have to save up to go to a wedding? It's ridiculous, a wedding is about those two people marrying and shouldn't put financial strain on other people.

I don't believe for 1 second that note was from MNHQ.

Wait?

m I think if your sister wants to have an abroad wedding. And you don’t want to go because you’ve spent all your money at the wedding. Then don’t go?!?!

if she doesn’t want anyone at the registry office then that’s also her prerogative.

she gave you quite a while to save and if you can’t or won’t do so then that’s ok?