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Original poster

MIL didn't accept Mother's Day gift

258 replies

Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:02

So I got my MIL a $25 Starbucks gift card for Mother's Day. We have a newborn so I wanted to get her something easy. She came by yesterday and when I went to give her the gift she told me and my husband that she didn't like Starbucks and didn't take the gift. I didn't make a big deal of it but am I right in thinking that this is insanely rude?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 10/05/2022 08:32

@airrrrAIRRRRiELLLL maybe the husband happened to be holding the baby when his mother arrived so the OP handed over the gift.

Feckingfeck · 10/05/2022 08:33

MrsDrudge · 09/05/2022 21:03

I agree it was really rude!
I wouldn’t bother next year.

This!

How rude 😱

With you having a newborn she is lucky you even remembered her. Surely she could have gone with a friend or just tried it out?!

ittakes2 · 10/05/2022 08:40

Was she being rude though? Or just practical ie I would rather not waste your money on something I don't use sort of thing. Did she realise it was a mothers day gift or did she just think you were offering her a free starbucks voucher? You've never given her a voucher for starbucks before so maybe she just misunderstood. You said she is usually delighted with home baked goods for presents - doesn't sound like someone that would be upset about getting a starbucks voucher. I suspect this is just a misunderstanding.

knittingaddict · 10/05/2022 08:42

I'm torn on this.

Starbucks is the worst coffee chain as far as I'm concerned and we never go in to one. If I had a Starbucks card it would probably be wasted or I would possibly buy cakes to take away. In fact I would probably do the latter and not tell you. I certainly wouldn't use it in the way that you intended.

I have no isuue with gift cards in general. It would just be nice to have one I could happily use.

itsmeagainlol · 10/05/2022 08:44

Garage flowers next year. Horrible behaviour

Needmorelego · 10/05/2022 08:53

@knittingaddict the OP said her mother in law is known to go to Starbucks so why would it be wasted and why would it matter if the mil bought cakes to take away?
I don't think the OP would care if mil sits inside at a table to eat cakes or takes them home to eat. It's the gift of cake.

Holly60 · 10/05/2022 08:59

You sound really lovely and thoughtful. If you were my DIL I would have been massively appreciative, and possibly have suggested we head there together so I could treat us both to a coffee and a cake as a well done to you for being a new mummy.

If I was being generous I'd chalk it up to her having a bad day and let it go.

Asperia · 10/05/2022 09:04

No gift is 'shit' if it is given with love and care, even if it's something the receiver won't use. Your MIL was very rude and from your husband's reaction, it sounds as though this is repeat behaviour from her. I would step right back from giving her gifts and let your DH do it. If he doesn't get her much or at all, he may have reason for that.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/05/2022 09:22

Ottersmith · 10/05/2022 01:40

It's probably because you aren't her daughter. Her some should have given her a gift. Is it the 50s?

Yawn. Op has clarified she collected this gift because she was there and she was buying one for her DM. It was done with agreement of DH and was off him.

If you're so petty you'd refuse to pick up a present off your husband whilst stood in the shop, I feel sorry for you.

@Gina97 has your husband asked? Mom I feel like we upset you with the gift card, I know you drank in there so thought you'd e joy it. What is it I've done wrong? "

Squillerman · 10/05/2022 09:23

Exceptionally rude. The most polite thing to do is pass it on to a friend or something if you really dislike Starbucks that much.

SirChenjins · 10/05/2022 10:58

I would possibly buy cakes to take away. In fact I would probably do the latter and not tell you. I certainly wouldn't use it in the way that you intended

buying cakes from Starbucks to take away is an absolutely fine use of the card - why wouldn’t it be? Starbucks also does sandwiches, teas, hot chocolate, cold drinks, crisps, soups….it’s not a gift voucher that says ‘bearer must only use this for purchasing coffee in Starbucks and nothing else’.

AdditionalCharacter · 10/05/2022 13:39

My MIL was always doing this, in the end I stopped bothering and left it to DH.

NumberTheory · 10/05/2022 15:58

Needmorelego · 10/05/2022 08:28

@dworky the husband thought the Starbucks card was a good gift too so what would it have mattered if he was the one in Starbucks and said "can I have a $25 gift card please" rather than the OP?
This thread is getting ridiculous.
Instead of buying a gift card and they had invited her home for coffee and cake would the OP not had been allowed to physically make the coffee because the mil is not her mum? Would her and her husband have to take turns at the kettle?

I think if you invite your mum over for Mothers Day and then let your partner (who, to add to the irony, has just given birth) do all the skivvying, that would not be pretty bad, yes.

Straightupp · 10/05/2022 16:24

How on earth is it a thoughtless or shit gift!!!????

I've been given vouchers for various things by my own family/partners family and it wouldn't occur to me to say i don't like it and not accept it even if i didn't like it! Starbucks isn't for everyone (i don't like coffee) but plenty of other things can be brought.

Unless you brought her a voucher to carve up a cow and make some burgers out of it and she was a vegan then i don't see the issue!

Needmorelego · 10/05/2022 16:36

@NumberTheory making a couple of cups of coffee plus grabbing a pack of biscuits/cakes is 'skivvying' now is it? Blimey.
I made my late father in law a sandwich once. Oh the horror. How dare me 🤣
I was actually really excited because I made a lemon curd sandwich for someone other than me for the first time ever in my life. He probably would have got a sensible ham sandwich if my husband had made it. Father in law has a naughty sweet tooth so he was probably quite pleased that I happened to be the one who wandered into the kitchen and said "who wants a sandwich?".

zingally · 10/05/2022 16:56

Saved you a job for the future! Your role in organising gifts for MIL is officially over. Either DH takes over at this point, or she gets nothing.

This happened between me and my sister's DH. He likes steak restaurants, so I got him a voucher for a free meal at a local place for Christmas. He opened the voucher, shrugged, and said, "I don't really fancy that."
So that was the end of me buying him anything more than a card. If he realised the presents stopped from then on... at least he's had the good grace not to ask why!

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2022 17:00

Gina97 · 09/05/2022 21:10

It was fairly thoughtless but that was the point. I've been running on very little sleep so I wanted easy but still wanted her to know that we care about her. I certainly will keep her reaction in mind for future events 😂

Show quote history

How come your OH didn't buy his own mother a gift?

AndSoTonight · 10/05/2022 17:02

knittingaddict · 10/05/2022 08:42

I'm torn on this.

Starbucks is the worst coffee chain as far as I'm concerned and we never go in to one. If I had a Starbucks card it would probably be wasted or I would possibly buy cakes to take away. In fact I would probably do the latter and not tell you. I certainly wouldn't use it in the way that you intended.

I have no isuue with gift cards in general. It would just be nice to have one I could happily use.

But that isn't the point. No one cares whether or not you like Starbucks coffee, point is that OP thought her MIL did. Loads of people do, after all, it is always crowded.

AndSoTonight · 10/05/2022 17:04

CJsGoldfish · 10/05/2022 00:11

It’s rude, but that’s an insanely shit gift. I’d have been deeply hurt to have received that. It’s just as easy to send a bouquet, a plant, or a box of chocolates, or some perfume she likes, (and all these things can be ordered from Amazon so no big effort) than something that screams, ‘I can’t be arsed about you’

This.
Though I don't think not taking it is rude. More like "I won't use it so why don't you?". So easy to get a thoughtful gift these days with even less effort than walking down to the local Starbucks.

This level of rude and selfish is difficult to match. "insanely shit" "deeply hurt"

You both sound extraordinarily greedy and ill mannered.

Plantstrees · 10/05/2022 17:05

I wouldn't want a Starbucks voucher and it would rank amongst the worst gifts ever in my book but I may have passed it on to someone else who would use it or it would have sat in the back of a drawer. If she refused it nicely I would just accept that she doesn't like Starbucks. Depends how rudely it was refused.

IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2022 17:05

Yes what she said was rude.
It would be the last gift I ever bought her.

Manners matter.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/05/2022 17:06

Plantstrees · 10/05/2022 17:05

I wouldn't want a Starbucks voucher and it would rank amongst the worst gifts ever in my book but I may have passed it on to someone else who would use it or it would have sat in the back of a drawer. If she refused it nicely I would just accept that she doesn't like Starbucks. Depends how rudely it was refused.

But presumably then you aren't frequently seen in there.

@Gina97 she did def understand there was cash on it didn't she? Not just think it was for collecting points?

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2022 17:07

JustSoStory · 10/05/2022 03:38

Lots of people don't like the coffee and disagree with Starbucks generally. I wouldn't use the card so wouldn't accept it either.

As the OP has said, more than once, the MiL does go into Starbucks.

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2022 17:08

THE MOTHER-IN-LAW DOES GO TO STARBUCKS!

Just sayin...

mathanxiety · 10/05/2022 17:10

...the husband thought the Starbucks card was a good gift too so what would it have mattered if he was the one in Starbucks and said "can I have a $25 gift card please" rather than the OP?

I suspect the H did nothing about getting his mother a Mother's Day gift, and the OP did all the legwork here, with the H just agreeing to what she chose.

This thread is getting ridiculous.

This thread is actually getting to the core of the problem, which is that the OP, with her H's shrug or blessing, has taken on the role of choosing gifts for a grown man's mother, or baking goodies for her on significant days.

Instead of buying a gift card and they had invited her home for coffee and cake would the OP not had been allowed to physically make the coffee because the mil is not her mum? Would her and her husband have to take turns at the kettle?

No, the OP (who is the mother of a newborn) should not be lifting a finger for anyone. Everyone else should be making tea for her, baking for her, helping her out in every way possible, and for the future, her husband needs to buy the gifts for his own mother, or bake for her birthday, etc, if that's what they both choose to do.

The OP is not her husband's PA. The MIL is not her mother.

Grown men are capable of marking significant dates in their calendars and planning accordingly.